[QueenMom4]

I am just looking for someone to relate to. We lost our foster girl at 18 months. She went back to the bio-mom in her 4 attempt at rehab for meth. She has been gone for 2 months today. The state will not give me any info about her, the mom will not allow visits.

Any ideas on how to cope? I have 4 boys, 2 adopted, 2 permament guardianship that I love with all my heart but I still miss my baby girl.

I am 52 and this was my last chance for a daughter.

[MommyAlysia]

I don't have coping words but I am sorry you are hurting, its definitely not an easy thing to deal with.

[hermommy]

I don't have any andvice. I just wanted to say I am so sorry.

[greenrobin]

It gets easier over time, but it never completely goes away. Queenie left me for a new placement in June of last year. I couldn't get any info from the state. I found out how she was doing because she came back into care. Since she left here, she's had at least 3 other placements.

I don't cry every day anymore, just once in awhile. Like whenever I think about it.

But, the ache is less and I pray for her every day.

I have other foster kids I love now, but I'd take her back in a heartbeat. The only thing I did was to keep on getting up every morning and going to sleep every night. Good old tincture of time. I'll miss her for the rest of my life.

It's hard, I know. 52 isn't so old. The best thing about life is that it keeps surprising us. Don't write yourself off yet. You are grieving and that takes time. I pray you find some peace.

[hesabanana]

My ason's sister was ru'd a month before we adopted him, after being with us a year. If you search my old posts, you'll see how awful the whole experience was for me and my family. I agree with a previous poster....the only thing that has helped has been time. It has been a bit over two years now, and I still grieve for that baby girl. I DO know how she is doing, and that does not give me much comfort.
Best of luck to you!

[QueenMom4]

Thank you for your kind words.

[QueenMom4]

Thank you.

[forever14230]

I'm so sorry. I agree with a pp, don't give up yet, you are not old by any means!

[DoYaReallyThink]

My thoughts are with you!

[Mkap]

how long did you have her? I dread what you are going through and fear it is in my future. We have a 3 month old, she's been with us since she was 3 days old. Everyday I worry about what may come - with your ending being my worste scenario. I'm sorry for your loss - nothing can make it easier.

[Emmesmom]

I replied in the wrong thread. I am so sorry. I cannot imagine losing my daughter after 18 months. I lost mine after 5 1/5 and I thought that was hard enough. I thought I was lucky in that the birth parents let me see her, even have her overnight on two occasions, but the last time she had terrible diaper rash. It was so bad I informed her GAL. The only relief I have is that I believe they would never harm her intentionally, but I know I could definately provide a better life for her. I can relate to your situation, as I am 51. I made the decision to foster to adopt the summer of my 50th birthday. I am back on the list, am hope I can bond to another baby, when all I can think about is her. I'm sure your boys are a distraction for you and that you love them, but I know how it is to wake up every morning and your first thoughts are if she is ok. Her pictures are all over the place and her room is ready for her to come home to. I just don't understand this system. Sure, reunification is great, if during the the time the baby is in fostercare the bp really do get it together, but 4 times in rehab? I'm sorry, the second time should have been it. It's time to think about this kids attaching to a parent and staying there. My thoughts are with you and that little girl. The longer it goes the more I feel ready to do it again, regardless of my age!. Take care.

[wahinekehau]

so sorry to hear of your loss. Our FD is 2. We've had her since birth and are still uncertain about her future. Some one reminded me that "God Plans Lives." these are the words I live by. We have to keep the faith that my god plans lives for our little ones. He already has a plan and a destination for them. We are simply here to assist his plan.

don't get me wrong, i have bad days too, but i did wanna have some encouragement for you.

in my prayers

[AngelArrow]

Sorry to hear that. I hope she is safe. I agree with the last post 4 times is a little back and forth, but where should line be drawn?

[MassachusettsMom]

I understand. Our former toddler FS was RUed after DSS lost the TPR trial on his birthparents. He had been in foster care almost his entire life and was with us as a pre-adoptive placement. (You can read more of the story on my old posts.) It has been almost four months and we still worry about him and miss him all the time. We have not been able to see him or get much of any info on him.

I recommend therapy. We've found it very therapeutic to also share our story and what happened to our FS. But make sure you find a therapist who "gets" the whole foster/adoption world.

I'd be happy to chat more if you PM me. Hang in there and just keep breathing.

[AngelArrow]

I would use the advise given by the last post. There is no shame in that.