[EandDmom]

Social worker called me a half hour before visit with bmom and said don't leave the house till I call you mom is acting weird. I'm sending her for an immediate test. She called back 15 min. before visit was supposed to start and said yep, mom tested positive for cocaine. Visit is cancelled and so is the one on thur.
The really bad thing is E turns 4 on thur (would have been her other visit day) and mom had already promised to bring her a birthday cake and a present. Found out bmom also lost her job sometime last week. Don't know the details of why or how.
I'm really hoping E doesn't remember what mom said about doing on her birthday for her. We are having a party for her on sunday with all the family. Her advocate stopped by tonight and said she was bringing her a gift on her birthday as well. I know this isn't the same as spending the day with mom but I am hoping it will help.
I am so thankful to have such a great social worker and advocate for these kids. I really feel like they care so much about them.

[arubagirl]

my Fd turns 4 on Thursday also... she also has a visit that day !!

[henderfive]

You are so lucky to have a good SW. I felt like mine being so young and inexperienced was actually afraid if bparents. When it was time to do surprise visits she would actually call and let them know she was on the way. I think at 4 she probably is going to remember the cake her mom is suppose to bring. I would have something prepared to say if it comes up.
Henderfive
p.s. I have to ask again how to start a new thread? The grey up at the top of the page does not state anything about starting a new thread. DId find the acronyms, new post,chat but not start new thread. Thanks again for your help
Henderfive

[EandDmom]

My caseworker is also very young but she seems to know her job really well. I hope she doesn't disappoint me sometime in the future.
Sorry I wasn't very clear about the start new thread button. It is on the first page where all the thread titles are listed.
I did tell fd yesterday that she wasn't going to be able to see mommy after all. She knew we were going to the visit. I expected a huge melt down but she didn't have one. I told her mommy did something that wasn't safe for them and that the judge wants them to be safe (we talk about the judge alot here I even showed her the court house where the judge is) so he said they can't see mommy today or until it is safe again. She said safe with you? I said yes and she just said ok and was fine.
I tell you it just melted my heart when she said "safe with you".
So anyway, what I was getting too was I'll just remind her about that conversation we had if she brings it up. We are taking her baby brother to riley for his dr. appointment tomorrow and my dh has taken off work to help me so I'm thinking we will be busy enough it should help. I will give her a small bday present tomorrow also that should help and I'll save the others for her party day. I still have to buy the one she really wants which is a dora blanket. She told mommy she wanted it and since I doubt mommy will get it for her we will and give it to her at her party. OK I'll shut up now

[EandDmom]

Originally Posted by arubagirl

my Fd turns 4 on Thursday also... she also has a visit that day !!

It is a small world !! I hope yours doesn't get cancelled too.

[kxl164]

I hope that she has a very special birthday!

[EandDmom]

Just an update. First off the birthday party was fabulous. Even my dh 92 year old grandmother and her sweet nurse came.
We had court today. Mom is not doing well. She is floating around living here and there and either skipping her drug tests or failing them. She is also starting to dodge the casa worker and the caseworker. They are having a very hard time getting ahold of her and finding her most of the time. She has still not had her visits start up again. Found out today she is missing her therapy sessions or if she does go she is not participating. The judge told her she will not see her children until she passes her tests. And that she can't do the drug tests for her and she can't make her follow her caseplan but she did point blank say to her that she will file TPR on her if she doesn't do as DCS tells her. She was crying nonstop before, during and after court. I feel so bad for her I know she loves her children. They did finally seperate her case and her sisters case. I heard them say also that they want to start having seperate visits instead of all doing it at the same time so they can see her parent instead of her sister doing most of the parenting. Dh and I are changing our license from foster only to foster/adopt just incase these kids do become available. We were told that since our homestudy is so new that our license will just be amended and all we have to do is take 2 more classes. So very sad for the mom but also very happy for us that we get them through halloween and thanksgiving. The kids are super excited about trick or treating as they say they have never gotten to do it before.

[naca]

I'm just impressed that the visit was canceled due to her testing positive.. Around here, BPs can test + and still get their visits no problem. In fact, when our Casa tried to make it part of the plan- that Bmom test clean before starting visits up, DCS said that they couldn't do that, it wasn't fair to mom..

[liveurlife]

Thank God the Judge is looking out for the best interest of the child! In our area parents do not need to test clean.
Our little guy is at TPR and Mom has not had a visit since he has been on our home 2/08 and 10 out of 12 drug screens that she has showed up for have come back positive. Now that we are at TPR she wants to start her case plan and have visits. Poor FS is so confused. He just turned two and has been in care 17 months. We are his 5th placement.
We had two visits and this week she was a no-show.
I feel like there needs to some type of requiment earn the right to visit your child when over 6 months has gone by. Like maybe two clean drug test in a row. It is very hard to understand.

[EandDmom]

I am also very grateful that the judge has the order that she doesn't get visits until she has 2 clean tests in a row. The casa worker came and visited the kids today and told me they are trying to get her to go to a faith based rehab. She has to work while there and has to pay so much a week. Its not a lot she thought it was around $50. When they mentioned it to her after court she said what are you trying to lock me up someplace now. I think they have her convinced to try it but I'm guessing by her attitude lately that it is not going to help much. She said they were filing the paperwork out for it before they left and they are trying to get them in next week. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? Dh and I are still hoping she can get it together.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by EandDmom

I am also very grateful that the judge has the order that she doesn't get visits until she has 2 clean tests in a row. The casa worker came and visited the kids today and told me they are trying to get her to go to a faith based rehab. She has to work while there and has to pay so much a week. Its not a lot she thought it was around $50. When they mentioned it to her after court she said what are you trying to lock me up someplace now. I think they have her convinced to try it but I'm guessing by her attitude lately that it is not going to help much. She said they were filing the paperwork out for it before they left and they are trying to get them in next week. Does anyone have any experience with anything like this? Dh and I are still hoping she can get it together.

My BIL got out jail (drug charges) and is a home-type program. He has to pay $50 a week, go to AA and NA meetings and keep a job. So far, he has been clean and sober and is very positive about turning his life around.

However, he is 46 and has been substance abusing since he was in his late teens--who knows if it will work long-term.

[EandDmom]

Good for him.. hopefully he can keep it up.

[CaddoRose]

Originally Posted by naca

I'm just impressed that the visit was canceled due to her testing positive.. Around here, BPs can test + and still get their visits no problem. In fact, when our Casa tried to make it part of the plan- that Bmom test clean before starting visits up, DCS said that they couldn't do that, it wasn't fair to mom..

It isn't fair to Mom? WT...? But apparently it's fair to the kids to let them have a visit with a Mom that on drugs? I just can't even stomach that one.

[EandDmom]

I was just rereading through documents I got when I went to court wed. I don't know how I missed it the first time but one of them has moms date of birth on it. I knew she was young but I had no idea how young. She turns 19 this month. She is only 2 months older than my daughter. I can't imagine being a mom to 3 kids by the age of 17.

[henderfive]

My bmom was in a live-in drug treatment center for 4 months. I had to take fs every sunday for visits. Wasn't to bad everyone else is having family visits at the same time. After that she did sober-living for a few weeks. It's so nice to hear you are still hoping for the best for bmom. She is so young the odds are against her but she can do it if she is ready. Do you think it is easier to stop doing drugs when you are young or older? or it really just depends on the person?
Henderfive