[KT08]

I have been a foster mother for two years to a toddler since he was an infant. I have a good relationship with the birth family. It looks like he will be reunited.

My question is: should I maintain a relationship with this child after he is reunited with this birth parents. They welcome my involvement and I would like to maintain a relationship with him (and them). However, some friends (who aren't foster parents) said it may not be in the child's best interest ie maybe it would confuse him or delay bonding with the birth parents, etc.

Any advice on whether to stay involved with young children you have fostered?

Thanks.

[jae101]

It looks like we are in the same situation. The parents asked if I would be the Godmother of the boys, although the aunt will have them. They all welcomed me with open arms. I think that I will remain in their lives but will also limit my contact (Oh it will be hard) so that the family can bond. Of course I will be there for birthdays and Holidays.

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think you should stay involved on a limited basis. I think that it is great, that they want you to be involved in his/her life. Give them some time right after r/u, so that the child can bond with the parent, then as they get more comfortable, start visiting or whatever they chose.

I personally would much prefer to stay in this child's life as much as possible. It is healthy for the kids to know that two adults can act as adults.

[reesegayla]

Speaking from personal experience, I think staying in the childs life can be a great thing! My mother was a foster parent when I was a child and she became close with biomom of her very first placement and when fs was ru at 18 months, biomom started using again and called us after 2 weeks. He actually wound up living with us until he was 8 years old. I am still in contact with him and still call him my brother. In fact last summer he came from virginia to PA to visit for a week. He is 16 now.

[ranoutofnames]

I just went through this very same thing. I got a child at 4 months old and she was just returned about a month ago after being with me two years.

I have an open relationship with the family, but unfortunately the parents live more than an hour from me so the child didn't see the parents and me at the same time very often. For this reason (and because I had a baby right before she left so I don't have as much time) I have felt it better to pretty much disappear and give them time. In the future I'm sure I'll see her again but for now it would be confusing for her.

It sounds like in your situation your kiddo is used to seeing both you and the parents at the same time so keeping contact could be very beneficial so the child doesn't feel like a really important person in their life suddenly disappeared.

[basimah]

How can it be a bad thing for a kid to have as many people as possible in their life who care for and love them? I think it's probably more confusing for them to have a long term caregiver just drop off the face of the earth.

[waited2long]

Originally Posted by basimah

How can it be a bad thing for a kid to have as many people as possible in their life who care for and love them? I think it's probably more confusing for them to have a long term caregiver just drop off the face of the earth.

I agree, the child might feel abandoned.

[jllambert]

I have been lucky and have been able to remain in contact with many of my foster children. One move to OK and the family has been back to TX twice and always visit. Plus we just got great news from them last week that they are moving back to TX only 30 miles from us ! One I get pictures and calls from is aunt and adult sister. I have only had being in contact go bad once. The Bio-mom called and asked me to help her leave the daddy. She said he was hitting her. So I helped her, and in the process saw and was told many things by her that really worried me. When she stopped staying in contact I figured she went back to him. Once I had it confirmed that she and the kids where back in that home I had to call in a report to CPS. I am not sure what has happened since then, but she knew it was me that reported them and now I know I will never have contact with the kids again. I just pray they are safe. I sometimes wish I had not seen and heard what I did because sometimes not knowing is less painful!! I would still prefer to maintain contact with all my kids!!

[KT08]

Thanks for the encouragement. The birth parents (married) have asked me to be his godmother. The birth mom is lonely, I think, and she said to me that I have been the only person who has been nice to her throughout this 2-year ordeal.

I want to see my foster son primarily because I love him dearly and can't imagine completely walking out of his life. However, I also want to remain in my foster son's life to keep an eye on him.....He's just turned 2 and I suspect may be benignly neglected upon his return. He is very very attached to me and has had little contact with the birth mom. The birth dad, however, has seen him weekly since my fs was taken into custody so he will go to his birth dad, though not if I'm around.