[RNFosterMom]

Our 4 month old FC (who we have had since 4 days old) went home to Bio Mom today (Saturday). Reunification plan started 6 wks ago. A few hours after we dropped FC off, Mom called to ask where all the diapers and bottles were that she thought we would be sending along. She wasn't rude or demanding, but confused.

We received a list of items that foster parents are to send with a child when they leave your home (i.e., for adoption, reunification, etc.), including a certain number of clothing items, diaper bag w/6 diapers, can of formula, 1 bottle, etc. I sent several more outfits than required on the list and remaining formula from this month's WIC, but I sent the minimum of other things such as bottle and diapers. I also turned over his WIC checks, and we bought him his own Jumperoo because he LOVES ours.

This Mom had previously said she had diapers and she bought bottles that she liked better than the Playtex ones we use -- she has an apartment full of stuff and has provided lots of clothing for him over the months. I explained to her that the items on this list were all that we were required to send (to our knowledge) and we would be willing drop off some diapers or a few of the bottles he is used to here to get her through the weekend. I also suggested the county may have additional resources for her.

Is this bioparent reaction typical? She seems to think we have this stockpile of diapers and baby supplies from the county and would be delivering a truckload with her child today. I don't get how this misunderstanding could occur. She obviously didn't receive the same memo we got!! And why not??? Definitely one for the experience files for the next reunification. One thing for certain -- I will not do a reunification on a weekend again. There is no one to call to find out what to do or have them run interference for you! On top of all this, we are SAD -- we miss our smiling boy so much already!

[meshsgrl]

I have never had infants... so don't know about the diapers, bottles etc.. but with my toddlers I sent all of their clothing, their special toys, and all personal items.. but I dont think I would send bottles, diapers etc...

[arubagirl]

I send everything I have that I have purchased w/ the resource check.. food, clothing, bottles, toys, baby swing, etc.

since it is hard enough on the kids to be going back I want them to feel secure with their own items and the things they are use to.

[stevenstwin]

These kinds of expectations make me grit my teeth - it's YOUR kid, how about you provide for him?? But I'm getting old and bitter - I admire your willingness to help her out, and the fact that you saw her genuine confusion rather than an attempt to manipulate.

[shycar]

I was told that whatever you buy using the monthly stipened belongs to the child. I always send everything that I bought specifically for the child. Usually my foster kids leave with two big boxes of clothes, a box of diapers, at least 3 cans of formula, cereal, baby food, bags of toys, blankets, towel, bottles, sippy cups and I have even sent carseats to help out the parents if I think it would help out the parent. Usually the parents or family is shocked by the amount they leave with, but it is the babies things not mine and I feel I have no right to keep it.

Things I buy with my money I keep and clothes that I bought that no longer fits I keep also. I have a credit card that is for foster kids, so when I get a new kid I can go out and buy what they need and then pay it off when I get our check.

[deadcalm]

I would send all the items the stipend pays for including her toys, games and books.

[Boulderbabe]

I wouldn't send everything I bought with the stipend check. The stipend never covers everything a kid needs, and there's no way I can buy a whole new set of everything for each child that walks in the door. Some of that stuff has to be re-used by other children who come.

Send everything that mom sent back, of course. Then send what's on the list plus anything the child is really, really fond of, and call it good.

[sethsmommy]

Sounds to me that you did the right thing....I am sorry this is a sad time for you. You get so attached!

[greenrobin]

I don't remember who the poster was, but several, several months back, someone had the experience of the mom wanting EVERYTHING--kids' beds and dressers, mattresses, etc. Unbelievable.

I send just the stuff I bought specifically for that child--toys, clothes, comforters. The stipend check never covers everything you buy. With one group, I sent a full WIC order that included a case of formula, multiple gallons of milk, cheese, peanut butter and beans. The WIC vouchers aren't transferrable just by handing them over, so I wanted to be sure that the babies got all they had coming. I sent clothes, a swing, a bouncy baby chair, blankies, etc. It filled a pickup truck bed! Good thing the cw came with a truck!

[Chancey]

In regards to bottles and diapers... I only send a handful of diapers and no bottles at all. The bottles were bought with my money, and I believe that these parents should supply their own. I do send all the clothes and toys.

[EandDmom]

When we got our placement the head social worker dropped them off. She said make certain you keep a stash of clothes to have for yourself to have on hand for the kids that will come into your home. We don't get a clothing allowance in my state. I'm planning on sending the clothes that fit them except for what I bought before they arrived those are mine. They can have the special toys they have gotten. Birthday, christmas and whatever they have earned off of their star chart. That is it. Major items I bought are staying here. We heard in class how one father insisted the child should get the families tv since the child had used it. If that were the case the kids would leave with everything in my house.

[mommy2fiveplus]

I always send what they came with (we have to keep a log upon arrival and enter items if they arrive after a visit) plus a diaper bag that usually has enough to last 2-3 days, plus any WIC they have coming, and any clothing I have purchased with the clothing allowance. I also send special toys/books/blankets etc that are obviously the child's and not a "family thing". We have 5 other children so many times things are given to everyone, but special things that belong to just one child go with that child. I do not send equiptment (carseats, boncers, highchairs, etc.) because the reimbursement is not meant for those things and there is no way I could re-purchase those items for each new child, sometimes we may only have a baby for a few weeks or monthes and even if we have them longer shortly after they leave a new child will come our way that needs those items. I have sent a carseat with a grandma once, because she showed up with an ancient (easily 20 years old) carseat that I felt was unsafe and the CW said nothing about it, I was not about to let that baby leave in an unsafe seat.

As for diapers and such, our agency makes it very clear to parents that they must provide for the baby before they reunify, so for visits they require the bios to provide their own diaper bags and by the time reunification occurs it is SOP, to have your own supplies, I doubt they would even ask about diapers in our area.

[CaddoRose]

I think that the OP just shows how much the Mom was not prepared to take the baby. That could be a problem with how the parent is prepared by the state for reunification. She should have been informed that she needed to have all the things necessary to have the baby including a crib, car seat, bottles and food.I would think that the state working with the parents for reunification would at least check to make sure they had the essentials at home already and that anything the foster parents sent would just add to what she had.

I will send home all the things the parents bought for her. They never brought anything from home because there was never anything there to bring. Any clothes I bought specifically for them(I also keep clothes I buy with my money even though they may wear them) Any toys that they are attached to or that I bought for them. Enough diapers/supplies for a two days and any special food they might need for two days.

To me the whole idea is that the parents know they are getting their children back so they have time to prepare for them and should have the things ready.