[shycar]

Im so frustrated. I got a call today from Punky's sw to let me know what she is going to suggest to the judge on the tpr this Wed. She said she is going to ask for a continuence (sp?) for another two months . My heart is aching so much right now. I know I know this is the world of fost/adopt, but it still hurts. I just dont get it.

He first want nothing to do with her for her first 8 months of her life. Then he popps in and wants her, once he get married. He and his new wife does well, then she divorces him and he dissapears and leaves a message he can not care for her. Then 4 months later he pops in again wanting her back, of course with a new woman on his arm. And he gets another chance ?

So our hearts are sadden again. Now sw says he has to prove himself big time so it could be another 6 months before she goes back home. That is more time for us to love her her and get more attached. I am not going to get my hopes up, but I do know anything can happen in 6 months. I will just pray that the right thing happens. Well thanks for letting me vent.

[Singlemom619]

The SWs HAVE To give them these chances to some degree.. .If they don't give them the rope (and let them hang themselves) then the parents COULD come back later (after you've adopted) and fight it and possibly have it overturned.

He's going to hang himself again. I know it's hard - I'm in a similar situation now - but I don't even think about my son going back at this point - I know it's right for him to stay and in my heart I know he's going to. I'm going to live my life.

If they do come and take him then I'll deal with it then - but based on your Bdad's history he won't get the child.

ALSO - if the child has been in care for 15 out of the last 24 months there is a law that most states follow that say the child should be freed for adoption - there are only like 5 or 7 states that change the wording to the child "may" be put up for adoption. Ask your SW about it.

[jeavesmom]

I feel for you also ! I understand the have to give them the rope to hang them self but man , sometime it is like the kids get lost in trying to help the Bio parents out!

[mom2behappy]

that just drives me crazy why ask for a continuance just go forward witht the original tpr and let the judge decide if there are grounds for tpr or not since tpr was already filed these cw get on my darn nerves with that sometimes I get so mad I believe they are only doing it for the money not for the sake of the child it burns me up.

[Yash]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[fredalina]

Originally Posted by mom2behappy

I get so mad I believe they are only doing it for the money not for the sake of the child it burns me up.

Because everybody knows the fastest way to get rich is to get a bachelor's or master's degree in social work and go work for the state in the child welfare office. ROFLMBO!

Social workers can certainly get caught up in this nasty system and lose track of what's important, but they don't get rich doing it!

[Boulderbabe]

Here's my guess about what is going on: in order to get a clear legal go-ahead to terminate parental rights, the law says that DSS must show that it has made "reasonable efforts" to reunify the child and the parent. So what is reasonable, you ask? Aha! Nobody knows. So what DSS does almost 100% of the time is make EXTRAORDINARY efforts to reunify the child and the parent, so that nobody can come back on appeal and overturn the case by arguing that reasonable efforts weren't made.

It sounds to me like the SW is trying to get Punky's case ready to go to TPR by offering bdad a whole raft of 'reasonable' efforts. I bet you he'll get the full menu of offered help: therapy and addiction counseling and parenting classes and a huge number of visits. Hours and hours and hours of appointments, actually, that anybody would be hard pressed to complete, much less somebody who is only half-heartedly committed to parenting will do. She'll give him a big, big, BIG spool of rope on which to hang himself.

Then when he stops coming to visits and washes out of the parenting class (which I bet he will), the legal case will be clear and the state can proceed on clear grounds to TPR.

So hang on. This last bit is the roughest part. But by the end of it, either you'll know that Punky's dad is serious about parenting and really should have her back, or it will be crystal clear to everybody that he's not up to the job. Your role in this will be to make sure that success or failure is 100% up to Punky's dad. Have her there on time for visits, drive her to parenting class, and be warm and friendly to bdad. If he rucks it up, which he may well do, the court will then be able to see clearly that it was his failure and not DSS's.

[Singlemom619]

Originally Posted by fredalina

Because everybody knows the fastest way to get rich is to get a bachelor's or master's degree in social work and go work for the state in the child welfare office. ROFLMBO!

Social workers can certainly get caught up in this nasty system and lose track of what's important, but they don't get rich doing it!

I'm not sure how the OP meant it BUT I know that where I am the SWs DO DO THINGS for the MONEY... Not that THEY make money - but to save the state money.

They will move children and place them into relative homes that aren't ideal because then they no longer have to have a SW or provide foster care subsidies - therefore saving the state money.

I've had a local SW even admit to me this is what they're instructed to try to do. ESPECIALLY if it's an out of state relative because then the other state picks up welfare too.

[fredalina]

That does make some sense, Singlemom. i read it as that's why the CW's are in the business, not how you said it. That does make some sense, though it's sad.

[AngelArrow]

Sorry to hear this, but it is like Boulderbabe said it. My prayes are with you.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Singlemom619

I'm not sure how the OP meant it BUT I know that where I am the SWs DO DO THINGS for the MONEY... Not that THEY make money - but to save the state money.

They will move children and place them into relative homes that aren't ideal because then they no longer have to have a SW or provide foster care subsidies - therefore saving the state money.

I've had a local SW even admit to me this is what they're instructed to try to do. ESPECIALLY if it's an out of state relative because then the other state picks up welfare too.

Yet, that has not been my experience. Up here in Alberta, the money doesn't seem to be the problem. What I"VE seen is Social Workers doing what is easiest, or requires the least paperwork, and they pretty much said that to my face. Having A. living on his own is costing them THREE TIMES AS MUCH as when he was living withe me - but they just keep writing him cheques instead of supervising him and monitoring where his money goes. Spent it all on DVD's? No problem - he's $200 more for groceries. Got drunk and dropped your cell phone in the hot tub? Here, go by another one. After all -he has to eat, and we have to be able to reach him by phone...

[mom2behappy]

Originally Posted by fredalina

Because everybody knows the fastest way to get rich is to get a bachelor's or master's degree in social work and go work for the state in the child welfare office. ROFLMBO!

Social workers can certainly get caught up in this nasty system and lose track of what's important, but they don't get rich doing it!

As a superviser for the state I wasn't referring to the social worker herself getting rich i was referring to the private agencies who move slow, while you may not think so the state/city pays these private agencies a lot of money to over see these kids more den triple what the agencies pay their foster parents to actually keep these kids. so that said I was referring to the fact that agencies recieve money as long as the child is in care and while they recieve a lump sum for any successful adoption the continuous payments stop. also note i said SOMETIMES I think.. iwmho so your wisecrack comment was unnecessary dear.

[fredalina]

Surely we can keep some humor in the board, no? My "wisecrack" wasn't intended to offend, it was intended to point out some irony in what you wrote. Now you have clarified and i agree with you that that does happen, but that's not how i read your words nor how another poster read your words. i found humor in what you wrote, and posted a little levity. No harm intended whatsoever. If nothing else, i've accomplished clarification.

Smile, and have a good day!

[shycar]

Well tomorrow is suppose to have been tpr, but we know thats not going to happen. To be honest I do undetstand the why, its just hard to see a child go through this and not get angry.

Dad was doing very very well. I was so proud of him and was happy he was going to get his baby back. All of us were shocked when dad dissapeared and left a message that he messed up. While he was gone he put himself in another program himself and has been clean since and has proof of it. Its mixed feeling I have. Im hoping this is for real this time. That he stays clean and able to care for his child. Yet Im angry that he walked away, Punky was the one that suffered. This in and out is not good for her.

When first placed mom was involved (dad has seen her I think once), then mom was mia and dad poped in. He did great and everything was moving smoothly. The day before she was suppose to go home dad go mia. Then mom pops in wanting her. Then mom goes Mia. They both are mia for 4 months, then dad pops in again. Im waiting to see when mom will come back.

That is what bothers me. Its the coming and leaving Punky's life. Punky has so much anger for such a young child. She has trust issues and now anxiety of me leaving her side. She starts to panic when we get to where visits are. She is suffering with all this back and forth and its breaking my heart. Of course kids have no rights at all.

Here the parents get at least 12 months to prove that everything was done before tpr. Sometimes tpr happens before 12 months, but that usually when parents are mia (considered abandonement). This case is only 10 1/2 months, so we are 1 1/2 month short. So more time will be given.

Either three things will happen. 1.Dad does well for a few months and mess up again and this will go again to tpr. 2. Dad does well and Punky is moved to his home and then ends up in foster care down the road (like his other kids). 3. He actually does well for the rest of his life and Punky grows up healthy and happy (I really doubt this just by his past, but miracles can happen). All will affect Punky 2 in a negative way. I just pray that Punky can stay strong and able to deal with all these changes in her life.

[Yash]

What happened, shycar? Please know you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.