[infoster]

We adopted our son back in Febuary. His Bio Mom TPR'd in January and we weren't sure why she gave up so easily or quickly. Our son was her fourth child that was either volunatrily or involuntarily TPR'd. Well, I find out today that she was pregnant when she TPR'd with our son. She did not tell DCS right away because she knew that they would take this baby into custody as well until she finished her programs she did not finish with the other 4 kids now. DCS did find out right before the TPR with our son however. She moved to another county and had the baby there with a different Bio Dad than my son's. The Bio Dad of the new baby is in jail now, and his parents are allowing the Bio Mom to stay with them. Bio Mom has given the grandparents guardianship of the new baby, but Bio Mom lives with the Grandparents, and takes care of the baby. How can DCS take 4 of her kids now (the last 2 were from birth) and give her supervised visits only, but allow her to live with this one? Also DCS told my Husband and I that she wasn't pregnant when they made her take a pregnancy test before TPR of our son. Whay would they lie to us? Do we have any rights since we have the new babies half brother? DCS told us taht if she had another baby that we would be notified and we would be placed with the baby. Why didn't this happen? We have kept an open adoption arrangement with emails and pictures of our son to his Bio Mom and she NEVER told us she was expecting. Our son and the new baby are only 13 months apart! This is his little sister. How can you give one baby up to keep another? Don't get me wrong, we are so happy that she signed her rights over, and that we were able to adopt our son, but how can you make a choice like that? I feel betrayed by DCS in a way because they knew she was pregnant again and lied to us. Does guardianship with Grandparents over rule adoptive parents who have the babie's sibiling? Doesn't DCS/courts try and keep sibs together? Why do I feel like they (Bio Mom and DCS) have been sneaky about it all? Thanks for listening.

[momof9wantingmore]

Our beautiful daughters bio-mom has had two more children since we adopted our girl. We received calls both times. The first sibling we were all set to adopt, updated homestudy in our new state, ICPC done and approved, when the judge decided to give bio dad his son(same dad as our girl, who did absolutely nothing on his case plan for her), the second one 14 months later, we also were set to adopt, again homestudy updated, ICPC re-approval, the judge this time decided to allow bio-mom to have baby placed with her in drug rehab,where she had only been for 30 days, this after an 18 years drug addiction and losing custody of two children in 4 years because of her addiction. The system never ceases to surprise me with what they say and do.

[aedems]

I can only imagine how frustrated you are. With a different bio-dad you add a whole set of new family members into the pic, as well as a whole new support system. This changes the whole dynamics. Add in a different county all together, and you might as well forget it.

Have you talked to your SW about how things are going with the new baby? If the placement seems satisfactory, I doubt much will change. It may be that the grandparents have custody of the child and the mother is living there. This happened with one of my placements. Aunt got the baby and was in charge of the baby, but mom lived there as well. The aunt had to prove that she had licensed daycare while she was at work so the baby would never be left alone with mom.

The system is mind boggling. I'm sorry

[msgypsylee]

I had something similar happen with me too. My FS's birthmom and BF gave up rights to him in March. We were going to TPR but they relinquished instead. I was surprised because I really thought they would fight it but no complaints here. Then in May she had another baby. Thats when I realized she relinquished vs involuntary because its better for her with new baby. With this new one she gets a chance again to start over from the beginning. Rehab again, services again etc. With involuntary TPR, the state may step in more quickly to remove parental rights of new babies. This way she gets to try again. She insists of course that she didn't know she was 6 mos preg at the time she relinquished. Yeah right.

[Biblemom]

Some counties don't care if there is a sibling placed in another county. They will place it within their own county. I know that has happened in Hamilton County, Ohio (Cincinnati).

[KT08]

I don't have any words of wisdom. Just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this heartache. The system is very frustrating and inexplicable.

[Robbin]

Our situation: Mom lost son#1 to couple in Maryland. We adopted son#2. At the adoption, she was pregnant with son#3. DCS took son#3 and he was adopted with son#1.

Then she had SON#4!, but a different county and she KEPT him. A few services for the baby (PT, and like an early intervention program), but nothing for mom. BUT, I maintained a relationship with bio-mom, we do occasional visits, and she let us have the baby (son #4) for the weekend!!! She'd let us have him more, but I prefer things how they are. I do have to say that the weekend we had him(he was 15mo), he was clean, no diaper rash or runny nose, no bruises, she packed plenty of diapers, clean clothes, clean bottles, a light jacket (it was summer) and he seemed developmentally on target.

BOTTOM LINE: Unfortunately, you have NO rights with this baby. I'm sure if things don't work out with mom where she is, that you would be in line to foster/adopt, but as a previous poster said, new dad's bio family are also now considered resources as well.

MY ADVICE?? Put aside any personal differences, and get friendly with bio mom. Establish a relationship with her. Do visits with her and your son and the new baby so the kids can get to know each other. If things go bad between her and her mother-in-law (and I believe that they are bound to), she would consider you a resource for the baby.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: Mom improves her life, becomes a responsible parent to new baby and your son has a relationship with his bio-sis.

WORST CASE SCENARIO: Baby comes into care for whatever reason, and you can argue for placement with you because bro and sis have an established relationship.

[bethy724]

In my experience an agency will place with kinship (g-parents) vs foster care even if there is a 1/2 sibling-it's cheaper.

[naca]

I feel for you, really I do. Honestly though, it sounds like DCS is not involved with the new sibling? If the grandparents have guardianship then there's really nothing they can do about it.

As for DCS keeping siblings together- it really varies from CW to CW. Our adopted daughter's half brother was born in January. We notified DCS (same county she had come from)that if he came into care we'd like him.. He did come into care and was placed elsewhere.. We did everything we could- begged, pleaded even asked for sibling visits and got absolutely nowhere. On the other hand that very same county placed our FS's newborn brother with us this summer with absolutely no fight. Go figure!

Good luck!

[Becki_in_IN]

I would just tell the caseworker that you would love to raise the new little one as well if she becomes available.

There are five kids in our children's bio-family that we know about. We have two and are adopting the third. The other brother has severe medical problems and was adopted by a medical needs family. We have no idea where little sis is. She was adopted by another family. We were never told of her existence. We heard back in Feb. that bmom had an abortion. My heart grieves over that little one. If she had carried it, been clean at the hospital, and wanted to take the baby home, she could have.

Pray for that baby!

[jllambert]

Our baby girl "G" is #7 for this mom she has given up her rights or been TPR on all of the first 6. the first 4 or with a great grandmother and #5 & 6 are with a cousin of the bio-dad.
CPS is going for TPR on both mom and dad (dad is in jail), but they told us from the start they expect her to get out of jail (she did at the end of June) and get pregnant again, and sign her rights over on this baby. They also told us unless she has baby #8 with a different Bio-dad that can provide for the baby that we would get called to adopt that child too, because they will remove any and all future children she has!
I don't understand why they get to start all over with 12 months of services when they just keep doing the same thing. Why give her a chance to work services again when she did not finish services on the last 6? One good thing for us is that we have the same judge that has been dealing with this family since baby #1. She knows very well what to expect from mom and dad! She was very angry when she heard that she had another baby!

Sorry you did not get this lil girl, but at least the grandparents are helping to care for her and keeping her safe!

[mom2behappy]

You would not have any rights to that child unless the bio family opted not to take that child in. im not trying to be rude to you @ all just want to make things clear just because we adopt a child does not make it that they city or the bioparents owe us their other children. bio family gets first choice and if the grandparents want to raise their grandchild even with mom in the picture there is nothing wrong with that. mom is this childs parent and as so she has the right to choose to give guardianship to the gp as long as childrens services has not removed the child. maybe you can make contact with the gp so that the children may know each other.

[infoster]

"bio family gets first choice and if the grandparents want to raise their grandchild even with mom in the picture there is nothing wrong with that. mom is this childs parent and as so she has the right to choose to give guardianship to the gp as long as childrens services has not removed the child."


If you don't know the bio family than you would feel that "nothing is wrong with that". However the Bio family is very unstabled as well. They raised a son (bio Dad) who is in state prison (3 years) now for battery with a deadly weapon and burgulary. I don't beleive that or feel a woman who has abused her three little girls physically, emotionally, and sexually, and then tried to sell our son (her 4th child) at birth to a carnival in another state for bail money has ANY right to choose where here 5th child should be placed. In what stabled state of mind does a Mother have to do these things to any child/baby let alone her own? I am just suprised whether it's another county or not that DCS would be so relaxed on this after all of this and TPR was given on our son just 8 months ago now. Sorry if I sound upset, it's not towards anyone. It's just so painful to know that my son has a baby sister that is 13 months younger than he and I am afraid for her because her Mother is living with the G'Parents and I am sure they leave the baby alone with her. DCS should look at the history and oversee the care at least.

[mom2behappy]

turned out the way he did does not mean that gparents aren't fit. do you know these gparents personally? secondly if mom was able to give birth and give guardianship to gparents that means that dss was not involved meaning the baby was not born wih any drugs or anything in its system.

[alinev]

Threads like this always remind me the the story of Charlotte the cat, a very true and well documented story. A few years ago in NYC Charlotte, the mother of a new litter of kittens, went back into a burning building over and over to rescue each and every one. She lost the tips of both ears and a vast amount of fur and could have lost her life during the rescue. What on this earth is wrong with human beings?