[lovingheart]

Does anyone else hear constantly from other people how they could never do this because they would get too attatched to the children. Like we don't get attatched and worry about their futures and cry when they go. (Maybe I just need a nap)

[chevyjewel]

I always get, "you're so amazing, and strong, I could never do that."

And I think to myself I TOTALLY fall apart sometimes, some days are horrific and it's heartwrenching when my kids go. Most days I don't feel amazing or strong, I get angry and frustrated, the difference is I know there's a need and I step up to that. I wish more people would take the initiative and help these kids because although it's not a job for everyone, I think a lot of people just don't care or are too wrapped up in their own lives to extend themselves to others. Can't do foster care? Then do something else that'll help your community, or city, or state, or country. The fact that so many people don't do anything to help anyone but themselves makes me lose my faith in humanity way more than dealing with the hurt kids and bio parents that come my way. I just get so sick of hearing how extraordinary I am when I'm no different than anyone else that cared to apply themselves in the same manner.

(I need a nap too obviously )

[kxl164]

Ahh yes, that I'm too good, I'm too loving, I'm have too big of a heart to do foster care....

This always irritates me, and mostly people are saying it in a way that they think is complimentary irritates me further.

If I am in a bad mood I might say "I'm glad that these children are with me then and not you." Or, "Good thing that I'm so cold hearted to open my home and heart to children in need."

If I think that the person is trying to give me a back-handed compliment, you know saying what a good person I am, but also patting themselves on the back for not doing the same thing.... I would say "It is hard to love a child and then say goodbye, but my heart is able to handle it." Or, "The children's needs are more important than my own, it breaks my heart to think of a child with no one to love them therefore I do what I can."

Other times I tell people it is offensive to me to hear that because it implies that either I am coldhearted or saintly, and I am neither. I am loving person who is willing to love another's child when I am asked.

Vent away!

[snc2007]

I do it for the $13 a day!

I thought that was funny at first. But after reading on here I have realized that some people actually think that fps do it for the money!

[bluebird38]

After our sibling placement went home to their Mom, my MIL asked me, "Do you miss them?" Uhh, yah. We had them for over a year. We love them.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by snc2007

I do it for the $13 a day!

I thought that was funny at first. But after reading on here I have realized that some people actually think that fps do it for the money!

You'd think ANYONE would be able to see the irony in the $13 a day part! After my 2 years with my 14 year old screamer, I think the funniest thing I ever heard on this forum was someone's whose answer to the money question was "I'd make more money working in a library, and it would be a heck of a lot quieter!"

[jbee]

maybe this sounds horrible, but we aren't really attached to our current kids...they are teenagers, and i see us more as independent living parents. we are getting them ready for the real world as best we can. they are 18, 18 and 15. we don't have that cuddly, mom-son relationship, which is fine with all of us. so to the people who tell me it would be horrible to give them up, i suggest older kids that just need some guidance. the ones we have don't have major issues, and are relatively easy to care for and help. our younger kids aren't even that attached to them. they know they're just staying here awhile. sure, we may miss them a little, but we're looking forward to helping the next kid when they leave.
that is why we are sticking to older ones. for awhile we were unsure if we were going to get to keep our son and i think it would have really hurt our bios. so we plan to just help older kids for now.

[EandDmom]

Yes, I get this all the time and it is really starting to bug me.
I so much want to be rude and say well what do you think I am a cold hearted b#tch who throws a party when they leave?
I've started saying yes, I will miss them terribly when they leave but its better for me to be upset for awhile then to have these kids living in a shelter.
And I agree if I hear your a saint one more time I will scream. If anything I'm selfish for all the joy I'm getting out of having these kids here and not wanting it to end.

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

I always get, "you're so amazing, and strong, I could never do that."

And I think to myself I TOTALLY fall apart sometimes, some days are horrific and it's heartwrenching when my kids go. Most days I don't feel amazing or strong, I get angry and frustrated, the difference is I know there's a need and I step up to that. I wish more people would take the initiative and help these kids because although it's not a job for everyone, I think a lot of people just don't care or are too wrapped up in their own lives to extend themselves to others. Can't do foster care? Then do something else that'll help your community, or city, or state, or country. The fact that so many people don't do anything to help anyone but themselves makes me lose my faith in humanity way more than dealing with the hurt kids and bio parents that come my way. I just get so sick of hearing how extraordinary I am when I'm no different than anyone else that cared to apply themselves in the same manner.

(I need a nap too obviously )

I agree completely.. I think maybe I'll start saying then how about you be an advocate instead of a foster parent. That is what my kids advocate is doing. She wants to be a foster mom but it isn't a good time for her so she chose this as her way to help. And she is great at it!!

[twinflana]

I get so tired of hearing "you are an angel for adopting those boys" or "the boys are soooooo lucky to have you" It actually makes me feel guilty for the ones that I had to have moved for behavior issues or the ones that we decided not to adopt (which was only one)

I have decided when the boys can talk better I am going to teach them to say "No my parents are the lucky ones for having us" Because isnt that what the real truth is.

[CaddoRose]

I just don't know how to respond when people say they could never do it because they would get too attached to the children and wouldn't want to let them go. Sometimes, I try to explain that we get attached too, but our purpose is to provide a loving home for them and help a family heal so they can be whole again. When we do that, people just look at us like we've grown 5 horns or something. I don't know what to say anymore.

[greenrobin]

Sometimes when faced with the "I'd get too attached" defense, I say, "You're supposed to!"

I think the reason people say it is because they cannot understand why we willingly open ourselves up to the great possibility of real pain, knowing that we will love and lose so many of these kids.

I don't even understand it.

But I do know that I have tons of joy knowing and loving the kids. And knowing that my heart was a safe place for them to land. It outweighs the pain most of the time.

And that's enough.

[Tazer]

I bet it is irritating to hear over and over again and I am a person who has been guilty of saying it to FP's here in the forum and to the FP's I know personally. I even started a thread recently about my brother and his wife having her abused grandson placed in their home and wondering if they were doing it for the money!! Thank you guys for not putting me on blast, and for not >> << me.

In my own defense I will admit I honestly admire the job you do. Not everyone has a heart the size of Texas, the patience of Job, unlimited vision necessary to see past any mental and physical disability, and the kind of unselfish love required to wave goodbye with a smile while ignoring their own breaking heart. I understand where you are coming from with feeling irritated, I'd be upset if someone gushed over me for feeding my 2 month old, but you guys are totally stepping outside the box. You folks may not feel special but in my eyes you really really are and sometimes I can't contain my thoughts.

Sorry...get used to it; you will probably get this a lot! My Granny used to say that God always sends us Angels...some we won't recognize, and some we will. Tracy (and others I'm sure.)

[Withay]

I always say that 'yes, it does hurt to have them leave, but I am an adult and I can handle it. The important thing is that the child(ren) are in a safe home".

[lovingheart]

When I started this thread I honestly thought no one would reply and would just see me as whining. Thanks so much for letting me know that it is not just me as I had thought. By the way I usually say "Our hearts will break but we know that for the time a child is with us they are safe and loved and hopefully they will be able to take a piece of that with them to help them through life's trials." and with the baby it is usually "I could not see him and other innocents going into a group home where they are held and comforted when there are staff available." (Not that all group homes are bad (I've worked in a locked adolescent unit that was very goood to the kids) but if we can keep even one kid out of a group home, instead of with a family, we will try our hardest). Thanks again.