[KellyBelly]

We have a 6month old FD and 4 other kiddos right now. Well FD's birthmom went to court today for her case review, and while the judge put it on the record that birthmom is uncompliant, they still ordered an extra visit. That makes for three 2 hour visits a week. Now I am a SAHM and 2 of my kids are in half day kindergarten and I am a student myself. The thing about these visits is that they are done during the day, and I can't even schedule evening visits because the home-base counselor only works during the day.

What I thought was pretty ironic is that this counselor cannot fit all three visits into her schedule so she is passing the third visit onto a colleague. But I am supposed to be able to accomodate this in my schedule. I may not work outside the home, but I certainly have many things going on! I have 5 kids, that's alot of work, alot of running to appointments and such. I feel like we are never home as it is. Not only that my 2 kindergartners have to eat their lunch in the car on the way to school already because the way the visits are scheduled.

I am just so frustrated! Do any of you have that many visits in a week? If you do, how do you do it?

[jbee]

no, not visits like that, but dh and i both have to work from home doing daycare so he can run around doing things for the 3 fboys. there is no way i could do all the appts, court, therapy, etc with the two i have at home, plus dd at kindergarten while dh worked outside the home.
you'd think they would take into account the load of kids you have, huh?

[wantaskinbaby]

Just how much they can ask from a foster parent.

I know for my fs, we have twice weekly visits with mom at DSS, then, for the last 3 months, I had to take my fs to "parenting class" (he was 5 weeks old when it started, mind you, so he wasn't really benefitting from parenting class, but it certainly was playing havoc with our schedule) from 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Well, I finally told the sw that I could NOT manage the parenting class. I work part-time and was trying to get home from work (my commute is roughly an hour and a half), pick up our fs from day care, let the dogs out after their 10 hour confinement, feed the dogs, unpack the diaper bag, re-pack the diaper bag and get fs loaded back in the car for another 45 minute drive to parenting class. It was absolutely impossible.

We finally arrived at a compromise where I still had to take our fs to parenting class, but could get him there an hour later and leave a half hour earlier. This was still not great, but much better. Our last parenting class was this week and I am SO GLAD.

My best advice is to continue (it took me 3 times) to express the exact reasons why this visit may be difficult for you. Our county can provide drivers sometimes to transport children to visits when the foster parents can't. Be prepared to compromise, but decide up front what is non-negotiable. When my sw realized that for me it was either a driver, which would have cost the county a LOT, or making other arrangements, because I simply could NOT get there by 5:30 p.m., she quickly took the cost saving route.

I was amazed when we started doing foster care how very little consideration for the foster parents there was. It seems to be an epidemic.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by KellyBelly

I am just so frustrated! Do any of you have that many visits in a week? If you do, how do you do it?

In my county, foster parents get one hour a week if visits are supervised. If unsupervised, they can have the child for one day from mid-morning to late afternoon. Because I work, the county is responsible for picking him up from daycare. If he is ready for pick up at 4:45, then I'll stop by on my way home and pick him up after the visit-otherwise, they have to bring him home. I don't mind transporting if I'm not working that day and I don't have plans.

[luvmykids4]

I can't believe you have visits that long and frequently. Our fd is 3 mths. old, and she has one 1 hr. visit with bio parents weekly. I do get moved around at times on visitation times, but the agency is usually pretty good about respecting what you have to do. I would try to ask for a change of some sort. That seems like such alot of time for a baby that age. Good luck.

By the way, do you have a 'foster parent's rights and responsibilities' page? You probably need to advocate for yourself re: your schedule. I too have 5 kids, and I homeschool. I think flexibility is good, but you also have to stand up for yourself!

[lovingheart]

We got our FS at 5 days old and the judge ordered 4 visits a week for 3 hours at a time. We both work full-time and let teh SW know that while comfortable supervising the visits in this situation we were only willing to supervise one a week as by the time we get home, let the dog out, feed him and ourselves there is no time to do a three hour visit.... we have a Parent Aide who supervises the rest and they should have some kind of program for you too. Personally, I think they have assumed you were okay with doing all supervised visits for your kids since you stay at home but you need to tell them that it no longer works for you and you need someone else to do several of them. They tried to push us at first to but I used to work in the "system" and no how to push back and just what they can offer, even if they don't want to. Educate yourself on what they offer in your state or county. Think, what are they doing for foster parent's who work??

[Sam-N-Tony]

Put your foot down, if you let them walk over you they will stomp you down into the ground. They cannot automatically assume its ok for you. If I recall correctly that's why they have aides/transporters to be able to pick up/drop off and supervise visits. I don't supervise and never have, until recently and that was with my baby's grandma, which I felt super comfortable with.

The same thing happened on Touchy's case. The parents had done NOTHING not one thing, but still got an extra visit. They even had not shown up for the previous 4 visits but still got the extra visit. It took about 6 months and a new judge to get it back down to 1. They were extremely damaging to the 7 yr old's emotional state, we had the therapist and behavioral analyst both go to court and Judge just said he needed to learn how to deal with it. We had him moved and since he is now about 2hrs away and with him being in school, they cut it back down to 1. He now misses a full day of school once a week, how sad, school I guess not important. So I feel your frustration.

Put your feet down and say what you can and cannot do. They also need to accomodate you.

[Godmother]

In WA almost all kids have 3 visits for 2 hrs each week. If the parents are not together, that is 6 visits a week. I don't know how they expect the parents to work and do that many visits. They have to be done during work hours. DSHS can hire outside agencies to do 2 of the visits a week, but not 3. The caseworker is supposed to do the third visit. That kills a half day for each kid on their caseload. A lot of kids are put in day care just to make the visits more manageable. Now they have also ordered 2 sibling visits each month. If the siblings are in several different homes, that makes the logistics unreal.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by KellyBelly

We have a 6month old FD and 4 other kiddos right now. Well FD's birthmom went to court today for her case review, and while the judge put it on the record that birthmom is uncompliant, they still ordered an extra visit. That makes for three 2 hour visits a week. Now I am a SAHM and 2 of my kids are in half day kindergarten and I am a student myself. The thing about these visits is that they are done during the day, and I can't even schedule evening visits because the home-base counselor only works during the day.

What I thought was pretty ironic is that this counselor cannot fit all three visits into her schedule so she is passing the third visit onto a colleague. But I am supposed to be able to accomodate this in my schedule. I may not work outside the home, but I certainly have many things going on! I have 5 kids, that's alot of work, alot of running to appointments and such. I feel like we are never home as it is. Not only that my 2 kindergartners have to eat their lunch in the car on the way to school already because the way the visits are scheduled.

I am just so frustrated! Do any of you have that many visits in a week? If you do, how do you do it?

No! I have never had this many visits during a week, for one child. I'm not sure what I'd do. I know it's not good to move the children around, but it almost seems like they are forcing you to. You have to be a Mom to the other kids to.

I've thought all along, I can deal with the kids. It's the system/caseworkers that I have a hard time dealing with.

[KellyBelly]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I just get so frustrated when we as foster parents don't have a voice in all of this. We have been talking alot to our case worker through our foster care agency. She is livid that we are being expected to transport even halfway to the three visits, when all that is expected of the birthmom is that she be home. Because as has been the case with the other 2 visits I meet the visit supervisor somewhere and she transports the child to the birthmom's location. So in essence birthmom doesn't have to make any effort when it comes to visits. In my head that is just wrong, I'm not the one who is trying to get my kid back, so why am I the one that has to make all the effort here? You'd think after 4 years of being a foster family I would just get used to all of this...but sometimes it just gets to me! Thank you to all who let me vent and thanks for the great suggestions.

[Yash]

[So in essence birthmom doesn't have to make any effort when it comes to visits. In my head that is just wrong, I'm not the one who is trying to get my kid back, so why am I the one that has to make all the effort here?}

The amount of effort birthmoms have to put in are all dependent on the CW. My daughter's CW did what yours is doing, making everything as easy as pie for birthmom.

My SW and my son's CW decided if my son's bdad wanted to visit, then it had to be on their time table. Bdad had to call to confirm by end of business day the day before the visit. If no call by 5PM, no visit the next day. Bdad did make some visits.

My SW also picked my son up from daycare, had the visit, then took him back to daycare. So I was in no way inconvienced.