[jennymac527]

My husband and I opened our homes to a little girl in May. She was 19 months old when she came to us. She had actually been removed from her mom and placed with relatives before we were involved. I'll refer to the baby as "K". We were told that she had been with relatives since January 08 - and had LOST 11 lbs since being removed from her birthmom. She was quite heavy when she came to us. She was very dormant, always wanting to sit and EAT. Since being part of our family, she has achieved a healthy weight - but her behavior has not changed at all towards food. K loves it. It is the only thing that makes true joy spill out of this child. She is literally thrilled when it is time for a meal or snack. At first she'd cry and cry when her food was done - and now tears come, but they stop after a few minutes or so. Every meal, every day, it is all she wants.

She stares at others eating, begs at parks when other kids have a snack and is absolutely obsessed with it.

She was neglected and overindulged at the same time. Her emotional needs were met with food. She has a very unhealthy relationship with it. She will eat anything in front of her, and she won't stop.

I could go on and on about how this has affected every member of our family - but the bottom line is I NEED HELP.

We had a visit from a speech therapist today and she was just peachy about how GREAT K was doing at her eating... duh. Of course, she shoved 2 pieces of sandwich in her mouth and cried when we tried to pull some out... cried when we asked her to get down from the table, cried when her sippy was gone, cried when my other daughter was still eating...

Over the weekend, K got ahold of a box of cheeze its. She brought them behind our sofa and poured them onto the ground and shoved her face into them in a manic frenzy. I had to pull 17 of them out of her mouth. She actually cut her chin on them. I know we've come a long way from the 2 hour tantrums over food... I know she is behaving better... BUT we are just controlling the addiction. She is still in love with food and obsesses minute to minute about it. We've basically locked the liquor cabinet (fridge) and can keep it under control - but she still needs help.

To top it off, the speech therapist (K is also behind on speech) thinks that K is doing GREAT! Love how these things are assessed after an hour.

We need behavior modification - I hope we can get it. Has anyone out there EVER dealt with anything like this? K was emotionally neglected and given a box of crackers,soda, candy and cookies everyday and put in a playpen - alone. I am the one keeping her comfort from her and she has bonding issues because if it.

Everytime I mention it to our SW, no help is offered. They are just happy that K is in a happy home, clean, and healthy. My SW has never dealt with toddlers with eating issues such as this. People think we are nuts! "How could such a cute little baby have all of these problems?" They think we are blowing it out of proportion, but we have an addict in our home and the rest of us have become co-dependent and consumed by it. Even the speech therapist said, "look at how good she eats!" ... Right, K does eat everything, and we've taught her to eat slowly (and she does if we are watching her) - I don't know - they just don't get it!

I could go on and on... does anyone have any suggestions for behavior modification? I've tried transferring this need to other comfort things (tedddy, blanket, real affection from us, etc... ) After the manic episode on Saturday, I was just left feeling so discouraged. Nothing I've done has REALLY made an impact. She has just learned my expectations - but her love and need for food is very strong...

Thanks for reading. I think I need therapy. I am so sad about her. I feel that I've totally failed her - that I can't help her - that she needs so much more then what I can give. It has sent all of us into a serious funk.

[RobinKay]

She needs an evaluation. There is a syndrome where the body does not produce the hormone to tell the brain when a person is full--the signal to stop eating. So, the person feels hungry all the time.

I think it's Prader-Willi syndrome. QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON PRADER-WILLI SYNDROME

If she doesn't have the syndrome, this behavior is excessive--it is interfering with her daily life and her relationships with others.

Keep advocating for her!

(edited to all the link to Prader Willi syndrome)

[OakShannon]

That sounds like a really difficult situation. I wish I could offer sound suggestion - but I know that other parents here do have experience with children who hoard food or have other issues around food. Hopefully you will get some good ideas.

Her behavior DOES seem very extreme in such a small child, even given the history you describe. Have medical reasons for her preoccupation with food been explored? Children with Prader-Willi Syndrome, for example, behave a lot like your fd toward food. Most parents need to put locks on the 'fridge and cabinets. It also causes delayed development, and I'm not sure from your post if that describes your fd.

I hope you find some answers.

[OakShannon]

I see you and I had the same thought, Robin.

[chevyjewel]

I'm curious what you do when she get's upset when food time is done. She's crying, and you're steadfast, which is good I think, but then what. Do you sort of let her ride it out, like let her cry and go about your business?

If you haven't tried it already push redirection REALLY hard. Take her to the toy store and let her pick out one or two things she absolutely LOVES. Preferably something REALLY stimulating like something particularly noisy with lots of do-dads to futz with, or playdoh, or a gigantic doodle pad with crayons. When it's time to be done eating that's when she gets those items. Hopefully they'll distract her when she gets them and transition her more smoothy from foodie mode to play mode.

The little guy I have now (just turned 2) has his collection of trucks that make noises and a rug that has roads on it. I whip that stuff out whenever I'm preparing food as well as when he's finished eating because if it takes me 45 minutes to prepare dinner he'd gladly sit on the floor doing nothing else but staring at me the entire time. Or he'd whimper in the doorway if I tried to simply banish him the kitchen. He didn't know how to just go play so have to literally sit down and engage him to get him started but the distraction works. Now he's starting to act obsessed with wheels but at least that's healthier than being obsessed with food. He would literally and happily eat all day long if I let him and it breaks my heart.

This guy is our second toddler to behave this way saddly. Him and another little girl actually resorted to GOING INTO OUR GARBAGE or grabbing tidbits left on other plates left in the sink to find something to snack on. Getting dishes done asap has become a priority now to avoid that. Aside from cupboard locks we had to put a lock on our slider cupboard that houses our garbage cans. I offer 3 square meals a day and three snacks, huge variety of foods, the kids continue to grow at a stellar rate so I know it's not LACK of food that's causing the problem. It is super sad, I know exactly why you're frustrated. It made me mad too, to think that it'll likely now be at least somewhat of a life long struggle for them. Remind yourself that it's not their fault and that all you can do is the best you can with what you've been given.



Your speech therapist should shut it because she's been trained to know squat about behavior. Sorry but that bit irritated me tremendously. It's a bummer more case workers don't see this as a big problem, I suppose they're more inclined to worry about a child NOT eating. They should be equally concerning because both are going to have life long effects.




Best of luck to you.

[waitinginnj]

Your issue seems more extreme, but one of the ways that food issues are dealt with for kids coming out of institutional environments is a food box. (However, the majority of these children were underfed.) The concept is that the child has access to food 100% of the time. The food box contains healthy foods and they can eat it at any time. Therefore, over time, the child learns that there will always be food and they don't have to hoard or gorge themselves.

My friend used this with her daughter from Russia. For the first week, she couldn't keep it filled. But overtime it lessened and was eventually ignored.

I know that you are frustrated right now. But, I wouldn't feel like you have failed. You have won part of the battle, as you have helped her get to a healthier weight. There if more behavior that needs to be worked on.

Please celebrate your success and keep pushing for the help that you need.

[chevyjewel]

In this situation I'd seek a pediatricans approval for a food box. JMHO though. It sounds like that could actually turn into something dangerous as far as this particular child is concerned. I've had a food drawer for a food hoarder before and it did work great, but this child obviously has an obsession with food, instead of a hoarders fear of lack of food. It seems to consume much of her life and I'd bet she could easily make herself sick or worse if allowed to indulge as much as she seemingly wants to. I'd probably get a case workers ok too before proceeding down that road just in case things do go south.

[EZ2Luv]

The very first thing that came to mind was Prader Willi. IMO she is and was far to young to become addicted from behavior. Even if she was overfed at some point. I think maybe she was in fact over fed because of Prader Willi. I would definately have her pedi check for physical reasons then go from there. I have seen shows about Prader Willi and this sounds so typical. Of course when someone sees a baby so obese they first blame the caretaker, but they have no idea what it is like to live with a baby like this. It truly does affect the entire household.
I work with addicts and this seems not to be a learned thing. Not at these extremes for such a young child. Most children will adapt and can be redirected after a while. This does not seem to be happening here. Not to mention 11lbs is alot of weight on a baby.

EZ

[waitinginnj]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

In this situation I'd seek a pediatricans approval for a food box. JMHO though. It sounds like that could actually turn into something dangerous as far as this particular child is concerned. I've had a food drawer for a food hoarder before and it did work great, but this child obviously has an obsession with food, instead of a hoarders fear of lack of food. It seems to consume much of her life and I'd bet she could easily make herself sick or worse if allowed to indulge as much as she seemingly wants to. I'd probably get a case workers ok too before proceeding down that road just in case things do go south.

I can't say that I disagree.

[jllambert]

We had a 2yr old like this as well. First she was in my friends foster home (we had her brother so when this family had to move out of state she came to us). When she went to her first home she was 18 months old and weighed 50 lbs. It was so sad. She could hardly stand. My friend started her on a much healthier diet and the weight just started to fall off. "G" did much of the same things as your little one does. The fits, the begging for food, sneaking, and eating as fast as she could.
The major issue we had was that the parents would bring junk food to every visit, and they would put soda in her sippy cups. The had not idea how to show this child love without food. We would send lists of healthy things to bring to visits and we would even bring snacks of our own, and yet they would still feed her crap. We begged CW, GAL, and anyone else who would listen to try and teach this family the right way to feed their children.
This family is back together now and for six months they made them have weekly weight checks for both kids, but now they are back out of the system and I am willing to bet the kids are eating tons of junk all the time.
I wish I had good advice, but "G" was still very much addicted to food when she was returned to her parents.
One thing that was sad (but a little funny) was when we would be at the store if she would see powdered doughnuts she would point and say"daddy" in this really loving way!
Good Luck to you! Please let us know if you find any thing that work well!

[ranoutofnames]

We have been going through similar things with A3 since she was 20 months old (she's now 27 months). She stands at cabinets/fridge screaming for the food inside. She throws herself on the floor if she doesn't get food immediately. She will hit other children and steal their food/snacks. She digs in the trash to get the food in there. At meal times she will eat more than I (and I have a big appetite) and will scream for more.

Because she is finally transitioning home (we think) after being with us for nearly 2yrs, the sw wants the parents to be involved in the genetic testing process to see if it is Prader Willi or any other issue.

No advise, it's just good to hear that I'm not alone in struggling with eating issues. My two daughters are on the other extreme where they are super skinny (A2 is 4yrs old and only weighs 24 lbs) and with two extreme's in special needs around food... although we will miss A3 we won't miss the daily struggle and focus about food in our home.

[stevenstwin]

what a tough situation! You've gotten great advice above, so I have nothing to add - but wanted to say I can understand your frustration. If this isn't physical, it is quite tragic that she has been so warped in her relationship with food -and I can certainly see why others have a hard time understanding, since there seems to be a real bias in our society about little ones being "good eaters" meaning - not picky or fussy. It must be hard for them to see the opposite as a problem, especially since you've done such a great job of getting her to a healthy weight. I'm just wondering if she cares WHAT she is eating? I suppose you could start by not restricting the AMOUNT of things like vegetables and fruits...

[chevyjewel]

With Prader Willi Syndrome wouldn't there be other very obvious symptoms? The OP never mentioned any others. Seems like an over kill suggestion to me. Could it be the cause? Sure. But so could internal parasites, blood disorders, and a slew of other medical conditions. Without knowing more I think it's not so great to scare anybody into worrying about something that's likely not even going on. Chances of a child having that are one in like 12,000 or more. The odds are in the OP's favor that that's not what's going on at all.

What is Prader-Willi syndrome?

Prader-Willi syndrome is a complex genetic condition that affects many parts of the body. In infancy, this condition is characterized by weak muscle tone (hypotonia), feeding difficulties, poor growth, and delayed development. Beginning in childhood, affected individuals develop an insatiable appetite and chronic overeating (hyperphagia). As a result, most experience rapid weight gain leading to obesity. People with Prader-Willi syndrome typically have mental retardation or learning disabilities and behavioral problems. Many people with this disorder also have distinctive facial features and short stature. The genitals in both males and females are underdeveloped, and most affected individuals are unable to conceive children (infertile). Additionally, some people with Prader-Willi syndrome have unusually fair skin and light-colored hair.

Prader-Willi Syndrome Causes, Signs, Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatment Information on MedicineNet.com

[thelowlanders]

Excellent advice above.
My first experience of fostering I was given a 4 mo, 20 mo, and 2 1/2 yr old. The two older ones literally Demanded cheetohs, "baba" of milk, bologne, or Noodles. That's it and they would ask, whine, and scream for it All...... day.
I probably will get corrected on this, but being a new foster mom w/ no advice from the workers, I did my best. A sure way to stop addiction from food is ONLY provide super healthy food. I'm talking Lots of all natural dishes that my own family hardly enjoyed Keep it no sodium, no empty carbs, Just food for a purpose, not flavor or filler Ever. Breakfast Lunch and Dinner. Snacks are the same. There's never anything to hold out for, because it's not coming.
With time, 1 day a week we could have family night with special treats and a movie.
This seemed to work really well for us and the kidzers. And hey, the whole family will benefit.

[Lorraine123]

It sounds to me that this child is using food as an attachment object. That needs to be transferred to you. She cannot transfer that attachment if she sees you as the one withholding her security. I would allow her eat whenever she wants, but provide only low-cal healthy foods. During non-meal snack times, only allow her to eat while sitting in your lap. You feed her. She needs to relate you to her one security in life. Once her attachment to you increases, her attachment to food should decrease.