[stevenstwin]

half way through second class (nearly noon). I got a phone call from his English teacher - she was on Maternity leave second semester last year, so she did not know he'd moved into his own place in January on so-called "Supported" Independent Living. She knows his Social Worker, and agrees with me that there is absolutely no point calling him because he doesn't see any problem at all with the way the child is living - and frankly has told us that he considers him an adult able to make his own decisions, even though he is barely 17. Today was the first day of school. He had promised me he was going to try to get back on track and do better this year, but I don't have any faith left that he can do so, since he's still hanging out with a crowd of friends who drink, don't go to school, etc. And the reason I'm even bothering to write about it is because the phone call has made me feel really down and depressed again. I feel so much like I've failed since he's no longer with me, and I can't help but wonder if people in "real" life are judging me. It's funny, but now that my physical guardianship of him has ceased, people seem to act like it just erases everything in the past 3 years and I shouldn't even be interested in his whereabouts or well-being anymore. And I really do miss him...the way he USED to be, anyway. I miss the hugs and "I love yous" and texts just to see what I'm doing. He still says those things on the occasions I see him, but it feels pretty flat and phony since he won't truly let me into his life anymore - and I've gone from being "mom" back to my first name. Guess I should just be glad he got over his phase of me being "that woman", eh? I confess that I'm struggling to even find anything to LIKE about him anymore. I have moments of profoundly wishing I'd never bothered to take him in the first place. It's just so very hard having to see him on a nearly daily basis because of school and it being such a small town, and CONSTANTLY having people asking me about him, and having to give some version of our story over, and over, and over again.

[meshsgrl]

hugs and prayers....

[deadcalm]

As the saying goes "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it". I understand that you must feel bad. But, it should only be because you care about him, not because you think you are a failure. The fact that you took him in a tried to help proves that YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. He is no longer a baby that you can lead by the hand and no one can judge you.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Stevenstwin - if anyone should not be judged its you. You did everything you possibly could sometimes, the baby bird needs to learn to fly on his own.

He is only 17 with all this "freedom" for the first time in his life he has some sort of control and not just endless foster care etc. So rebelling is natural. He knows you love him unconditionally and he loves you unconditionally (though he may rarely show it). Know that you've done everything you could. One day he will come around and thank you. It'll just take time.