[Boulderbabe]

Never mind---just read the update!

[Chancey]

ATX - good for you; protecting your son.

[potentialsinglemom]

OMG. I just had a young lady in my office who just aged out of foster care who was telling me that her foster mom's biochild was molested by a foster child a month ago. I glad to hear that the child is being removed from your home today.

I am sorry you are going through this.

[shan76]

Of course, removing the child from your home will keep other children children safe, but it is also in the best interest of the perpetrating child. He cannot heal from his own issues that make him want to sexually act out if there is constant temptation (a younger child). It's great to hear that his is now in a home with no other children, where he will not be hurting anyone else, and consequently himself. Hopefully his next home will not have any younger children, and he can have some time and help to heal from whatever happened to him.

Kudos to your son for being brave enough to come tell you about it right away. If your state has a victim witness protection program, you might be able to get your son some therapy through that program.

I'm so sorry that you have had to live through this nightmare. You are in my heart.

[Kelly Rae]

I have been through this and it is so painful. It is not normal development to insert a finger in an anus. Yes boys and girls at this age are curious, but this passes the line of normal curiosity. Also foster kids have been removed because of adverse parenting, which often includes amongst other things to being exposed through tv or actual sexual abuse to things kids shouldn't know about.

In our case it was a sib set. The boy was 5 and his sister was 3. They were a concurrent placement. We had talked to teachers, sw's, their attorney, and their foster mom to make sure they weren't attacking out sexually before they moved in. Everyone said they were fine. They move in and once the 5 year old felt safe he started to act out sexually on our 4 yr ad. He also inserted his finger in her anus. To make a long story short we tried so hard to keep this placement, but the more vigilant we got the more blatant he got in his behavior. We found out he had been abusing his sister for some time and she started to act out sexually. We asked for them to be moved and the county was taking their sweet time in finding them a home. Our home was turned upside down trying to keep everyone safe. We finally called and said we couldn't keep everyone safe they had to be removed today. What an awful experience putting them into the car to be removed I will never forget, but I have never regretted it either. We have since found out that they were abused in the previous foster home and by their birth father. The county tried to get us to keep the little girl, but our therapist said she would be acting out as bad as he did given a little more time. Is it possible the older sister abused her brother? If these sibs were together what ever happened to him has likely happened to them to some degree. I would not leave your 4 yr old alone with the older girl and would be temped to have her remove especially because she is already acting out on the 1 yr old.

By the way our daughter is fine we did get her therapy for a short time and kept her on a line of sight supervision in case she acted out in the same manner that had been done to her. She is fine today.

[Joei_in_NJ]

my prayers go out to you and your son

[ATXMOM]

Originally Posted by Kelly Rae

What an awful experience putting them into the car to be removed I will never forget, but I have never regretted it either. Is it possible the older sister abused her brother? If these sibs were together what ever happened to him has likely happened to them to some degree. I would not leave your 4 yr old alone with the older girl and would be temped to have her remove especially because she is already acting out on the 1 yr old.

We had to put him in our car and drive him ourselves to the new foster home. He knew them because they have done respite for us in the past. He thought he was just going to spend a couple days. I didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn't coming back. I just couldn't do it. I know I should of, but I couldn't. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. His sister figured out quickly that he wasn't coming back. She just sobbed No Mamma, why Momma. I told her not to cry in front of the 5 year old because it will scare him and he will not want to go to the new foster home. She acted up terribly the whole way, but she didn't let him see her cry. She jumped in the car of the new foster family and wouldn't get out. It was horrible!!! My son doesn't realize that the 5 year old is gone for good either. Even though that happened they played together all the time and he already asks when the 5 year old is coming back. Monday starts the investigation. I feel sick to my stomach. I didn't think about the 10 year old doing things to the 5 year old. I told her why he had to be moved and she looked at me and said, Is that wrong? Maybe you are right. Maybe I should have her removed also. They asked me if that was what I wanted and at first I said yes, but then my agency talked me out of it. I feel so guilty, like I have done something wrong by having him removed, even though I know I did the right thing, I can't shake that guilty feeling.

[JessicaBaker]

And if you haven't done so yet, tell your son how proud you are of him for coming to tell you about something important like that. Don't overdramatize of course, but praise nonetheless.

[meshsgrl]

dont feel guilty. You had to protect your son!
I have learned that if I feel I cant parent a child, then I am doing them a favor by allowing someone who can handle their behaviors parent them.

[Mom2blessings]

If I thought this was truly molestation and not just playing, (and I wasn't able to keep him...some people can, some can't), I'd take him up to DFCS and tell them what happened and that he has to leave TODAY. I'd have all his clothes ready and there.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Kelly Rae

I have been through this and it is so painful. It is not normal development to insert a finger in an anus. Yes boys and girls at this age are curious, but this passes the line of normal curiosity. Also foster kids have been removed because of adverse parenting, which often includes amongst other things to being exposed through tv or actual sexual abuse to things kids shouldn't know about.

In our case it was a sib set. The boy was 5 and his sister was 3. They were a concurrent placement. We had talked to teachers, sw's, their attorney, and their foster mom to make sure they weren't attacking out sexually before they moved in. Everyone said they were fine. They move in and once the 5 year old felt safe he started to act out sexually on our 4 yr ad. He also inserted his finger in her anus. To make a long story short we tried so hard to keep this placement, but the more vigilant we got the more blatant he got in his behavior. We found out he had been abusing his sister for some time and she started to act out sexually. We asked for them to be moved and the county was taking their sweet time in finding them a home. Our home was turned upside down trying to keep everyone safe. We finally called and said we couldn't keep everyone safe they had to be removed today. What an awful experience putting them into the car to be removed I will never forget, but I have never regretted it either. We have since found out that they were abused in the previous foster home and by their birth father. The county tried to get us to keep the little girl, but our therapist said she would be acting out as bad as he did given a little more time. Is it possible the older sister abused her brother? If these sibs were together what ever happened to him has likely happened to them to some degree. I would not leave your 4 yr old alone with the older girl and would be temped to have her remove especially because she is already acting out on the 1 yr old.

By the way our daughter is fine we did get her therapy for a short time and kept her on a line of sight supervision in case she acted out in the same manner that had been done to her. She is fine today.

This is a good point...I vaguely thought maybe this could be "normal" (considering my boys would have "pee" wars, lol to see who could pee the fartherest). This is quite different from just peeing in another persons presence.

[Emmesmom]

I had my fd from 3 days old to 5 1/2 months. I lost her a month ago to birth parents. They want an open relationship so I was able to see her the first weekend for an overnight visit. I became concerned when I changed her diaper that her female area was much redder then I had ever seen it and I actually saw the opening which I had never seen before. I actually had never taken much notice to that area except to make sure I cleaned all the creases after a messy poop. I panicked and called my cw who said she was no longer involved bc the baby was no longer in fostercare. so i called the C&Y agency and just said I noticed a difference and was concerned. I didn't want to accuse bc I really didn't know what I saw. I don't think anything was done by the agency now the family is going to let me have her again this weekend. I'm afraid of what I will see and I can't take her to a doctor because I have no permission. It did not look like diaper rash. any ideas?

[Kelly Rae]

It took well over a year to get over not being able to parent this sib set. I felt guilty and angry that these children had so much happen in their short lives. I am a very optimistic person by nature, but I felt very sad and lost for a long time. I knew I had done the right thing in my knower, ahhh but the heart is a another matter. The thing that kept me sane was I knew if I kept them I would be doing the very thing that got me involved with foster care and adoption and that was to make a difference in a child's life. That from the moment they entered my home I would keep them safe. I couldn't keep my kids safe and the more they acted out the more harm they did to themselves. I would think long and hard about keeping the older girl her comment can only mean one thing in my mind and it just isn't worth harming her more if she acts out or any of the other children in your care. My heart so goes out to you. You can get through this, get the investigation done (we had one too) it should go smoothly as you did everything right. If you are to have the older girl moved you should do it quickly as she know doubt feels the possibility looming before her and it will be easier on her to move quickly. I would make sure to mention her comment either way to the sw she needs counseling now! PM me if I can be any or you just need someone to talk to. Blessings.

[ATXMOM]

Thanks, you have been really helpful. I have a gut feeling that they are going to try to move both of the girls to try to keep them all together. The 10 year old has already been moved twice. She did not start off at my house. I only had the 1 and 5 year old because I didn't feel qualified to have a 10 year old girl so she went to another house. Then the CPS worker told me that if I didn't take the 10 year old that they would remove the 1 and 5 year old from my home and put them somewhere where they could all be together. She told me that the 5 and 10 year olds had family that wanted them and that they would possibly be leaving soon, which would just leave the 1 year old and it look good toward termination of parental rights on her so we could adopt. Of course that is 8 months away, so who knows what may happen. So, it doesn't make sense to me to move the baby so they can all be together, because it could take a month to find a place that would take all three of them and the two older ones may be gone by then. But I've learned to not be surprised by anything CPS does.

[Kelly Rae]

I would talk with your children's sw a about how the 10 yo is hurting the 1 yo. This is a big concern. Is the 1 yo afraid of her sister? How bonded are the sisters? There is also the issue with the comment that the 10 yo made in reference to not knowing what her brother did was wrong. These are Big concerns, and it would seem that the sw should get to the bottom of these issues, because it may not be in the kids best interest to be together if they are trauma triggers, or acting out on each other in unhealthy ways.

I hope the investigation went well and that the county will do what is right by all these precious children.