[sarahdaisy]

Hello Everyone,

My question is about a baby shower, but first, here's some background info. I've wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. For whatever reason, I've been unable to get pregnant and now am REALLY looking forward to being a foster mom come January. I know that fostering only sometimes leads to adoption, but nonetheless, I'm excited about having a baby in my home to love on and care for, if only for a little while. I can't wait 'till January!!

Ok, my question... At least two women I know, through work or my church, have mentioned a baby shower to me. If I were pregnant, I would of course want a shower, and deep down I'd love one for becoming a foster mom. But I don't know if a shower for me is appropriate since it's not the typical biological "experience." Who knows, though? Being a foster mom might be the only mothering that I ever do, therefore my only chance for a baby shower.

What do ya'll think? Is that every done? Is it common to have a shower for a new foster mom? And if so, how does it work? Would the gifts be for me to keep for all my foster kids to use, down the road, or for only my first fc to keep and take back with them if they get RU'd? I'd love to hear from you!!

Thanks so much, friends!

[deadcalm]

I didn't have a baby shower, but I was flooded with gifts from friends and co-workers when I recieved my fd. I kept telling everyone that she is a foster child, but it didn't matter to them. As long as she was with me she is part of the family and will be treated like any other new member to the family.

[CaddoRose]

You are lucky to have friends who want to throw a shower for you. It is great to have such support. There are so many things you need if you are taking babies through age 4-5. Crib, car seat, high chair, booster seat, bibs, bottles, sippy cups, and on and on. Anything that I got from friends or bought stays with me unless it is something I bought specifically for a child like clothes, toys or other special items.

[Pursuingmydream]

I had three showers, two at work and one with my family and friends. I am single and can not afford to purchase all of the things I needed and besides these folks were excited for me and could not deny them the pleasure of doing something from their heart.

Allow them to have the shower you will be glad later.
Hey I got to wear a Tiara that said Mom 2 Be on it.. Cool huh?

[forever14230]

I think a shower is a great idea, but you might want to wait until you get your first placement so people know what you need. If you don't want to wait, just register for things that will cover a broader range of ages, like convertible car seats and cribs.

[NotAMomYet]

My family threw a shower for us - against our wishes - but it was really sweet. They suggested to guests wanting to get gifts to get family-friendly toys and games for toddler-to-early elementary aged kids. We were given all sorts of great games that we can use as a family - whether children are with us for two weeks or forever.

Mostly, however, we got to see just how much support we have in our quest to be parents.

[Emmesmom]

I am single, no children and had very little when I got my first placement. My co-workers threw me a big shower, and it was two months after I got her and I told them there was a good chance she might be reunited. There comments were, it didn't matter, I needed the stuff and so did she. They didn't even care if I sent some of the items home with her when she when home, as long as she needed them they felt they were helping her as well as me. Even though I lost her, and am anxiously waiting for a new placement, this whole experience continues to amaze me with the thoughtfulness and generosity of others.

[EandDmom]

I would make certain they completely understand that foster childrens first goal is always reunification. Everyone always asks us if we are adopting our foster kids no one seems to understand that is not what happens immediately. No one ever gave us a shower but once we got kids placed with us lots of people just started giving us clothes and toys and things. Many people told me that they wanted to foster parent themselves but couldn't for whatever reason and this was their way of helping.

[Jeralyn]

Originally Posted by sarahdaisy

Hello Everyone,

My question is about a baby shower, but first, here's some background info. I've wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. For whatever reason, I've been unable to get pregnant and now am REALLY looking forward to being a foster mom come January. I know that fostering only sometimes leads to adoption, but nonetheless, I'm excited about having a baby in my home to love on and care for, if only for a little while. I can't wait 'till January!!

Ok, my question... At least two women I know, through work or my church, have mentioned a baby shower to me. If I were pregnant, I would of course want a shower, and deep down I'd love one for becoming a foster mom. But I don't know if a shower for me is appropriate since it's not the typical biological "experience." Who knows, though? Being a foster mom might be the only mothering that I ever do, therefore my only chance for a baby shower.

What do ya'll think? Is that every done? Is it common to have a shower for a new foster mom? And if so, how does it work? Would the gifts be for me to keep for all my foster kids to use, down the road, or for only my first fc to keep and take back with them if they get RU'd? I'd love to hear from you!!

Thanks so much, friends!

My friends want to throw me a shower. I find it a little odd and would rather wait until I one day adopt. Keep in mind that whatever you get with a foster child and that child goes back to the bio family or another adoptive family, the items in use are to go with that child. Good luck.

[JessicaBaker]

I had a "meet-the-baby" tea put on by my friends when I got my first placement of a baby girl (now my daughter). The invites said no need to bring a gift, but nearly everyone did.

I loved the experience, and now that I actually am pregnant (after 5+ years of trying and not really trying) I totally don't want or need a shower. After many fostering placements we have all the gear, clothes, baby stuff we could possibly ever need.

[hcg]

Originally Posted by Jeralyn

My friends want to throw me a shower. I find it a little odd and would rather wait until I one day adopt. Keep in mind that whatever you get with a foster child and that child goes back to the bio family or another adoptive family, the items in use are to go with that child. Good luck.

Surely that's only what comes with the child, or what you buy expressly for that child (e.g. with clothing vouchers). Otherwise none of us would have a clothing stash of our own left!

And I don't think there's anything wrong with your friends throwing you a baby shower. 2 friends from church are doing the same for me next week, and their offer was completely out of the blue. They've fostered before, so they know N could be with us 2 weeks or 2 years; this shower is to celebrate him being here *now*.

[Ritam]

My best friend gave me a big foster parent shower complete with games. I also can not be a mother naturally. it was a wonderful thing I recieved many presents that truly helped out. The best gifts were the gift cards. I recently receved my first placements and with out those I would have been in trouble they really helped. everyone loved coming I had no wierd comments. and its a great time to educate people on how foster care works...

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by Jeralyn

Keep in mind that whatever you get with a foster child and that child goes back to the bio family or another adoptive family, the items in use are to go with that child. Good luck.

That's not how I understand it or how I do it. I send any of the child's clothes that currently fit, and a few favorite toys. Stuff I get from friends, clothes that are the wrong size, and basic home furnishings like cribs and swings all stay with me. Heck, they sit on my sofas, but I'm not sending those! I don't send my dishes along with toddlers, so I don't send my bottles along with infants.

I think it's fine to have a baby shower for basic things that go to stock the house. They don't need to be given away later.

[Newshyde]

I posted on someone else about a baby shower, but to repeat, I had a shower, although we called it a new parent party. It was great. I invited guys and gals, we had lunch, I got present and gift cards. That is how I got my diaper bag, got stocked up on some bottles and dishes, I got a few toys, and some photo albums. A few of the things went with my first foster child when he was RU, but mostly because they were toys he really liked. Other than that, my friends and I looked at it as helping me stock the house. Since my age range was 0-4, some of the stuff I didn't use even until my current placement because my FFS was either too old for the baby baby stuff and left before he was old enough for other things, like Candyland.
Mostly it just showed me how supportive my friends and family are. I got tons of stuff as well after my FFS was placed with me and got a ton of stuff from some of the same people when my current foster kids were placed with me. People who are offended by a baby shower for a non-pregnant person aren't going to come, but I was surprised how many people really really wanted to be invited and participate in what was going on with me.
So ya, have a shower, tailor it to your specific needs and have fun. You'll need so much more than you will get. You have to stock up in a different way. when you get a baby you can prepare for the first 0-3 months and then buy stuff as it's needed. When you get a baby and a 4-year-old all of a sudden (like I have now) you suddenly need a lot of stuff right away! Even feeling stocked up, during their first 48 hours with me I went to the store 4 times to get stuff!
Have fun!

[sarahdaisy]

Since I posted my question, I decided I really am ok with the idea of a shower for me. Thanks so much for all of your comments! Yesterday at church, I prayed about it and told God that if He wanted me to have a shower, then someone would have to offer to throw me one, because otherwise I thought it wouldn't happen. Then right when church was over, a friend of mine came over and said, "Sarah, I want to throw your first baby shower for you." I was so excited!! Yeah! So I am going to get my shower after all.

Thank you so much to everyone! My shower will be in January after my first placement. God is so good.