[zippehsmom]

Unfortunately, my first placement is not working out. She is a 3 1/2 yr. old little girl who has a lot of emotional issues, she is aggressive, acts out sexually and very defiant. She is just too much and it is having a negative impact on my two bio DD's and other FD.

I was wondering what do you send with a FC who is leaving your home to go to another foster home? I know her clothing, some toys,etc.., but do you include any background information, like making copies of psych evals., school reports, your personal notes, etc...?

Thanks, I have never done this before, so I appreciate any tips or advice.

[SarahBethsMommy]

I got my foster son from another home. I was very appreciative of anything the former foster mom could tell me. We sat down together and talked about 3 times before his permanent move (he spent some respite nights with me before officially moving).

Things I wanted to know were:
- Things he loved and hated or needed (like special blanket and hates riding in shopping carts)
- Upcoming events in his life... like doctor visits, etc. She even offered to come with me which was sweet, but I didn't need it.
- His normal routine.
- Ways he shows he is sick, hungry, happy, mad, whatever.
- Any paperwork from the doctors or DHR.
- As much history as she had (this would probably be in your notes) regarding his family and what had happened since he'd come into care.

I also got pictures and stuff like that from her. She hadn't started a lifebook, so I just got the pictures and such to start one.

She also offered her phone number and let me call whenever I had a question. I have used that a number of times and she never minds which is wonderful!

She sent his clothes (even those that didn't fit anymore), all the food she had left for him, 2 bottles (though I didn't need them, she said they'd come with him), all the blankets and toys that had come with him, other toys she'd bought specifically for him, and 2 bags of diapers that were his.

I think if you are comfortable, the best thing to do is give a phone number where you can be reached if her new fps remember something they need to ask you.

[Boulderbabe]

One thing you definitely need to do is let the new fmom know about the sexual acting out and the aggression. She's going to have to take steps to keep any other kids in the house safe, so please, don't be shy about passing that information along.

Other than that, how about sharing a list of things that comfort the little girl, making sure the fmom knows what her lovies are, and offering up any paperwork that you have? I think that psych reports, medical records and so on are really key for helping the new family get this little one settled in. THe fewer surprises they have, the more likely they'll be to hang in there instead of giving up on this little one.

[sarah3015]

I am sorry that she is going to have to be moved, but totally understand!! When our ffs was moved to be with his brother, I sent a list with all the contacts of people that I had been in contact with (school, doctor, headstart, attorney, etc). And wrote out a letter with everything I could think of about him. His schedule, likes, dislikes, things that set him off, how to calm him down, discipline techiniques that worked and didn't work. And a number/email, so if there were any concerns/questions, I could be reached. I made sure to mention the areas of concern we had with him, and also to mention the progress and positive things I had noticed. I also sent a photo album with him (my version of a lifebook) and some of the cute crafts and things he had drawn.
Sarah

[zippehsmom]

Thanks for the response. I was thinking of doing just that, but I wanted to make sure that it did not break any rules or anything. I already made her scrapbook and have saved her preschool work. It just breaks my heart that I have to send her to a new family, but I have to think of my daughters. We were sooooo excited when she came. I never thought a three year old could have so many problems.

Sarah, hows the baby?

[sarah3015]

When does she move? Are they transitioning or just moving her? I totally agree about the 3 year old thing, I never thought our 3 year old fs would be so hard! But then 3 year olds are a hard age without all the other trauma some of these kids have gone through! Our little one is doing well! She is adorable and the girls love to love on her (sometimes a little too much!) Her case is going towards tpr and so soon she will probably be moving to either an adoptive relative or prospective adoptive family. but she has been a joy to take care of!
Sarah