[momof2redheads]

I just really need to vent!

My agency knows ny family, I have a handicapped son, an 8 year old son, 13 year old daughter, and a foster daughter 17. I was asked to take another foster daughter 16. The family met her and although we thought she was not really functioning on her age level, (we were told that she does and she is "normal") we took her into our home. Through conversations with her and other former foster parents we discovered she is not suppossed to be with younger children due to behaviors. When I called the agency and asked why she was placed into my home they told me that she wanted to be with us. Hello, I didn't remember her ever knowing us. Turns out she had met us when we took in a foster daughter that had 2 kids and they had to be moved because this FD was living there. I called the agency who NEVER returned my calls. I finally got her worker on the phone and told her that she can't stay here. I have to say she is driving me NUTS even before I knew of her past. She came to Tattle on my 8 year old for not answering her when she knocked on the bathroom door. I didn't even hear her knock and I was in the hallway. I am so fustrated right now.

I feel bad about having her moved because she justs wants a place to call home. However, If I was told ALL of the facts I never would have taken her. UUUGGGHHHHH! When will agency's learn that you really need to tell us fosterparents what we need to know! For the sake of ALL children!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent

[ca-bigsister]

At what point does the agency get charged with negligence? If they know she's not supposed to be with younger children, AND they place her with you and your younger children, isn't that a form of neglect?

Isn't that abusive to put other children in a bad position?

Can you call CPS or DCFS on them? I'm sorry but I would be so up in arms that I would be going up the chain of command like a general in battle.

[momof2redheads]

Ca-bigsister I soooo agree with you. How can I even trust any of them again. I am amazed that the CW wasn't surprised when I called her on the facts. SHe agrred and said that moving her was best. In order to do this job as case worker correctly you have to take in account all children involved. How was placing this fd with me in her best interest? It was only if I never put all of the pieces together. (for the cw) For my kids it was NEVER in thier best interest. Why can't they (cw) look at the big picture?

[AmahMama]

It's only about the numbers. "This move was made quickly" or "It only took ?? many days to get this placement changed." or "I got this child placed in a home she asked for". I am getting very burnt on the depts, agencies, and cps in general. I've been saying for 10 years now that they don't really have the children or the placement as best interest or they would give us the info that we need to make sure the placement works. When I asked a placement worker directly (at an association meeting she was speaking at) the answer was "just because a child has behaviors in 1 home doesn't mean they will exhibit the same behaviors in another". Well, I'm here to tell you - some of the milder behaviors yes - but the deeper seated ones, the disability ones (adhd, rad, abuse stemmed, ie... not potty trained at 6, etc...) will still be there. And even if you decide to accept the placement - it is with a fully informed status. AND, IMHO, it has never been the positive behaviors that have disrupted a placement. I've never asked that a child be moved because they have great manners, sleep well, eat well, or play well...

I'd be going clear to the state level with this crap. The only way they are ever going to learn is to be censured on it. I may be burnt beyond redemption - but I still love these littles!!!

PS.. I found out yesterday, via the Bio (not the cw), that the "return home meeting" has been set for next week for the 2 sibs that I have now. I'm all for the kids going home, and I don't believe that today would be to soon... LOL... but another example of not picking up the phone and telling me.....

Lots of luck.

[momof2redheads]

I just got off the phone with her CW. She is going to come out tom and talk with the fd. I asked if she was taking her with her and was told NO. They can't find a home until next week. I told her that I will not be keeping her past tom afternoon. They have known about this and how I feel. I told the cw that if I wasn't lied too this move never would have happened. The CW told me she understood. (ha) I told her that if she understood she would have the fd moved sooner rather than later. I was also told that since nothing has happened with the other kids in the house that I really have no reason to want her moved. So I asked who would be responsible when she does something to the others in the house. I was told she won't. I replied you are right because she is going to be moved in 24 hours. If she isn't, she will be at the agency with all of her things.

Who cares if my children are safe they have a bed for the fd. I think I am quitting. I thought I was going to help a child/children by doing foster care. I will be helping children, my own by quitting!

[mommytomykids]

Originally Posted by momof2redheads

I just got off the phone with her CW. She is going to come out tom and talk with the fd. I asked if she was taking her with her and was told NO. They can't find a home until next week. I told her that I will not be keeping her past tom afternoon. They have known about this and how I feel. I told the cw that if I wasn't lied too this move never would have happened. The CW told me she understood. (ha) I told her that if she understood she would have the fd moved sooner rather than later. I was also told that since nothing has happened with the other kids in the house that I really have no reason to want her moved. So I asked who would be responsible when she does something to the others in the house. I was told she won't. I replied you are right because she is going to be moved in 24 hours. If she isn't, she will be at the agency with all of her things.

Who cares if my children are safe they have a bed for the fd. I think I am quitting. I thought I was going to help a child/children by doing foster care. I will be helping children, my own by quitting!

BE FIRM! STAY FIRM!

[momof2redheads]

Well she is gone. I was told that I didn't follow procedures and that I am in trouble now. I should have given 30 days notice. (Funny when I started it was 2 weeks) I told them that it was fine with me if they didn't give me any referrals anymore because I don't see me continueing with an agency that tells me one thing and does another. They told me they will remove the FD I have had for over 20 months. I told them to try. I already call children and youth and told them what is going on. Was told by them that they would waiver me to keep fd in my home because this is the only place she has made progress. I am having a sit down with the agency head tom. I will let him talk but I am not changing my mind. I am not putting my children at risk. This supervisor has only been at the agency for a few weeks. Oh well all they can do is tell me that they won't refer anymore kids to me. To tell you the truth I don't care anymore. Maybe when all of my kids are grown but fostercare takes alot out on your own kids. Sometimes I wonder why we started this road, but looking into my fd's face I know it was worth all the crap. I am just not going to compromise on this one!

Thanks for listening

[meshsgrl]

[snc2007]

Originally Posted by momof2redheads

Well she is gone. I was told that I didn't follow procedures and that I am in trouble now. I should have given 30 days notice. (Funny when I started it was 2 weeks) I told them that it was fine with me if they didn't give me any referrals anymore because I don't see me continueing with an agency that tells me one thing and does another. They told me they will remove the FD I have had for over 20 months. I told them to try. I already call children and youth and told them what is going on. Was told by them that they would waiver me to keep fd in my home because this is the only place she has made progress. I am having a sit down with the agency head tom. I will let him talk but I am not changing my mind. I am not putting my children at risk. This supervisor has only been at the agency for a few weeks. Oh well all they can do is tell me that they won't refer anymore kids to me. To tell you the truth I don't care anymore. Maybe when all of my kids are grown but fostercare takes alot out on your own kids. Sometimes I wonder why we started this road, but looking into my fd's face I know it was worth all the crap. I am just not going to compromise on this one!

Thanks for listening

Your post made me cry - maybe a little PMS is also to blame! I have met and heard of many bp's that think of their children as property. When I hear about sw's (that are supposed to be advocating for them) with this same attitude it makes me feel like the system is hopeless. I can't believe they threatened to move your fd. Please find a new agency or work directly with DFS. Hang in there - what you do is so important!

[momof2redheads]

Thanks for the hugs and for the encouraging words. The agency didn't want to sit down with me today and will call me on monday. Funny, if they think I am going to be upset they are wrong. I am not going to sit around this weekend wondering what is going to happen. I already know that what I have done is the best, not only for me but for the FD as well. It would have been very stressful to keep her here and there is nothing good about that.

Thanks again for letting me talk. It is very helpful to have people behind you. (Even if I have never met you all)