[Heather5458]

I am wondering how others say goodbye. My fd leaves tomorrow to go back home. I know this is the right thing for her and that she will be okay but, I am having the hardest time dealing with it. This is only my 4th foster child and it seems to be getting harder not easier to say goodbye. Is there something you do special to say goodbye not just for the child but for yourself.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Heather5458

I am wondering how others say goodbye. My fd leaves tomorrow to go back home. I know this is the right thing for her and that she will be okay but, I am having the hardest time dealing with it. This is only my 4th foster child and it seems to be getting harder not easier to say goodbye. Is there something you do special to say goodbye not just for the child but for yourself.

The day before my foster sons left, I took them off on a special trip. We took pictures and played and had fun. The day they left, we were both crying. I told them I loved them (they were in their new room of their adoptive families house), hugged them and then quickly left. The longer I stayed the harder it was on all of us.

Hope this helps some.

[Jensboys]

I think most kids need permission from you to be happy - they want to know that you have hopes and dreams for them.

They need memories of their time with you (photos, picture story of their memories) ... and they need permission from you to be happy.

And I agree -- harder to say goodbye.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Jensboys

I think most kids need permission from you to be happy - they want to know that you have hopes and dreams for them.

They need memories of their time with you (photos, picture story of their memories) ... and they need permission from you to be happy.

And I agree -- harder to say goodbye.

You know, I hadn't thought about mentioning that but I agree totally. I repeatedly told our boys that God had a special plan for their lives and it included their NEW family. I reminded them how thrilled I was that they were going to have such an awesome family and life.


Good point JensBoys.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Jensboys

I think most kids need permission from you to be happy - they want to know that you have hopes and dreams for them.

They need memories of their time with you (photos, picture story of their memories) ... and they need permission from you to be happy.

And I agree -- harder to say goodbye.

Thank you so much, Jensboys, for stating this so clearly. The children need you to be positive about the move to help them continue to feel safe, emotionally and physically. It does not mean they can't see you are sad they are going, it means they need to know you see the new family as a good thing for them.

[chevyjewel]

We put together a photo album for each child as their time with us passes. Depending on the age of the child we go through that album the day they're leaving and talk about all the fun stuff we got to do together. We tell them they've always got a place in our hearts and that we'll never forget them. That we'll think and pray about them everyday. That album goes with them when they go so they can look back on their time with us if they'd like to. Also, if it's age and situation appropriate letting them know that continued contact is so so welcome. We still have contact with several of the kids we had via email and phone calls. It's been wonderful for them and us to have that continued relationship, it certainly helps the sleepless nights that usually follow a kiddo leaving - Lordy the worry! Hearing from them directly, about how happy they are and how well they're doing helps us move onto helping the next one, knowing we're doing good and truely helping. Also it's one more positive relationship they can turn to if they need it since a lot of kids in that situation don't have many people to turn to after all the jumping around they've had to do.

ITA with Jensboys that keeping things positive about their move is a big part of making that transition easier (at least for them - it is so hard to say goodbye to each and every one...)

[Jo Ellen]

Is it possible that you will be able to have visits with your fd? If so it is much easier to say I will see you as soon as I can rather than saying goodbye. This is just a suggestion.

[lvmykidz]

We will be saying good-bye to our 13mth old next week. We've had her since she was 3 weeks old. She is going to wonderful relatives.
I made it a point to get to know the relatives. I invited them over for lunch. Thankfully, they were willing to open up to us and told us we are all now family.
We talk on the phone and send emails. I know I am blessed to have it go this way because it doesn't always happen like this.
To help me work through the pain, I listen to songs that are uplifting (and sometimes overly emotional!)---I love Casting Crowns song "Praise you in this storm" and Rich Mullins song "Hold me Jesus".
And another song you can find on youtube..."How do I say goodbye" by Michael W Smith---it's a tear jerker but I wrote out the lyrics in our FD's lifebook for her on the last page.
I say make a point to try and get a line of communication going with the family. I think I would feel a lot differently if I thought I would never see or hear about our Fd again.

Take care!

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by lvmykidz

We will be saying good-bye to our 13mth old next week. We've had her since she was 3 weeks old. She is going to wonderful relatives.
I made it a point to get to know the relatives. I invited them over for lunch. Thankfully, they were willing to open up to us and told us we are all now family.
We talk on the phone and send emails. I know I am blessed to have it go this way because it doesn't always happen like this.
I say make a point to try and get a line of communication going with the family. I think I would feel a lot differently if I thought I would never see or hear about our Fd again.

I wish we had this with our ds foster parents--we were held at arms length during transition, with their attitude that he was staying with them. Then, after placement with us (exactly two years ago today ) they were devastated. An invitation to take them to dinner was curtly refused as their "emotions were too raw"--we were thinking it would be good for ds to see these four adults acting as friends. Phone calls, letters--all very inappropriate--and the end result was no contact at all.

I think of them every day--

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by lvmykidz

To help me work through the pain, I listen to songs that are uplifting (and sometimes overly emotional!)---I love Casting Crowns song "Praise you in this storm" and Rich Mullins song "Hold me Jesus".
And another song you can find on youtube..."How do I say goodbye" by Michael W Smith---it's a tear jerker but I wrote out the lyrics in our FD's lifebook for her on the last page.

I do this too!

The song I love is "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. It's one I sing to all my kids while they're here at bedtime and sometimes, if there is any sort of relationship between myself and the family the child is going to I'll print out the lyrics and send it with them when they go, hoping someday they'll share it with the ones not old enough to remember me singing it to them. It convey's perfectly my feelings for each and every one of them and hearing it brings me to smiling tears everytime.