[jeavesmom]

Well ,Sw called today and told me that Bio Mom wants to visit kiddos on Christmas, ! She missed Birthdays and everything in between but wants Christmas ,SW said it was up to us that since it is not her regular visit that we could make the choice.

[waited2long]

If it were me, since other special visits have been missed, I'd offer Christmas Eve day. And I think I wouldn't tell the child(ren) until you were on your way and knew that BMom was there. This way perhaps the kid(s) won't be disappointed and can still have a nice Christmas.

[chevyjewel]

I wish my foster kiddos mom wanted to see them on holidays and special occasions....

They are her kids after all and it hurts me for them that she shows no interest in spending those special days together as a family

[Suziebearhugs]

We've only ever had to allow a special birthday or holiday visit when the child was almost being returned to their family and they were already having unsupervised visitations or day/weekend visits.

Otherwise, the parents would visit on their scheduled visitation day/time and bring presents and celebrate at that time with their children.

Since the social worker is leaving it up to you, and the mother has already missed all the other special holidays I'd just arrange a visitation sometime around christmas, leaving christmas day a time for you and your family to celebrate with the kids.

If the social worker turns around and says you have to allow the visit on christmas, then let her know that, that is fine but she can be the one to provide transportation for the kids on christmas day(this will likely change her mind).

[soosiwrk]

Thats a tough one, how old are the kids? How does she visit them? (At your home, her home, etc) The reason I ask is, if you decide to allow this, does that mean you have to transport as well?? Also, does she want all day? I feel for you, especially because she misses other things that are important. Irritating Im sure. Good luck!!

[AmyAnne]

While the Christmas Eve idea is good, you would need to be prepared for a LOT of acting out and turmoil on Christmas Day most likely

[mommytoEli]

my children that i adopted missed several christmases where no one in their family wanted to spend it with them on christmas day....once an aunt picked them up, but had no presents. even though they are now adopted, and have no contact with family, they are still very bitter about it, and it effects them every christmas. it is sad to watch. the best advice i could give you should you allow the visit is to make sure that you also celebrate with them somehow in case the visit does not meet their expectations. i do agree that the added visit should have transportation provided for the children so that you are free to celebrate the holidays with the rest of your family, AND you can be ready for them when they come home so that you can continue the festivities. i think any way you slice it- visit, no visit, visit christmas day, or christmas eve, you will be the one who bears the brunt of the backlash....and the kids will probably act out one way or another.just try to hang in there, and make it as special as possible for those kiddos. good luck. i'll be thinking of you christmas day

[mommytoelmolover]

If they expect you to transport and supervise the visit I would say absolutely not. I think that would take away from your family activities and celebration. If she wants to pick the child up assuming she is allowed to I would say let the kids go around noon (that way they have time to play with their santa gifts etc.

[jphollen]

My fkids Bmom wants Christmas visits, and the agency refused, as they would need to supervise it. I would have had to provide transportation (it's an hour and a half) which I would have done if I had to (maybe later in the day or something), but now it's a non issue. She is pretty upset and I feel bad for her. This is the second time her kids are in care and this will be her second missed Christmas in a row.

[Joy2566]

we had one foster kid who was a line of sight kid, meaning I had to see him at all times. We did visits at my discretion at my home. I had the bio family over for thanksgiving and Christmas, as that was the only way for him to see them. I had a good relationship with the bio's and it worked well for us.

My current kids is a very different situation. When I just had ds, we never heard from the bios on special days. No calls, cards, gifts for birthdays or Christmas. Now that we have his sisters, We got calls on Christmas and they sent the girls gifts, but did not acknowledge son in anyway. Now that was hard! I would never make accomadations for this family. Now that TPR has happened, we will definitely not have contact this year. Hopefully it will be easier on the kids, because I can say the bios are not allowed to have contact.

[Boulderbabe]

Nope, I wouldn't do it. Especially if I had to transport. Just tell the SW you've got other plans.

[stevenstwin]

I allowed a Christmas visit the first year, and then never again. Transportation was not an issue since A. was old enough to walk to the place where they supervise, so I figured "why not"? Well, I'll tell ya why - my Christmas was completely ruined by a crying, raging child because it triggered every possible negative emotion you can imagine - especially the part where the visit was over and his little brother and sister were taken away again. So the next year I said absolutely NOT. He had his regular visit the Tuesday before, Christmas was relatively peaceful (still some negative emotions) and then I stuck him on a bus on Boxing Day and sent him to spend a week with his grandparents 200 miles away. The distance away from the immediate bios was probably the best possible thing for him - he still needs to re-process was Christmas means, since his always involved drunken-ness violence.

[jllambert]

I would say no! You have to think about your family too! She should get a visit that week and that should be good enough. I think the kids as well as your family will have a nicer day if you don't have to deal with a visit! Christmas eve day is the most I would do! A phone call on Christmas day maybe be a nice thing for the parents and the kids!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Suziebearhugs

If the social worker turns around and says you have to allow the visit on christmas, then let her know that, that is fine but she can be the one to provide transportation for the kids on christmas day(this will likely change her mind).

I agree with this. Christmas is when my whole family gets together. I wouldn't take time out to do a visit. But if the cw insisted, I would definately be okay with her taking the child on a visit. However, I don't think it's right to expect a foster parent to disrupt his/her holiday to arrange a visit with the child's family.

[Biblemom]

I do agree that, if the child is old enough, a phone call is a nice compromise. For our FC I would not have a problem with a visit the afternoon of Christmas eve as long as the visits are not traumatic for the children.