[2Tim1seven]

Our fd has been with us for 6 1/2 months, at one point she went home for 7 weeks, and then came back into care. During the time she was at home we still had contact with her and her mom. Now the case is going to adoption. The family search was initially done, two sets of relatives came forward. The paternal grandparents and a maternal aunt. Well, the grandparents withdrew, they have their hands full with a teenage son who's out of control. We have a great relationship with them. They have fd every Sunday for 7-8 hours. During that time she visits with other members of the family. Grandparents would like for us to adopt fd and maintain their roll as grandparents. The aunt doesn't think they should move fd, since she doesn't know them, and she is doing so well with us, so she also withdrew. So we went to court, judge recommended that DHS sit down with all parties involved and decide what is best for fd. DHS calls us up and says that they have a maternal step aunt (of 3 years) who wants to adopt fd. She has never met fd and doesn't have contact with the blood relatives in the family. So now DHS is going to place fd with her, even though the grandparents and the aunt both feel she should remain with us. DHS won't return our phone calls, or those of the grandparents. The policy for DHS states, "that preference should be given to relatives, however, they are not required to place the child with family. It also states that DHS should consider the opinions of interested family when placing the child." So how can DHS think that placing fd with total strangers, is in the best interest of the child? Especially when the family feels it is in her best interest to remain with us. And this is her 3rd time in care, the longest she's been in one place, and is totally bonded and adores our whole family. To be placed with a step-aunt, who wouldn't even be considered family, if her mother were to divorce the bio grandpa. It's crazy!

So tomorrow, my husband and I will attend a meeting to discuss when fd's transition to her new home will happen. How do you support that, when it's just soooooo wrong? It's sad for fd. She will go from living with us, visiting family on Sundays, and seeing her bio parents weekly to living with strangers in a new city. And that's what is in the "best interest of the child." Come on.

[Bamamom07]

So unreal...... must be a way to stop that..... surely a judge rule in your favor. Sending out a hug and a prayer for you and your child tonight.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by 2Tim1seven

So tomorrow, my husband and I will attend a meeting to discuss when fd's transition to her new home will happen. How do you support that, when it's just soooooo wrong?

You have to place your emotions away from the situation and do what you can to make this a positive smooth transition for your fd. If you do that, then the transition will be good for her and she'll adjust much better then if you show your disdain for the entire move and transition.

I've been on that end of the relatives side with a FP that tried their darnest to hurt the transition and cause issues. Please be positive and do your best to let them know you support it. Then you can be in her life and help them with the transition in a positive way.

[mom2behappy]

and see if there is anyway to get back in court before the judge prior to the move. once the child is moved their is really nothing you can do but I would go back in front the judge

[snc2007]

Have you had any contact with the step-aunt? Maybe she doesn't have all of the details. I would reach out to her regardless of the outcome because it will be in the best interest of your fd. Maybe she will change her mind when she knows whats going on. If not, it will still make for a better transition if you are supportive of each other.
Good luck to you and your family. I'll be hoping for the best outcome.

[akcskye]

Just because she's stepped up doesn't mean she's passed her homestudy, has it?

You're going to have to learn to "walk the fence" on this one.

Sure, we all can agree that the best way is with you, but DHS still holds on to this "blood is thicker than water" attitude when children are moved from temporary to permanent placement plans.

I tire of this. I really do. If blood truly WAS thicker than water, people wouldn't be so selfish and they'd keep their children in their families.

We wouldn't have druggies, drunks, addicts of any sort...and if we did, we'd have stable families that would then take in the children if that member of the family was weak.

But no...we put these children in loving homes with no biological connection and all because of a DNA strand similarity, rip them out of the homes they've gotten comfortable in.

I mean, I'm by no means discounting the biological bond between children and their birth parents. In a perfect world, I would not be a parent right now. But, the world isn't perfect, so DHS needs to adjust their policies to that affect.

I really wish I had the answers for you. If I did, it would help thousands of foster families and children.

All I can offer you is my prayers for what is best for the child happening.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by 2Tim1seven

So tomorrow, my husband and I will attend a meeting to discuss when fd's transition to her new home will happen. How do you support that, when it's just soooooo wrong? It's sad for fd. She will go from living with us, visiting family on Sundays, and seeing her bio parents weekly to living with strangers in a new city. And that's what is in the "best interest of the child." Come on.

Please give your fdaughter the gift of cooperating with this situation, and make the transition easy for her.

It may be that as you get to know this person, she will see how happy the child is with you and be willing to continue being the aunt instead of the mother.

It will be very hard, but try, please try for the child's sake.

[irelady10]

I'm sorry you and and your fd are going through this. it certainly isn't fair, but so mmuch about the system is unfair.

Can you get your own lawyer?

I agree with previous posters that establishing a relationship with step-aunt may help the situation; in my situation, a realtionship with my fs's bios led to an identified surrender.

best of luck, and my prayers are with you and your fd.

[mommy2fiveplus]

I have two suggestion:

1) like the other posters stated, attempt to build a relationship with this step-aunt, the state will do whatever it wishes, the child's best interest be ****ed. If she should end up going to the step-aunt any positive relationship you have with her will ease transition and may lead to her "seeing the light" about what would be best for the child and deciding to back down as a placement and remain like the rest of her bio family, an interested and extended family. I wouldn't count on it though, if this step aunt has little or no contact with the rest of the bio fam, she probably could care less what they think.

2) Speak with the GAL or CASA worker and talk to the other aunt that does know the child and let her know what is going on, if she realizes that she may lose contact with the child due to this move or that the child will enevitably be moved (to her or the step-aunt) she may change her mind about backing off as a placement. Afterall, she backed off because she thought the child had been moved enough, had established a bond and was going to still remain a part of their lives through a somewhat open foster adoption. IF that is all going to be in jeparody by placing her with this unknown step-aunt she may want to reconsider as an adoptive option, and since she knows you she is more likely to keep you updated on the child throughout her life.

I had a recent scare with one of my 2nd cousin's, I have adopted one (my son) when his little sister came into care 3 years later. I declined placement because I was full and it was thought to be a RU for sure. Well RU did not happen after 18 mos and adoption was sought, I had grown fond of the foster parents who adored her and were more than happy to continue our open relationship into adoption. I step back as a placement and they were going to adopt her, however, one of my cousins and his wife decided they wanted to be considered, after I talked to them they still felt she should be raised by family (not bio because most of us are adopted anyway, so no one in our family is really related by blood) and choose to pursue placement, I told the DHS worker that if they were planning to move that little girl (2years @the time) out of her foster home, I wanted to be concidered, they said we were a sure bet because we had her full sibling AND we are already licensed. Turns out my cousin did not pass the homestudy anyway, so the foster family and little girl will hopefully be finalizing her adoption in December.

If the state had their way they would have removed her from the only bond she had every created and placed her with family that had never even met her let alone voiced any opinion about her case in the 18 mos she was in care, not he best interest of the child, at all.

[chevyjewel]

I'd fight it. Tooth and nail.

Especially since you have your fd's family on board.

Have her parents rights been terminated yet? If they know they're going to be can they somehow sway her staying with you, or surrender their rights to you?

Does this step-aunt know how much your fd's family wants the child to stay with you?

It makes me sick to think she knows and simply does not care. Hopefully that's not the case.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

I'd fight it. Tooth and nail.

Especially since you have your fd's family on board.

Have her parents rights been terminated yet? If they know they're going to be can they somehow sway her staying with you, or surrender their rights to you?

Does this step-aunt know how much your fd's family wants the child to stay with you?

It makes me sick to think she knows and simply does not care. Hopefully that's not the case.

I find myself wondering whether she (step-aunt) can have a child--she may see this as her chance to have a family. If so, it's a very selfish reason to come forward.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by RobinKay

I find myself wondering whether she (step-aunt) can have a child--she may see this as her chance to have a family. If so, it's a very selfish reason to come forward.

I wonder too, and I agree.

That or maybe like so many others she's ill informed about what a wonderful family this actually is and is thinking she needs to "save" the child. I know a lot of people hear "foster parent" and hear horrific, nasty, mean, child collector who lives in a horrid house with no running water and dirt floor.

Perhaps if she learns more about who the OP and her family is, that their intentions are good, that they're good people and that it really is in the best interests of the child for her to stay with them, as pretty much the only people she's ever known, she'll change her mind.

I'm hoping and praying that's what happens.

[athikers]

Our first placement, for which we were the pre-adoptive home ended this way. The great aunt who had never met one of the children and not seen the other in many years is now placed with the children and adopting them. They will have no relationship with the other members of their bio family. They were very much loved and doing very well in our home.

I'm sorry to say, the judge will likely rule that she will be moved. It will be very hard to take and very hard to understand. That said... do the best you can to put on a happy face for the transition, it will be a huge help to the child. We pretended like we thought the transition was the best thing ever and the day our kids left (the saddest day in my life to this point) they were all smiles and blowing us kisses out the window because we showed them and their great aunt nothing but kindness during the process. It is unbelievably painful and something that you never get over, but do it with grace for your child's sake.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by RobinKay

I find myself wondering whether she (step-aunt) can have a child--she may see this as her chance to have a family. If so, it's a very selfish reason to come forward.

This is so true, however I've heard of FP's that do fostering just to do this too (grow your family hoping that RU is not possible). We can all "assume" the step aunt is this or that but do you really know the entire truth? I know in our case there was so many lies made about our family that it didn't make it easy on anyone involved.

The possibility is there could be a move here for this child and that all people involved should make it as positive a move as possible. Talking about the what if's and the negatives gets you nowhere. And being positive will help this child transititon easier and also establish a positive relationship (if that's what you want) between you and the relative caregiver. And you just may find the relative would be open to not being "Mom" but "Aunt" instead.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by athikers

Our first placement, for which we were the pre-adoptive home ended this way. The great aunt who had never met one of the children and not seen the other in many years is now placed with the children and adopting them. They will have no relationship with the other members of their bio family. They were very much loved and doing very well in our home.

Exact same scenario happened here.

It broke our hearts and I never have been able to make sense of it. I've moved on, but never fully understood. I pray for peace someday.