[NewMamaLotsaLove]

My hubby and I are hoping to be licensed by November. I have learned so much invaluable advice from all of you on these boards in the last few months, I thougt I would seek out some more advice.

What rookie mistakes did you make with your first placement that you don't do now that you are more exprienced?

[Sam-N-Tony]

Leave your husband at home with hair cutting clippers....

We did have permission for haircut for my fs (which you should always get before doing anything to any foster kiddos), but my fson got a little gum in his hair and my husband instead of just cutting out the little piece, it shaves his hair down to a #2 - he was 2, with platinum blonde hair, he looked bald and I was furious. Luckily the parents didn't have to big of a canary.

My biggest rookie mistake, was going outside of my age range, just because I got the call, I was soo excited. My 1st call was for a 12 yr old girl, short term, I said no because I didn't want a child that old, my 2nd were for a 7 yr old boy and 1 1/2 yr old boy. I shouldn't of gotten 2 kids the first time around, it was overwhelming at first. And I should've stuck to a child at least 2 years off of my sons age.

Stick to your guns, I know now from experience.

[mamallama]

My rookie mistake was taking what the caseworkers said at face value. We've been told twice that even though the goal is reunification it's very likely we'd be able to adopt. Total BS! So far all of our kiddos are going to family members. If the goal is RU, expect RU.

Also expect that your kids will come with nothing but the clothes on their backs and be prepared with supplies for your age range. Reimbursements, WIC and vouchers are helpful but they aren't immediate. If you plan to take a little one make sure you have a carseat available. I had to make a mad dash to Target with our last placement because we had such little notice.

Hmmm... I'm sure there is more. I'll come back later after I've given it some thought.

[jphollen]

Ditto on the age range. We took a teenager first. As a thirty something couple are biological children aren't quite teens yet. We figured we had both been teens how hard could it be. We met are match, super kid who unfortunately had a rough time. We weren't ready for what some difficult teens have to offer. We later took some more classes on dealing with difficult teens...shoulda done that first!

[bluebird38]

I now know better than to accept a placement for a child moving from another foster home when the cw doesn't want me to talk to the current foster parents.

[Yash]

This isn't a mistake, it's a tip. Introduce yourself to your child's lawyer as soon as they are placed. I did so via email. My oldest daughter's former CW gave me that tip because she says CWs don't tell foster parents that they have the right to email and talk to the children's lawyer, who in actuality are the only people who are truly fighting for the child's best interest.

DCF's job is to reunite the family. Birth parents' lawyers represent their rights.

[stevenstwin]

My big rookie mistake was not clearly enforcing the house rules and a normal routine right from the first minute. I relaxed the "minor" rules and tried to make the first week "fun" in the misguided notion tht it would make the child feel more at ease and positive. First problem is that it is really HARD to enforce rules once you've let them slide, and the second problem is that they then expect every day to be fun.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by NewMamaLotsaLove

My hubby and I are hoping to be licensed by November. I have learned so much invaluable advice from all of you on these boards in the last few months, I thougt I would seek out some more advice.

What rookie mistakes did you make with your first placement that you don't do now that you are more exprienced?

I took in more kids than I could handle! Mind you, I have the same amount right now but I needed to ease into it.

There's no way of avoiding this one, but I learned quickly which caseworkers I could work with and which ones I couldn't. Generally, if I couldn't trust the caseworker, I couldn't work with her. But this just comes with experience and getting to know our caseworkers.

[potentialsinglemom]

I love this thread. I want to hear more.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by mamallama

. If the goal is RU, expect RU. .

And if you are foster-to-adopt and they say 'concurrent planning', expect reunion. In fact, just remember that every child in your home may possibly be moved to a relative at some point.

I went into fostering to adopt and my first placement was a newborn child who's 5 older siblings were either adopted or in adoptive homes awaiting finalization. This baby was fast-tracked for adoption due to severe drug habits in both parents. And when dad's sister came forward, I was assured that she wouldn't get custody. She lived in section 8 housing and was exceeding the number of occupants allowed AND her own children were removed from her for abuse AND she had an open abuse charge against her. What judge would give her a newborn? Well, I was shocked to find out that "Angel's" judge was sending her to the aunt. I was soo upset that I told the cw that if anything ever happened to that baby, I would sell my house to hire the best lawyers in the state and have the judge removed from the bench (and humiliated in the press!) As it turns out, the baby thrived with her aunt and she was eventually adopted.

So, be ready for reunion with a bio-parent or placement with family-even when that seems very unlikely. You NEVER know how a judge will rule. And the judge doesn't always following the suggestion of CPS.

On a positive note, I took the placement of a 7 month old boy for a one night stay. That turned into a couple days. That became several months. It's now been a year and he is officially on the track to adoption. I wasn't expecting this at all. As of the last hearing, the goal was reunion by November and the back up plan was permanent guardianship with family friends who passed the homestudy and were prepared to take custody (if needed). I'm still in shock that the goal is now adoption BY ME!!! But again, anything could happen between now and November. Mom could sign relinquishment, or she could fight TPR, the judge could give her 6 more months to complete her caseplan or move forward with TPR. Mom could get her act together before TPR trial and regain custody or she could have her rights terminated. A relative could step forward. Another family friend could step forward. You just never know.

You never know how things are going to go with ANY case.

[EandDmom]

If your age group qualifies sign them up for WIC asap. I didn't the first month and then when I tried I found out that there were vouchers floating around someplace. Took 2 weeks for them to be found. Last foster family had turned them back into WIC office but they hadn't bothered to mark it on the file. It really helps us as we go through a gallon of milk just about every day and a half.

[ALfostermom]

my first call i was so excited i said yes imediataly...my age was 0-4. this was a 11 yr old girl and was only going to be for 2 weeks till school got out( so she wouldn't have to change schools)and she was going back to her old foster parents. three days before the move the "old foster parents" accepted a newborn and decided they didn't have room for the 11 yr old, which they had had previously for 1.5 yrs. so my 11 year old ended up staying for 1.5 yrs with me.

so my lesson learned-stick to the ages you are comfortable with. and take what the agency says like a grain of salt....they have no clue what the future holds either.

[Boulderbabe]

My biggest mistake I did after I'd been a foster mom for over five years. I believed that my social worker was on my side and would look out for me. BIG MISTAKE. A social worker looks out for the agency first, the kid second, and the bioparents third. We aren't even on their lists.

[chevyjewel]

I was going to mention the same thing Kat-L did. These aren't your kids so don't plan on them staying until you're literally sitting in a courtroom waiting for the judge to finalize. Even then, until the ink is dry anything can happen so don't count your chickens no matter what you're told by anyone or how good things are looking in your favor.

Letting your heart get broken over and over again over kiddos you've convinced yourself are staying but then don't isn't going to benefit anyone. If your personal goal is adoption, do your best to keep your mind on RU and hope and pray God will lead you to that one that's meant to be eventually!

ETA - don't ever be afraid to ask for help if you need it, whether that be services, respite, whatever. I'm not sure if I've been extra blessed or what but any time I've ever needed anything all I've had to do is speak up. I didn't realize there were such resources available until I started speaking up. Advocate for yourself and them, you might be pleasantly surprised at how much help there really is out there!

[jllambert]

The first thing I learned was that the what ever the placement phone call says is most often not the whole truth. My first three babies were all a little older or younger then what I was told and they never show up at the time they tell you. Also never believe them if they say temporary emergency placement, or over night placement! Every time we took a child on these terms they ended up staying a lot longer (that was ok because we loved them all, but just keep it in mind when you get a call like that)!
Ask for your clothing voucher right away!!! One of my kids came from a relative and he had enough summer clothes so I thought I would wait and try and get the voucher closer to winter to use on his winter clothes . They said no you have already had him to long to get a voucher!
I never expected to care so much for the families. I also never imagined how much I would be able to dislike some case workers. It did not take long for me to realize how little these case workers real care about the kids. The have so many they really don't have time to get attached to them all, but it stinks none the less! I try to help my case workers stay connected to my kids by sending a email monthly with a photo and some update info like doctor appointments, developmental progress, and a fun story about the child. When the case worker cares about the child they seem to worker harder for that child (or this as been the case for us any way).
Ok last thing...If you have a wonderful, amazing, super terrific case worker then be prepared to loose that case worker and get the very worst one in the whole office that will screw up everything the prior case worker did!! Ok this may not be true everywhere, but this has been the way it
has gone for us!

Good Luck!!