[kydz_7]

Well I am at a loss...we have had our medically fragile/special needs FD since birth (she is now 16 months old). In July of this year, the state asked us to adopt her 21 month old half sister (yes, they are 7 months apart, my FD was born at 24 weeks.) because we will be starting the adoption process in November.
We did decide to take our FD's sister in August and welcomed her with open arms. So total we are adopting 3 girls (2-2 yr. olds & 16 month old.) our other FD is not a sib but will be adopted at the same time.
Well guess what??...Our caseworker called this morning to tell me our FD's birthmom was found (was on the run, for breaking probation), was back in jail and IS VERY PREGNANT AGAIN (and still testing pos. for cocaine.)
Now, I understand there are people on this board that would welcome this news and take this "new" baby that is due in Dec...Trust me, I would if I could BUT after serious talking with my husband...we can't. We have 6 of our own teenagers, aside from our 3 little ones. My spec. needs baby does not sit,roll or crawl at almost 16 mths old...she recieves a variety of therepies 7 times a week, is G- tube feed, has chronic lung disease, just got off oxygen...and we don't know what the future holds for her (I am not even sure if she will be able to walk, recently diagnosed with a form of CP) I would love to take the next one but as my hubby says, we can not keep taking her babies, which I agree because we all know there will be many more (she is 22 this will be her 5th - G'ma has older 2.). My heart kind of aches for this this "new" one...to say no will be painful for me but we have to draw the line somewhere...where woud you draw the line? My hubby does support me in continuing to do emergency care for babies though that is far different than committing to the next 18-21 years. I know it will be a bittersweet day when I get the call when she delivers. But when is...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

[OakShannon]

This is a sad situation and I'm sorry you are being faced with this choice. I would draw the line at the point where I felt that additional children would take away from what I was physically, emotionally and financially able to provide for the children already in my care. It sounds like you have reached that point. It also sounds like you have a big heart and you are doing an amazing job. But three very young children, including one with significant special needs, is a huge job and your teenagers need you too. So I can completely understand why you are saying that you can't take the baby that's coming. And, you're right. It looks like there will be many more to come. Perhaps your girls can keep in contact with their siblings through their future foster or adoptive families.

[bethy724]

You need to do what is best for your family & if it means not taking in a newborn (coke exposed) than you have to say no.
Just know that the person that gets the call for this newborn will be so excited & welcoming to this baby - she/he may be the joy/light of their family. This baby will have a loving home if you say no (you have to have faith & pray on that)
I was in a dilemma (sp?) on an available 1 year old (I do respite care on weekends) he is PERFECT-I have a 4 year old & they got along great. I chose not to apply for him- I'm a single parent & need to do what is best for my family & guess what-he is the star of his new 2 parent only child family - I am so happy for him - he would have been loved & taken care of in my family but I am happy he made those 2 people so happy & complete by joining their family.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by kydz_7

I know it will be a bittersweet day when I get the call when she delivers. But when is...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

It's nice to consider being a resource. But if the new baby will negatively impact the care you can give to her special-needs sister, then you're doing the right thing by saying no. Another family will be very glad to accept the new baby. And maybe the cw can help the two of you keep in touch.

[athikers]

As the former foster mama to a 24 weeker with all the same issues as your daughter (except we can't seem to get him off his 02) I would say that I applaud you for recognizing the need to set a "limit". Your little girl needs you, much more so than a typical child would. You need to do what is best for your entire family, and especially your medically fragile little one.

[chevyjewel]

Enough is enough when you feel like it is. You guys obviously have a lot to deal with with the children you already have and I find it admirable that you even considered taking on another child on top of what you have going on in your family.

I can just read the thought you all have put into this decision in your post. Could I even describe it as anguish? Instead, try to think of it like this. Your family has been blessed with beautiful children you love and adore, and by you saying you're going to continue to focus on the children you have currently, perhaps sending new baby to another home will be best for everyone, you may be answering the prayers of another couple desperate to complete their family with that child. It's likely exactly where God intended he/she to end up

[irelady10]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

Enough is enough when you feel like it is. You guys obviously have a lot to deal with with the children you already have and I find it admirable that you even considered taking on another child on top of what you have going on in your family.

I can just read the thought you all have put into this decision in your post. Could I even describe it as anguish? Instead, try to think of it like this. Your family has been blessed with beautiful children you love and adore, and by you saying you're going to continue to focus on the children you have currently, perhaps sending new baby to another home will be best for everyone, you may be answering the prayers of another couple desperate to complete their family with that child. It's likely exactly where God intended he/she to end up

you put that so nicely!!

[EandDmom]

I would so have to default to my dh. I would never be able to say no to a new baby. I would completely know I should say no and why I need to say no but I'd never be able to actually say it. Good luck on making a very tough decision.

[ALfostermom]

it sounds like enough too me...focus on the babies you have and your teens. it would be different if the children knew eachother, but like you said she can have many more babies. as long as she gets medicaid and wic when she is pregnant why not--sad system we have. It is these poor children that have to pay the life-long consequences because of poor prenatal care(alcohol use, drug use, and smoking). i feel after so many TPR's there should be a law that women have to be fixed....Sorry i am on my soap box. i know a family that has adopted 3 children in the last 2 yrs from same mom. this birthmom has 4 children under the age of three and Mom is only 20.

[kydz_7]

Thank you for all your replies...just to read what you all have wrote...YOU are the ones who understand what tough situations we are put in as foster parents. I am trying to make the "No" answer to this (soon to be) new baby, settle in my heart but I dont think my mind will rest until I know she delivers and I am asked and then have to give my answer. I only hope my No answer does not affect our adoption of the 2 sisters...I doubt it will because lets face it, this baby will be given a few months case plan to see what bio-mom does BUT history with her has ALWAYS repeated itself. By then we should be close to finalized with our 2 girls(sisters) and I think the state was just happy we took our FD's sister back in August...time will tell...it all makes me a bit sad...I want this baby but can't have. I will try to take comfort in all the future ER placements I continue to get, of babies and give them love they need while they are in my care.

[Scrapsathome]

Enough for us will come when they won't let us legally squeeze another bed in. However, we also don't take kids with the kind of extreme medical needs you are dealing with. I'd definitely say you should request that they give you the contact info (or pass yours along) of whoever ends up with the baby (and any future babies) related to your current kids. That way you can be extended family.

On a side note, do all your step kids live with you? You must have a large house! And with that many teenagers I hope you have mucho bathroom space!

Jess

[kydz_7]

To answer your question: yes,my 3 step children have been raised by thier dad (my hubby) since they were 3...thier mom lives out of state (they visit her a few weeks in summer). My bio children live with us 50/50, as thier dad & I have always had this arrangement for about 10 yrs. now. And of course our 3 little ones are always here, no visits either. So yes, in May we moved into a new 7 bedroom/3 1/2 bath home...of the 6 teens - 2 share a room...then the (2) 2 yr. olds share a room and my spec. needs baby still is in our bedroom, and will likely remain for a long time...she is tube feed at night. When I get ER placements...if newborn then he/she would stay in our room, if older then in the little girls room.