[Sam-N-Tony]

Okay, I'm trying to figure out what to do. My husband and I after 6 years of marriage and almost 11 years together have decided to seperate and divorce. It was immenent. The stress of the foster kids plus, our already existing and new problems have caused to become too much.

There are no arguments and no tension (at least on my end) this is something that I have known was going to happen it was just a matter of when. We are in 2 complete different places in our lives.

This is where my dilemma is, I want to continue to foster just on a smaller scale. I have always been the one to handle all the foster kids stuff, so I have mainly been the go to person for everything, all my CW will say the same. My husband never gets involved (other than some of the daily things). He will be moving out after the holidays.

I have already talked to Mr. Peabody's CW and we both agree he needs a higher level a care. So he will start working on that.

Mr. Touchy should be r/u in this month, if Dad does well with his brother. Even though he has been with me for 16 months, if he were to come back I'm on the fence of taking him back. He is a difficult child but I love him regardless. If he comes back, adoption is not guaranteed, he has 3 other siblings that they will want to have adopted together. I think it would be easier to just not take him back.

Baby Don King, I love and really want to keep and adopt him. It will be at least a year before anything is figured out with him. Mom might be right outside of time line to finish her program and caseplan. They are already asking her to relinquish. I know she won't. We have a really good relationship, so it is a real possibility to adopt.

I know I need to tell my licensing agency but don't know if I should tell them to shut my house down or what. I have been really tempted to just refocus on my son and figure out where my life is headed (and the thought of silence without any little kids is very tempting).

What would you do???

[athikers]

This is not an answer to your direct question... its more of a side note. If it is the stress of fostering that is causing you and hubby to split, wouldn't you rather close your home and work on your marriage for the sake of your bio son? I come at this from the place of being the child of divorced parents... I don't wish divorce on anyone, but especially the kids. If you think there is any hope of reclaiming what you've lost, that course of action is what gets my vote.

That said, if you do move forward with separation, I would stop fostering and focus on your son, it will be very hard on him whether he lets on or not.

So, I guess, either way... my advice would be to stop fostering and help your family get through this... whatever that looks like.

[waited2long]

Gee, I'm sorry you're marriage didn't work out, but it sounds like you are having an amicable seperation and I think that's great.

As for Foster Care... I think the only thing that would effect your licensing would be the change in your income. Otherwise, the basics are the same, same prime caregiver, same home, etc...

I think I would keep my license current and play it by ear. You're not positive on how the plans for your current Foster kids will turn out and you could feel completely different in February... I guess I would inform the agency, so you'll know if there are any issues you'll need to deal with for your current placements. Then say you are willing to take things on a case-by-case basis, in other words, they can call you with new placements, but you can say no.

Good luck and best wishes that things go smoothly for you and the kids.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Yes the stress from fostering does add to our marital issues but these were issues that existed prior to fostering, we simply had just put it aside. We thought that the stress were from not being able to have anymore kids. So we decided to foster. I'm pretty positive, fostering or no fostering, these issues were still there and our marriage would still not have worked. I think we pushed it as far as it would go. My husband is not happy about the split, and yes it is me wanting it more but he understands. We are being very amicable and have already discussed financial arrangements, visitations, etc. I don't want to cause any unnecessary stress for my son.

The thought of me just saying that they need to close my house, frightens me.

[thelowlanders]

What would I do?

Take time out. Work on foundation of your family.

[Boulderbabe]

Dang. I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. It's just such a hard thing to go through.

If it were me, I'd transition the two older kids out with as much notice as I could give. But Baby Don King....well, I've heard you talk about him. He's so much YOUR baby. Could you really bear to hand him to another fost/adopt family? Single parenting is definitely feasible (I do it), so if you think you can swing it, keeping Baby Don King might be the best thing for both of you.

Plus, don't you want to see if his hair EVER goes down? :-)

[LeighM]

I would recommend you put your license on hold. Take some time to adjust to life as a single mom. If you want to keep the baby you could do that also and just not take any more placements.

[jphollen]

In my area you would have to become "relicensed" because of income changes and they may want to make sure everyone is "ok" enough to continue. Meaning your bio kids aren't having serious issues related to divorce. So here they would do a kind of mini homestudy again on a really small scale. I do know a couple who had a somewhat similar situation. They didn't have bio children so they stayed together for a few months to get to the fkids r/u with bios. She continued fostering but didn't take new placements for awhile, as she moved and needed to get resettled.

I wish you the best no matter what happens.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Thanks for all the support. Though my marriage is over and my life is up in the air, I am so relieved and feel that a lot of the pressure I have had is suddenly disappearing.

I want to continue to foster to be able to keep Baby Don King. I do know that licensing will need to update my HS and check my financials, hopefully I would be able to get passed that, which I think I would.

As I have said, even if I put my license on hold or gave up my license and kids, I would still be getting a divorce. There have been so much that I cannot get passed. We have stayed together for the sake of the foster kids, that's just not a good enough reason for me anymore. I need to move on with my life and he is holding me back.

[waited2long]

I'm glad you're feeling a lessoning of pressure. I think just making the decision to divorce can lift a big burden from you. I hope your licensing update goes smoothly and you have a stressfree, peaceful transition to being a single parent.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

Plus, don't you want to see if his hair EVER goes down? :-)

Absolutely, LOL. I've figured out if I put enough baby gel in it, it'll somewhat lay down but otherwise no it will stand straight up. He always looks like someone just scared him

Athikers - I know what it is also like to come from divorced parents. But in my families case, they held out just for the kids and I don't think that was any better than when they divorced. I was so happy when my parents divorced, not saying that I love any of my parents any less, but the stress was gone.

[forever14230]

I'm so sorry that things didn't work out between you and your dh. Since I don't know your situation, it's hard for me to give you any advice. Are you a working mom, or do you SAH? If you SAH, will you have to work once you are separated? I am a single, working mom, but I won't lie to you, it can be very difficult, especially physically getting from place to place. I never realized how hard it was getting 2 kids from point A to point B until I had to do it alone. My advice would be to see how things go with your bio son and baby Don King before deciding whether or not to close your home. Hopefully all of you will make the transition well and you can leave your home open. I wish you all the best.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

Absolutely, LOL. I've figured out if I put enough baby gel in it, it'll somewhat lay down but otherwise no it will stand straight up. He always looks like someone just scared him .

Seriously, the day you adopt him, you have GOT to send me all his baby pictures. I am totally dying to see this! :-)

[wellnow]

I am sorry to hear about your divorce as well...I don't know where you live but in Tx, you have to wait a year between "life changing events" before you can become licensed to foster or adopt...not sure how it works if you already have a license though...

[Sam-N-Tony]

Update:

I met with my licensing worker yesterday and she said that I will be fine to continue to foster as a single parent, she only has to update my financial stuff. She said she had already took a peak at it and said that there would be no problems. She cannot do anything until he is officially out of the house, which should be sometime in January. I asked her if he would still be able to take the kids that I do have and she said yes, he can do the homestudy (doesn't have to do anything else, just have the them look at the house) and he can continue to foster on his own (which he won't) or he can be my "back up". They would still be able to spend the night with him and everything. So I am excited for that because he does love the 2 little ones a lot.

Also, I just found out that Mr. Touchy will not be the next to go (YIPPIE!!), they will actually move the baby first because they know that Dad will not be able to handle Mr. Touchy. So they are going to try him first with the other 2. Then if he is successful they will move Mr. Touchy sometime in February (that is unless the Judge says they all go, today, they are in court for r/u on 1 of the boys).

Baby Don King's Mom blew another placement. In the last 3 months she's been in 3 homes. This foster home was even willing to let her stay there after she aged out in January. How could she screw this up, again??? She's now telling her attorney that she doesn't get any visits (which she has had a visit every week for the past 2/3 months). Her attorney told her that DCF wants her to relinquish, she lost it (of course). Now her Mom is changing tunes saying that they cannot ask her to do that, even though she told her daughter to relinquish to us. This is going to be so long and drawn out.

Mr. Peabody tried stealing my son's Nintendo DS and all 50 games (I found it in his bookbag today) and I got a call from the school about him throwing money around (WHAT! HE DOESN'T HAVE MONEY), he apparently also stole $10 from my purse. They are getting a staffing done for a therapeutic home. One thing I won't deal with his stealing and then lieing about it.