[KelleyF]

Has anyone had a birthday party for thier fc, and invited family members and friends, when the plan is still RU? My fs turns one next month and I'm not sure how to celebrate. Things aren't going so well with the bio's but the plan is still RU. The first birthday seems so special but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to have a birthday party where I invite others and they are expected to bring gifts. Any one experience this?

[chevyjewel]

Whenever we have a question like this that we don't know how to answer we revert to the ol "if he/she WERE ours how would we handle this, what decision would we make?" because it puts a different spin on it and helps tremendously to clarify.

We just had our foster sons 2nd birthday party last night. It was last minute planned as he was initially thought he'd be spending the evening with his mom but that fell through. We treated it as if he were our child, how would we celebrate a 2nd birthday party for one of them.

We didn't invite anyone because it was so last minute but we did do cake, and we video recorded singing happy birthday and him blowing out his number 2 candle. Took tons of other pictures with us and with his sibling and of him opening his present (we got him a little power wheels quad). He was a bit confused (I think because he didn't come from a large family and had maybe never witnessed a birthday party) but he enjoyed himself.

So yeah, celebrate it as if he WERE your son is what I'd say (plus you never know..... and you'd want those memories for yourselves and for him if he does end up staying for whatever reason).

[EandDmom]

We are having a party for our fd sunday. The family is coming over for lunch and cake and ice cream. I told them don't feel like you have to bring a gift and they all looked at me like I was crazy and said its a birthday why wouldn't we? I said well don't go crazy she is going back eventually remember. Found out my MIL went to a once upon a child and got her some clothes. Not sure what my SIL will do probably a small toy. My daughter is knitting her a cat. Fd saw one she made and loved it. I have 4 dora dolls I bought on clearance and she has talked nonstop about a new dora blanket so I'm getting her one of those also.
I would give them the chance to come just say don't feel like you have to bring a gift.

[lvmykidz]

We just had our FD's 1st b-day party 2 weeks ago. We've almost had her a year - so our family and friends have been part of her life as well for awhile now.
But even those that were not around much, we invited.
I would hope those that are in my group of friends would be willing to give to a child whether they are RU'd or not.
I would want any child to have a special birthday party with all the picture and memories to go along with it.

In fact our FD will most likely be leaving us soon to go to relatives that just came into the picture. So, we all knew she would be leaving but wanted to make her day still extra special. All our family and friends were quite supportive.

Enjoy his day!! Make it a Tiggerific one=0

[Mystik]

We're celebrating *B's* 1st birthday tomorrow although the plan for her is adoption. We did however also have a 1st birthday party for *A* too back in March and at that time her plan was still for RU. Basically we have a get together with friends and have cake, take lots of pictures, enjoy a little time together and give out goody bags to the kids. Pretty simple, nothing extravagant, the girls won't remember their 1st birthdays anyways, but to me it's still important to have those pictures of them eating their first piece of cake and what not and it just wouldn't be nearly as much fun partying all alone with just our small family so we invite friends to enjoy the celebration also. If we had family in the same State we'd invite them too, but sadly we don't. I also couldn't care less what the goal is when it comes to a kiddo's birthday. There is no reason that they shouldn't be given a celebration on their special day. If the bios can't do it then that's what we are here for.

[kxl164]

We had birthday parties for our foster children during RU with family and some friends. For our bio children we had a big first birthday, with our youngest foster child who turned one while with us we did not. Not because we didn't feel the same way, but because the child would have been totally overwhelmed and upset by that, so smaller was best in that case.

I agree with the other, do what you would do with a bio, but take the child's personality and adaptability into mind. Don't feel like you have to do a big bash if the child will be uncomfortable or upset by it. I dealt with some guilt over not having a bigger party, but in the end we knew we did the right thing for our son.

[KelleyF]

Originally Posted by Mystik

the girls won't remember their 1st birthdays anyways, but to me it's still important to have those pictures of them eating their first piece of cake and what not and it just wouldn't be nearly as much fun partying all alone with just our small family so we invite friends to enjoy the celebration also. If we had family in the same State we'd invite them too, but sadly we don't. I also couldn't care less what the goal is when it comes to a kiddo's birthday. There is no reason that they shouldn't be given a celebration on their special day. If the bios can't do it then that's what we are here for.

Actually, that's one of the reason's that I'm questioning what to do is because the bio's are planning a big party for him already. They have him overnight on Saturday's.

[ANNWILL]

We had a 1st brithday party for our little one. I didn't want to but my husband said we should so that mom would know that we are "good" people. Yeah good people and look what she did to us and to our little one.

[Happy123]

If I knew that the bio parents were having a party for him then I would just have a small get together with your family. As often is the case in seperated parents, they each host their own party (my friend's daughter loves that aspect).
Just my opinion,
Happy123

[acooper3]

3 weeks ago we had our FS 1st birthday party(what a blast!!!). We did not invite the bios because they seem to start trouble everywhere they go. Then the following week for their visit with the bios OCS oked us to have the visit at Chuck-E-Cheeze(I didn't know what a one year old would do there). Well their visit are only an hour and they got there 45minutes late, so it only lasted about 15-20 minutes. But they are always late for every visit so usually they end up not having one.

[KT08]

We'd had Sonny Boy for 6 months prior to his first birthday and we invited family and close (adult) friends. On the invitation, we wrote: No gifts please. Not because we didn't want Sonny Boy to have stuff but because we already had a house full of baby items! Of course, our friends and family bought him things anyway.

It was a really cute party and we took great photos and had a wonderful time.

Every child should be celebrated, that's my opinion.

[KelleyF]

Originally Posted by KT08

It was a really cute party and we took great photos and had a wonderful time.

Every child should be celebrated, that's my opinion.

I couldn't agree more. I guess I'm just wondering on the size of the party. Just us at home, or something bigger with other family and some close friends. Even though I would walk through fire for my little guy, I wonder how non foster people will feel about it. I guess if they don't approve then they can stay home. If his case ever happened to go to TPR, I would feel terrible to not have had a nice birthday party for him with tons of pictures for his scrapbook.