[callismom]

I have always had a variety of races of children as foster children with never any issues, however, this is the first time I have had one who is older, 9, and is a pre-adoptive placement. Both myself and my adopted daughter are white and I am wondering how this little girl will feel about it. Before they met to pick the pre adoptive family I asked them if they had asked her if she was OK with it. They were vague so I am assuming they didn't. Has anyone had experience with this?

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by callismom

I have always had a variety of races of children as foster children with never any issues, however, this is the first time I have had one who is older, 9, and is a pre-adoptive placement. Both myself and my adopted daughter are white and I am wondering how this little girl will feel about it. Before they met to pick the pre adoptive family I asked them if they had asked her if she was OK with it. They were vague so I am assuming they didn't. Has anyone had experience with this?

She may have had white foster parents in the past. I would definately recommend that you hang out in the TransRacial adoption forum here. You can meet other mixed race families and see how they deal with issues as they come up.

I have two black daughters but they were adopted as infants. Maire-Kate is 9 and it doesn't bother her that I'm white-but I've been her mommy all her life. She fits in very well with caucasian and african american cultures. She has friends who are white, black, hispanic & asian. She fits in well with her black friends and their families (when she visits). So far, being in a mixed race family hasn't negatively affected her.

[Robbin]

My own bios are mixed, I am caucasian, dad is AA.

Two recommendations:

1. Provide body lotion. She should put it on after every shower/bath while she is still somewhat damp or her skin will get very dry and "ashy". Pay special attention to knees and elbows, and if they are already very dry, use Vaseline on them, along with lotion for the rest of her body.

2. Find an AA hair dresser. She will be able to instruct you in the daily care of "black" hair. AA's don't have to wash their hair as often as "white" people do, otherwise it drys out and becomes fragile. Her scalp should also be "greased" on a regular basis to maintain health and shine.

[Joei_in_NJ]

sorry I jumped in - I just wanted to tell you about my favorite lotion - I am Hispanic and my husband is African American - as far as lotion - Vaseline has a lotion with Shea butter - can't think of the name but know that it is the brown bottle - I literally have to fight with DD to make sure she has lotion because her skin is so dry ....

[callismom]

Please no more recommendations People didn't read my question. I have had numerous children of all races. I have had 6 aa girls and am an expert at hair, skin, braiding etc. My question was if any people have had any older aa children move in with them and how did the CHILD feel about moving in with an all white family.

[afamilythroughfoster]

My experience is limited to one family so take it for what it's worth. My BIL's family had 4 bios and 6 adopted fosterchildren (my sister married her high school sweetheart so I've known this family a long time) 4 of those adopted were AA. Everything went smoothly until the children hit their teens years. Then all of sudden, race was a huge issue that they brought up as often as possible.
BIL mother was a bit taken aback by the change in their attitude and didn't really seem to know how to handle their comments so she did't say much. I wouldn't recommend that..it didn't seem to help.
Of course, this was back in the 80's and she didn't have the support of a great community like this. DSS didn't give her any support-so I guess some things really don't change
IMO, your already ahead of the game by trying to anticipate the "rocky road" areas and getting a plan together to address them.
Congratulations on the newest member of your family

[ALfostermom]

not sure where you are from, but like someone mentioned above around here the problem hits with teenagers. unfortunatly i still live in a very prejudiced part of the world where a lot of ignorant people believe races shouldn't mix.( Understand i do not feel this way--a person is a person) therefore dating becomes a problem b/c if the child has been raised in a all white home/school/life who do they date---white/black/hispanic/or mixed???? My advice make sure you involve as much of her culture and heritage in her life as possible.... Good luck and congrats on your new family member.

[Joei_in_NJ]

I apologize - you are right I didn't fully read your original post -

[Robbin]

Sorry.

My hubby is Puerto Rican. He came to the US @ 7yo. He grew up in our town, and had more AA friends/acquaintences than white. When we have AA children at our house, he really makes them feel comfortable, I guess because HE feels comfortable with them. How comfortable do you feel with her culture? Do you have AA friends, acquaintences, neighbors? (sorry I don't recall if you mentioned this in your post).

My older son had an AA girlfriend who was adopted by a white couple. She seemed to feel comfortable in either culture, but she had been adopted at a younger age. But come to think of it, she has been his only AA girlfriend, the rest have been white (I am white, dad is AA).

I guess it will also depend on the child and their exposure to caucasians. There are many AA families who have caucasian family members. My sons' AA cousins all call me "aunt R" and don't seem to be embarrassed by me (even tho' I haven't been involved with my sons' dad in over 13 years).