[blubutterflies03]

So, we volunteered to provide respite for the 3 yr old sister of Pinkdancer and Spiderman. The foster mom has only called once, the day after she left her off because she forgot to leave me the booster seat and wanted me to know where she left it. She said " Tell her I love her and I hope to see her again soon". WHAT the heck?????? She also packed her life book so that she could look at the pics with her sister and brother. That sounds odd to me. And to top it off she told the social worker that she needed the time off to the decorate for Halloween. The worker told me she would be in town for the respite. The foster mom told me she was going to Maine.

so, when Saturday comes and goes what do I do if she dosen't come get her??? When I watched her once for a "few hours" she came and got her 8 hours later. that is not a few hours people.

Is this common when you provide respite??? For the other fosters to not call and check up on the kids??? to me she is not being very "motherly". That is just my opinion.

[naca]

When we first started doing foster care, we did respite for the same little girl several times- once for a few days, once for a week, ect.. Her foster parents called once the very first time & after that didn't call anymore. They were not an adoptive home and I always thought it was odd. I do wonder if they are just not the same type of parents as I am? My fs was put in respite at 5mo b/c DCS wouldn't allow him out of state for our preplanned (&paid for ) vacation. I called his respite FP EVERY DAY! LOL! THey wouldn't answer my call except once and never called me back even though they were warned ahead of time that I would most likely call every day for my own piece of mind (placed at birth, heart surgery at 3mo- we'd been thru alot.. lol) and agreed..

[ALfostermom]

when i leave my foster children in respite, i leave them with people i trust and therefore i do not call. they have my number they can call me if they have a question or if the child wants to talk to me. my respite is my vacation and i usually go out of town and try to get away from everything here. I don't feel that makes me a bad foster parent. everybody needs a break from the daily drama and like i said my foster parent friends have my # and they can and will call me if they need too.

[Vitality08]

I don't call and check on my fk's when they go to respite either. I trust they are well unless the respite provider calls me.

I enjoy the time not having to worry about them or what they are getting into.

Maybe if I had an infant it'd be different.

[meshsgrl]

i have done respite... the one sib group, parents never called, never even met them. Transport dropped them off.
Second respite.... Fmom insisted on dropping him off, both her and the fdad called in the day and half that I had him.
I think it would depend on the kids and the situation... My older kids I probably would simply because they would need to hear from me. The younger kids I wouldnt call because it would upset them. I have never put kids in respite myself and cant imagine doing it with someone I dont know!
I am planning a trip in Nov and cant take all the kids. I will be leaving the little ones with my friend who is a foster parent.

[CaddoRose]

I would call if the child was in respite that long. Usually we do respite for a long weekend for others or once for ourselves it was a four days. But 15 days is a longtime.

Considering what you posted about the FP before, I think they probably really need the time away and aren't as involved with her as you are with your kids. There are all kinds of foster parents and some are more detached than others.

You should at least have an idea about the time she should come to get her and if you don't maybe call her on Friday to arrange that. If she doesn't show, then call you CW. I can read in this that your thinking that maybe she is trying to get you to take the 3 yr old? The big issue here is that she is not being truthful about how long you will be watching the child, so you're wondering what the heck is going on with her. It's a pain she couldn't just be up front about the amount of time she needs off, so you are not put in that situation.

[jbee]

the lady who took our boys for a week told us not to call, she would if there were a problem. she wanted us to enjoy our respite.
if our fs were smaller though i would have checked up on them.

[sergekel]

I am wondering how you feel about keeping the 3 year-old.

Your post doesn't sound too keen on it..but maybe it is just your annoyance at the FP coming through?

So yeah, you never know. Either the fp's are secretly hoping you'll keep her or they are just the kind that truly want or need a full respite..meaning not thinking about the child/ren at all during the respite time.

I think all of us feel as if others should react or act in a similar way to situations than we would. So, maybe your parenting is just different than the fp's parenting. Seems like YOU would be checking in on your fc if you left for respite and you are feeling that the fp are not good parents for not doing the same.

I do think that your suspicion that the fp might want you to take the 3 year old has something to do with your reaction to them not calling to check in.

So, how has the 3-year old been with your family during this respite time? Have you enjoyed her? Is she bonded to Spierman and Pinkdancer? Do you WANT her to stay?

Sorry for the nosiness....just my thoughts rambling late at night.

Bless you for taking her in and giving the fp a break, no matter what their motives.

[potentialsinglemom]

Originally Posted by blubutterflies03

She said " Tell her I love her and I hope to see her again soon". WHAT the heck?????? She also packed her life book so that she could look at the pics with her sister and brother.

Wait a minute...I would be a little suspicious as well, considering that statement. Do you think that fm was in a hurry and just said the first thing that came to her mind?

[yorkiegirl]

When we leave our foster sons of 5 months for a day or weekend we call them everyday.Not that we dont trust our providers-they are the BEST- but I dont want the boys to feel deserted, just a mom thing for me.Plus I love to hear their little voices, and hear how their day has gone.
We did respite care and the FP never called once and 3 hours late to get them - it was fine, just odd to me.

[blubutterflies03]

Originally Posted by sergekel

I am wondering how you feel about keeping the 3 year-old.


So, how has the 3-year old been with your family during this respite time? Have you enjoyed her? Is she bonded to Spierman and Pinkdancer? Do you WANT her to stay?

Sorry for the nosiness....just my thoughts rambling late at night.

Bless you for taking her in and giving the fp a break, no matter what their motives.

The sister has been really good. She is potty trained, except for at nite wears a pull-up. She has been a pleasure and I know the sister in particular is very happy she is with us right now.

It's not that I wouldn't take her in...but we were hoping to keep the "door open" for our 7 month old Baby B's brother who is in the rehab center with their birthmom. She is getting out of rehab soon, and I am not sure the judge is going to let her take her almost 2 yr old son with her. So, we were trying to keep a spot open for him.

But truelly, my other sibling group has a deep bond with their little sister. And the Baby B and his brother have never lived together.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by blubutterflies03

It's not that I wouldn't take her in...but we were hoping to keep the "door open" for our 7 month old Baby B's brother who is in the rehab center with their birthmom. She is getting out of rehab soon, and I am not sure the judge is going to let her take her almost 2 yr old son with her. So, we were trying to keep a spot open for him.

But truelly, my other sibling group has a deep bond with their little sister. And the Baby B and his brother have never lived together.

I know here in my area they will up your license if you take in siblings. We are licensed for 3 but they called us before and wanted us to take 4 and said they would amend it for the extra one. Maybe, that is a possibility if you wanted all of them. If you don't then never mind.

[Boulderbabe]

Whoa. I can't even imagine being gone two weeks and not calling! My foster kids are same as my KIDS--I love them and I want to know how they're doing!

Just one time, I got really busy at a meeting and didn't call my fdaughter while she was in respite. That was the night she ended up in the hospital, having a terrifying and downright abusive treatment while her bmom watched. I will never, ever forgive myself for not having called. If I had, I could have given them information that would have kept them from giving her that treatment.

Long story short: I call every. single. day. when I'm gone. I call from San Francisco, I call from Tbilisi, I call from anywhere on planet Earth.

[blubutterflies03]

said, "is this the day I am suppose to pick her up". I said "yes". She is on her way!! I can't believe it. I just guess she is different than me. Thanks for listening to me while i did the long respite!

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by blubutterflies03

said, "is this the day I am suppose to pick her up". I said "yes". She is on her way!! I can't believe it. I just guess she is different than me. Thanks for listening to me while i did the long respite!

The whole thing was so strange--glad it's done.