[heartlandmommy]

Hello all...first post here. I am new to fostering, so I'd like to hear opinions from those of you who have 'been there, done that'.

My hubby and I took our first foster placement 2 weeks ago - 18 mo b/g twins, emergency care with just a few hrs notice. The twins were sweet, but we also have a 16 month old son (adopted at birth) and the three of them just proved too much for us. The twins required a LOT of attention and appear to be somewhat behind (IMO), in addition to the fact that toddlers destroy your house in their quest to learn and explore! Anyway, when we found out the placement would definitely be for several months, at least, we asked HHS to find another foster family and worked hard for a smooth transition.

Long story short, I felt horrible and cried when they left....after only two weeks! We are doing foster care because we ultimately want to adopt again and can't afford to go through another agency. But after this one brief experience, I'm not sure I can handle letting kids go. I try to tell myself that we fill a special void in their lives, sometimes for a short time, but the heart feels what it feels.

Thanks in advance for your feedback...

[Chancey]

We were totally overwhelmed with our first placement (2 siblings) and I totally wanted to call CPS and have them put elsewhere. These kids were basic level kids and really good, but active. It was all my/our issue, not the kids. We figured out that it is such a HUGE shock to our household to bring in strangers. Well, we stuck with it and ended up enjoying them, but the first two weeks I hated it!!!! After that it became much easier, and in total we have had 25 placements in just over 3 years.

I would say that the ages of all 3 kiddos for you was probably a little much, but bear in mind that it is COMPLETELY NORMAL to feel overwhelmed with your first placement even if it was just one kiddo. I would encourage you to keep going, but set realistic expectations. Maybe accept one kiddo and see how you do.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Heartlandmommy:

(((HUGS)))). I know your feelings, the first one is always the hardest even if it was only 2 weeks. I think you would do fine with other kids just be a little more specific to your own needs first. Know what you and your family can handle. I think that maybe you just bit more than you can chew. It should hurt when they leave. I have been sad to see some go and very happy on others, but it still hurt when they left. It is a natural emotion and your just reacting to the loss of a child. I would suggest to you, to stay well off the age of your own child. Choose either young infants or at least 3 years and older and 1 at a time. It is a big adjustment to go from 1 to 3. You should do it in steps, you typically would only birth 1 child at a time, so you have to keep that in mind.

Hang in there, I cannot say that it gets easier but its well worth it.

[melissa_bear003]

That's one of my concerns with fostering, if we could emotionally handle children coming and going...and not just us, but our kids too. Its part of our ongoing discussion, if we should strictly adopt, foster to adopt, how exactly to go about this and when.

[jbee]

our first one was 3 brothers, 7,8, and 10. we had dd 3 and 1 at the time too. it was overwhelming for a few weeks, but we got on a routine and it was managable.
3 little ones can be hard, i'm sure! we have between 6-8 here everyday for daycare and by the end of the day i'm pooped!
good luck with your next ones, you will be fine!

[jllambert]

The first week of fostering we got a 7 month old and 2 days later a 5 month old. The five month old left 3 days later to move to a town closer to her parents. I cried even when she left! A few days later we got another 5 month old. It was crazy and hectic, but it all seemed to fall into place over the next few weeks. Our first placement (the 7 month old) left to go to grandparents after a little over 3 months with us. I really felt like someone had died. I cried for weeks! My poor husband was so worried about me! I was lucky and the grandparents have kept in close contact with us and have even come from Oklahoma to visit us and next summer we are going up there! Now that he talks he even calls us! I am not sure how I would have gotten over it if I had never been able to see or hear from him! I have had 9 kids in less then a year and a half and I will say I think I cope better with them leaving, but I still shed many tears(packing their belongings is the hardest part for me). Even when I know the move is for the best it still hurts and I hurt for them because they don't understand what is going on. I have to say for every tear I have a blessed memory of good times with the kids. Yes it hurts, but there is still so much joy in being able to love and hold these lil ones! I would worry more if you said their leaving did not make you sad!! Please don't give up yet!! There are so many kids that need good foster homes and adoptive homes!

[JessicaBaker]

Wow, three 1 1/2 year olds! That's impressive that you made it for two weeks!

If you are ultimately hoping to adopt, it may be prudent to only say 'yes' to ages and stages that you can see working long term for your family. Of course, only you can decide what that might look like.

Saying good-bye is hard, and I totally agree with jllambert that the packing up is the hardest part, but it does get a bit easier and you know that there are always other kids out there who need you. You just have to have faith and trust that everything happens for a reason.

[heartlandmommy]

Thanks everyone for your kinds words and encouragement. I called to check in on the twins and they are adjusting well to their new placement, so that made me feel better too.

I"ll use this as a learning experience and won't take on quite so much next time. Hopefully we'll get a call for a single child.

Thanks again and take care!
S.