[shall0927]

ok, so now that I am officially liscensed, I have so many questions.

what are some good questions that ppl have ran into that they wish they would have asked.

What do you say when the child first says they want their mommy.

what if their birthday is like really soon, how do you celebrate?

and the biggie, what should they call me... do I encourage them to call me mommy, is that selfish? is that confusing?

I have read soooooooo much and I am prepared I think but just need some thoughts.

Thanks so much!

[waitingtobeamom]

1)I can't think of anything that I wish I would have asked.

2) I would give them a big hug. My usual response when one of my fd says that is, "I know you do, honey!"

3) If they had a birthday coming up I would celebrate with a family/close family friend party with cake and presents. All kids love and deserve to celebrate their birthday.

4) I wouldn't push them to call you anything. They will eventually call you what feels right to them. We introduced ourselves as our first names, but by the end of day 1 we were mommy and daddy. We then began by calling ourselves mommy_______ and daddy ______. Now ten months later we are just mommy and daddy most of the time. Other times we are just our first names. Our itty bitty on the other hand we have always referred to ourselves as mommy and daddy.

[CaddoRose]

Questions: I have a set of questions I ask when called with a placement. I try to keep it with me in my purse and by the phone because you never know when or where that call will come. I felt really prepared otherwise.

If Foster child asks about Mom or says they miss parents, it's ok. I validate those feelings for them and let them know it's ok to miss them. If visitaiton is happening I tell them they will see parents on x day. If parents have to pass a drug test before visit, I wouldn't tell them they will see parents on x day because it might not happen. Just reassure them that parents love them and they will see them soon. At lot depends ont eh age of the child.

Birthday's are usually really special for kids, so I would do the same things for foster child that I would do for my own. Cake, party, etc. Again, a lot depends on the age bracket.

Small children tend to call the closest caregiver Momma and Daddy. Our 2.5 yr old FD began calling us Momma and Daddy right away. She has a speech delay so I wasn't going to labor the point tot ry to get her to call us by another name. She even calls our 11 yr old DD Momma sometimes. For older kids I prefer C-Mom and first name -Dad. We introduce ourselves with our names, tell them they call us by our names, but they really decide. We have had children for respite for the weekend who called us Mom and Dad partly for fun and partly because they wanted to. Kids figure it out pretty quick what they feel comfortable with. It can be a problem for bio parents if they hear a foster child call a foster parent Mom or Dad. I would never call myself that in their presence.

It gets easier as time goes by and there is so much support here from lots of people who have been doing this for a while. It really helps to read the opinions and suggestions here.

[stevenstwin]

Just a thought on the birthdays, though! Prepare to be underwhelmed and disappointed by the response, as the birthday is likely to be a very conflicted occasion. Mine had the worst melt-down I've ever seen over his birthday - and I was disappointed because I'd tried SO hard to make it really special, especially since I knew that they ever really celebrated it at home. He hadn't even had a cake in years. In retrospect, I can see that he WANTED to show appreciation, but not being "home" for his birthday hit him really hard. The second year we went more low key...and he was able to respond a lot more. I'll tell you - that first year, after I went ALL OUT I was shocked that he got TOTALLY excited over his gift from his dad....a handful of used, battered, cat-urine soaked Pokemon cards. I didn't even get a grudging "thanks" for the big party, the iPod and the BMX bike ;-)