[michsm]

As you can see from my signature I have four smilies side by side for one of my former placements. They were my first placement and a family placement. They were r/u over a year ago. Since then I have stayed a very close part of their lives, as I was before they came into my home. I have watched as their family situation has slowly deteriorated over time. I have voiced my concerns of their safety to Dfcs, but no one would listen.

While these children were in my home they were all doing very well in school had regained some of their self esteem and for the first time experienced the stability and security they deserved.

I have watched over past year as their grades have dropped, relapsing in bed wetting has occured, eating disorders have taken back over, drugs have entered the picture and insecurity has set back in.

About six months ago I agreed to watched the kids overnights, 3 nights a week, while mom worked. I would drop them back off to their dad on the weekends so he could spend some time with them. That only lasted a month and then mom found out how verbally abusive he was being and that the kids were scared of being hurt by him. So I started keeping the kids here with me while she worked. It has gotten to the point where they do not want to go back home. It is always can I stay one more night. I have to remind them that they do not live here. Well here I sit with them sleeping once again in my home.

I received a call around midnight that mom was checking herself back into the hospital overwhelmed and having suicidal thoughts(extensive history). How do I tell these children when they wake up that their mom is back in the hospital? How do I look in their eyes and break their hearts? How do I make sure they are kept safe and secure. I will have to call cps in a few hours. The last time she was hospitalized (about 4 months ago) they did nothing with the kids because she had left them with me in a safe environment. They can't continue like this they need services they need HELP!

I love these kids with all my heart I have since the day they were born. I don't want to break their hearts this morning and I have to. I want to see thier mom healthy and able to care for them and she can't. I want their dad to stop putting his drug use before his children and he wont. Please pray for these children and their family. They are going to need every prayer they can get.

I am going to wait until after their morning activities to tell them. If you have any advice on how to help us all get through this I welcome it. Thanks for listening.

[hesabanana]

I think I would talk to them about how important it is to their mom to keep them safe....she made sure they were with you, and then did what she needed to do (went to the hospital) to get well so she can take care of them. They are old enough to know how messed up she is, but maybe it might comfort them to think about her behavior in these terms.
I don't envy you....please keep us posted.

[athikers]

Good point, hesabanana... point out the GOOD choice mom made by making sure they were with you. I'm guessing the kids won't take it as hard as you imagine if they continually ask to stay with you. They know mom is safe at the hospital... and they are safe. That is a big comfort to kids their age, imo.

[KT08]

Gosh, I feel so sad that you and your beloved children are going through this. They are very lucky to have such a loving and supportive caregiver as you.

I suggest that you speak to them in kindness and in truth about what has happened. Don't lie to them or mislead them or make promises you can't keep. They love you and trust you. Comfort them and help them the best you can. I hope CPS makes wise decisions in this heartbreaking case.

[CaddoRose]

I think they are lucky that their mother left them with you because you do care about them so much. I hope there is some way that CPS will step up and do what they are meant to do. Is there a lawyer or CASA/GAL that you could speak to who knows the situation?

[Mommyofthreetobe]

Hi, Im so sorry to hear this is happening, I really hope that CPS does get involved so you guys can all work together to keep the kids safe. It looks like you made this post this morning so I assume you have told them by now and called CPS. How did it go?

I also want to give you this website a friend of mine uses....I hope this is appropriate on this board, but as far as dealing with a minor with an eating disorder, there is a wonderful way to get support for the caregiver (which is you for now) F.E.A.S.T.'s Around the Dinner Table online forum


Good luck to everyone in the situation. I'm so sorry to hear about it and will keep everyone in my prayers. Keep us updated, okay?

[michsm]

I let them have as normal a morning as possible while I dealt with cps on the phone. They are going to leave them with me until Monday when they can have a staffing regarding the situation.

After they got home from their school and church activities I gave them lunch and then sat down with them. The oldest who remains hard as a rock on the outside (at all times) broke down in tears. I havn't seen her cry in since, I can't remember when. I sat and held her for a while which she has never let me do before. The middle child acted like nothing was wrong as usual. She tends to hold everything in for long periods and then loose it all at once. The youngest was a mess also. We sat for a long time and told him how much his mom loves him but that it was not his job to protect her anymore (he had been keeping the house clean and doing the laundry).

They are trying to stay occupied which is great. They have popped up with questions once in a while. I have tried to answer them the best I could. It has been a long day though and everyone is emotionally exhausted. I cannot wait until bed. It will be a long next few days for these children. Keep them in your prayers please.

[QueenEsther]

Michsm, I have been thinking about you and the kids this weekend - how are you all doing?

[michsm]

it has been a very long weekend.

E, 15 has blamed herself for mom being hospitalized. She thinks because of her recent behaviors that is the reason mom got sick. She is not someone who opens up easily. I have been fortunate that she has found comfort in talking to H, just recently placed with me.

M, 13 has broken down several times. She is trying to hold it together the best she can. I am always telling her it is ok to let it go. She likes to maintain the everything is fine and perfect attitude.

S, 11 has also broken down a few times. He has taken more the attitude of I'm going to be here for a while I'll go unpack my stuff.

I have also had issues with JT this weekend. It finally hit her that her brother and sister don't live here anymore and she misses them dearly. She has been an emotional wreck.

H has been sick all weekend, running a fever. Luckily there have been enough people in the house so that she always has someone offering to hold and feed F.

As for me I am holding my own and just trying to be there for each of them. It has been hard though. I went from having one kid to 6 in a matter of two days. I have cried with each one of them but tried to keep the brunt of my emotions to myself. When I need a little bit of peace I ask H if I can hold her baby for a little bit. It is amazing what an infant can do for you. She is so sweet and peaceful. She can change my mood in a heartbeat.

Today will also be a long day waiting to find out if the kids are coming into care or not. E doesn't want to go to school. She is afraid she will not be able to concentrate, they will say they are going to call mom and she will loose it. I will see how she is this morning.

Well thanks for my morning therapy session (ha, ha). I think I needed that to keep my sanity.

Please keep all of us in your prayers. I will update when I am able to.

[meshsgrl]

wow... hugs and prayers sent your way!! You are amazing to deal with so many teenagers!!! May God give you extra strength and wisdom in the days to come!!

[Withay]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[QueenEsther]

Hang in there! Keep telling us what's going on - we want to hear, and you might need to talk.

Hugs & prayers to you all.

[michsm]

Originally Posted by QueenEsther

and you might need to talk.

:

How did you know. It has been such a long week. The emotional ups and downs are tough sometimes. I am trying to meet the need of everyone in my house (including myself). I have been tring to spend a little one on one time with each child everyday. Even my dog is feeling the effects. I have had to play with her outside at 6 in the morning because that is the only time I can fit her in.

Jt is feeling like she is not getting enough attention. I had a long talk with her last night. I know its hard for her going from an only child to one of 6 in a matter of two days. I told her I am still there to listen and be there for her when she needs me. I have tried to explain to her that the other children do need a lot of attention right now. None of that matters though, all that matters is that she feels like she is not getting her needs met. I told her I would try a little harder to pay attention if she would try a little harder to verbalize her need for support at that time. I also told her there was no guarantee I would be able to drop everything at that moment but that I would talk as soon as I could. I will also be getting some notebooks for everyone so they can write it to me if they need to.

CPS has decided that when mom gets released today that the kids can go right home with her. There is no immenent danger. I have my concerns about that, but have some comfort that they will be here tommorow for the holiday and then back this weekend, if mom is able to go to work.

S, does not want to go home. He is afraid that nothing has changed and everything will remain the same. He wants to stay here with me. I have told him I would talk to mom and see if he can spend a few extra night until he feels a little bit better. The only problem I see with that is the fact that he does find his comfort, safety and security in my home and he can't stay. He has to deal with going home.

E, has not expressed her feelings on going home. The one big clue was when I told her we would be picking mom up today and then going beck to their house and she asked if she could stay tonight. This is from the child who always wants to go home because she is 15 and likes the freedom she gets there.

M, has been consumed with reading. She is letting some emotion out , but for the most part is trying to stay in her perfect little world.

As if things were not bad enough. One of their neighbor "friends" started a rumor at school that their mom had overdosed on her medication, sliced her wrists and was dead. E wants to kick her a**. I told her that would do no good and please not to get into anymore trouble in school. She has enough problems there. S does not want to go to school on monday and is having a hard time with what was said because he has never thought of that possibility and now he has. He is even more scared than he was before. M, is in her perfect world still.

I have expressed my concerns to CPS and am not done. I reminded the supervisor last night that emotional abuse does not leave a "bruise". There is now an open case but for now the kids are going home for now as if nothing happened and CPS will be enjoying their long holiday weekend. I know they have worked very hard for the last few days (talking to me from their home on their time off). I am just not comfortable sending the kids right back with mom and I do have my concerns. I hate due process. I am lucky to have had a long working relationship with the main people involved and I have been given phone numbers if I need someone.

As if all of the emotional issues are not enough. I have my home re-certification in 5 days. I have so much to get done.

I think I will stop back up to the office this morning and let them know what S has expressed about going home.

Thanks for listening and for all your support.

[EandDmom]

to you and yours