[thelowlanders]

What do you find most helpful for your Fchild after visits? Is it cuddling and reassurement? Or keep busy w/ some fun activities? What have you found to work best for your little one?

[jeni-b]

Honestly - a nap.

The oldest is the only one who really struggles, so I take an extra few minutes to lay with her and assure her that she will see mom and dad next week, and go over the routine, then let her just sleep it off.
She is so overstimulated and frustrated that she just wakes up a whole new, normal kid after a nap.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by thelowlanders

What do you find most helpful for your Fchild after visits? Is it cuddling and reassurement? Or keep busy w/ some fun activities? What have you found to work best for your little one?

hmmm...well, my answer isn't too relevant with my then-14 year old, since all I could do was stay out of his way and let him rage ;-) However, I know from his little brother and sister, the foster parents found that they really needed to keep things as NORMAL as possible. So yes, distract them a bit, but not with anything "special". At first, they'd take them to McDonalds as a "treat" on the way home, and behaviour actually escalated. They found they had to get back to routine as fast as possible, so the kids felt secure. I guess it depends a bit on what specific behaviours you are experiencing...with FS's siblings it was always anger and acting out. I'd guess a child more sensitive and sad might do better with extra cuddling...

[thelowlanders]

Ya...hehe I would probably need a nap in their situation. So that is what I tried a while back. I ended up with a "surprise" .

[kxl164]

For us, it was outside time, or if it was raining, a trip to the mall playground. My children needed to run/crawl around, literally, run and run and swing and run/crawl some more. Maybe they would laugh too, but mostly they would be physically releasing some of the bad feelings and confusion.

Then they would nap.

Then we would eat something they liked for dinner.

Then we would have quiet cuddle time for the rest of the night.

This helped the "baby" tremendously, and lessened my older child's post-visit reactions (lessened the severity not the three-day length of the reactions).

You have to find what works for you. For us, exercise, nap, food, cuddles. No errands, no other people, no TV, no baths, no telephone ringing..... nothing that would startle them, or over-excite them post-nap.

Good Luck, I think it is all trial and error based on the child in question.

[thelowlanders]

Hmmm. I actually haven't tried this approach. We had a makeup visit Mon. and a Visit today on Wed. Boy does she have alot of pent up anger. I think I'll try your method. It's a free daytomorrow. No appts. So we'll be really active, fam dinner, cuddling, and bed. Thanks.

[Dickons]

No experience - just what soothed me.

Gentle - soft scratching of my back. Mom would do this for hours (at least it seemed like it).

Strangely enough, they have found that when a person is scratched the areas of the brain that have emotional memories is not as active during scratching...bit I could just be reading my own feeling in it. How Scratching An Itch Affects The Brain

Kind regards,
Dickons