[Boulderbabe]

Eagle6,

You really, REALLY need an attorney. The longer you let this go, the harder it is going to be on the baby. Please don't take a ton of time trying to do this without an attorney. The baby will attach to the foster parents and they to him, and it will be devastating to everyone if he has to be moved.

Time is really moving fast. After a month in care, the baby is already developing deep attachments. Because breaking those bonds has been shown to cause serious psychological damage in infants, the court is going to be more and more reluctant to move the baby as time goes on.

This is no time to be in "Do it Yourself" mode. Don't waste time writing the president or whatever. Get an attorney, and deal with this in the next week. You have GOT to hurry now---too much time has gone on already!

[mommy2fiveplus]

This is just an off the wall observation from a nurses point of view, but it seems odd to me that a baby this young should have two femur fractures originating from two different days and with different types of fractures. Baby bones are very difficult to break (they typically bend) and while spiral fx can occur a simple "staight break" is even more uncommon. Also acts of violence are usually just that, an act with a begining and an end, usually a parent will seek medical treatment for a child as soon as the act is over, espessially a caterwaulling infant with a femur fx. So how did this child end up with a second fx unless the first went untreated (who allowed that infant to scream for days in pain OR does the child have a developed pain tolerance due to hx of minor fx prior to this). I would concider checking into this child's medical work up, I would look for things like a genetic panel for OSTEOGENESIS IMPERFECTA and see if any of the listed injuries were a "nursemaid's elbow" (dislocated). There is a whole host of subsidary diseases that are similar to OI that can cause young bones to be brittle and fracture easily. As I have seen abuse many times over I am not denying that it occurred nor an I naive that no parent could do this to a child (I am an RN in an ER- I know it happens and how bad it can be). This just seems a little odd to me.

Anyway, at the least, get into that court hearing on 12/15, if you have to stand right up and tell the judge what is going on in your end of the situation at least then everybody will know you are not going away.

[EAGLE6]

Per the doctors reports (there were 3 different one's) that were submitted to the courts. The child had each femur w/ a spiral fracture. They state that one fracture occured 6-10 days prior to my nephew coming to the ER, and the other within 24 hours of him coming to the ER.

I have asked the CW's if all medical dx's have been ruled out, and they stated "yes".

I know this is off topic. However, we seen the baby 6 day's prior to his going to the ER. Supposedly the physician's state the 1st fracture occured prior to this. I held that baby for nearly 2hrs straight that day. He was smiling, coooing, and getting ready to do big, deep belly laughs. He showed no signs of discomfort or pain. He was his normal, happy, easy-going self. So, I do not know how accurate those reports are. I did not change him that day, so I do not know if he had any marks or anything, but I do know he showed no signs of anything being wrong by crying or fussing or anything. At least not during the time I was there.

________________________

[Boulderbabe]

Don't feel too bad about not noticing, Eagle. We have a case here where a baby had something like 10 fractures, and his own pediatrician didn't notice them. Babies are remarkably resilient little creatures....

Any update on the situation? I'm thinking of you, and hoping that little guy will be with you soon. Your house is clearly a great option for him, and I hope he'll be in there and settled very soon!

[EAGLE6]

We have an appt w/ an attorney tomorrow at 3pm. He specializes in foster care situations. It took us 9 calls to find one who didn't just do "family law/custody" as their speciality. The local Bar Association was really no help in giving us referrals. Anyhow, we'll see what he says.

I also made contact w/ a "kinship foster placement advocacy group" in my state. I have a phone conference set up w/ them on Monday to discuss our situation.

I will be placing calls to our caseworker every weekday until they comply. They need to at least start this process, they have no reason to deny us, because they have not even started to look into us.

I've been trying to get a hold of the Oubudsman for our area. I've been hitting dead ends on that one too. I will continue my search for this person(s) tomorrow. Can I ask, does every county have one in a state for foster care? Some people I've spoken w/ do not seem to know what I'm talking about.

Lastly, depending on what the attorney states, I've been doing my research on obtaining a fair hearing. We will proceed w/ going to the court house to petition for this next Friday (12/5) if there is not some very significant progress on our case.

The caseworkers are really set in believing that the baby will go to the grandparents at their custody hearing. While that is okay, at least my nephew will be w/ family. I just do NOT understand, at all, how he can be placed w/ a grandparent who works out of town 4 days a week, and w/ his biological mother in the home full time. It all just seems to make this whole process senseless.

[Boulderbabe]

Eagle, while you're doing this, you may also want to work up the chain at DSS. Stop calling the caseworker. Call the main number, and say, "I'd like to speak to So-and-So's supervisor." Present your case to the supervisor, and be sure to get her name. Send her an email to follow up that same day. If you do not hear back in 24 hours, repeat the process, but this time, say "I'd like to speak to Supervisor's supervisor."

Lather, rinse, repeat until you reach the head honcho at DSS. Make sure you're documenting each call with an email that summarizes the conversation, and asks for a return call in 24 hours. Be sure to document the failures to return calls as well. You will need a very, very good timeline of events here, so grab a notebook and start writing every little thing down!

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by cantbuymeluv

In no way are adoptive parents USUALLY baby thieves, I respect what they are doing and trying to do. BUT a foster family that would fight a SAFE & willing relative is EVIL.

While this may be the case in your family's situation, I HUGELY resent the implication that because I love and want to adopt the foster children in my care I'm evil.

In my case, the "relative" I fought was an aunt by marriage only. My kids' bmom got married to a man just out of prison 10 days before she gave birth to the youngest. This man was not the baby's father, as he'd be in prison for well over a year and got out just before the marriage. I, on the other hand, was the adoptive mom to the baby's older sister and foster mom to the baby's older brother. Yet to these people, I was the evil one trying to steal their relative.


You need to remember this is a board for ALL MEMBERS of the foster and adoption world. Not just the family members seeking kinship care. I love my kids and would do whatever it took for their safety and happiness. What I will not do is have someone imply that that's a bad thing.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by vegaschristina

While this may be the case in your family's situation, I HUGELY resent the implication that because I love and want to adopt the foster children in my care I'm evil.

I don't think a person is evil either for loving and wanting the best for these kids. I don't think the FP's whom faught me for our niece was evil in anyway whatsoever. They were loving her as their own and wanting her to stay with them. I don't believe what they did was right...or they made the right choices. I also don't believe my SIL made the right choices to protect my niece from harm either.

I think what the other poster meant to say is she was angry because she is a safe and qualified relative whom the FP's are fighting placement with. That she doesn't believe is right. I think saying someone is "evil" for doing that isn't the right wording either.

[cantbuymeluv]

I apologize for saying that this PARTICULAR foster parent that I AM dealing with, is "evil". That was not correct, and for that I am very sorry. What you read was me 'venting' my own frustrations. My intentions are NOT to offend anyone.

IN MY PARTICULAR case, I AM a qualified Physician's Assistant student, with 5 biological healthy, happy, and well taken care of children, my husband makes 6 figures and provides well for our family, and we have been approved 2 times by county and HAVE an approved adoptive home study, AND are relatives by blood, who have LIVED with this child for the first 10 months of his life while caring for him, and we have requested placement of him since he was 17 months old and FIRST taken into the system and it has been OVER a year, and the foster parents ARE pushing for their own needs to be met and HAVE fibbed or exaggerated when it came to his "behaviors" AND they have had PHYSICAL abuse happen to MY nephew in their home more than 4 times that are documented. (I capitalize not to yell but to stress the facts.)
I am TRYING to be patient with a system that is terribley flawed and there ARE good and bad on both sides of the coin. NOT evil but selfish may be the better word here. I am human and will make mistakes, I will work on my verbage, thank you for pointing that out.
I try hard to stress that these are my issues and my opinions but as a Christian, even I will have sometimes HUGE flaws LOL
In no way are foster parents bad for wanting to protect a child, in no way is a foster parent bad for wanting to adopt.........but in this case......it is NOT OK for these particular foster parents to put their want for another child ahead of the child's right to his blood family who can provide and care for him. The system is at fault first, for NOT moving him ASAP.
I hope that you can see my intentions are NOT to anger or hurt anyone here, I am trying to navigate through a system that is broken and do the right things. Our situations may be very different, and in no way am I lumping all foster parents OR relatives together or even SW, there are good, better, and worse of all.
Again I apologize for any hurt feelings. I try not to read into other's posts as I read. If I did, every time I saw TPR was today or adoption finalized today.............by an adoptive family I would be angered or saddened for the relatives and birth parents (but I know that in all cases are VERY different.) There is no one size fits all here but a case by case set of rules............IF the rules are playing fair and REALLY putting the child's best interest first.
Respectfully,

[MomwithFive]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

There are lots of different situations out there. Not all of them are identical to yours. And there are lots and lots of reasons why it might be better for a child to stay with a foster family rather than being sent to a relative.

Please don't overstate your case, and watch your words. I found your post really offensive, and hurtful, too. There's really no need to go there.

I have to agree. We were the "foster family" but also held kinship status in court which was equal to bio family and there was good reason for this. Blood relative was not the best thing for my daughter either.