[Lamaena]

As some of you may know my dh and I have had a prescious little girl in our care since she was 4 days old, she is now a 20 month old princess; a prescious member of our family we feel blessed to be able to care for.
July 1st was our last Judicial Review (JR) and at that time the determination was made that the bmom would begin unsupervised visits leading towards RU (if she doesn't use and maintains her housing and employment). Well, while I would love to state that my husband and I are feeling positive about the situation, we can't, not because we want to 'take' the baby away from her bmom, but rather bc the bmom has not been able to demonstrate she is truly invested in providing a stable and healthy environment for little D to grow up in. To begin with, bmom exposed the baby to meth and marijuana in utero, then she violated probation and was thrown in prison for 11 months (which means that by the time she saw the baby again since infancy the baby was already 12 months old), after being released from prison in November of 2007 the bmom has lied consistently, became pregnant by a man that is now in prison for attempting to kill a cop, and tested positive for meth again in March. The bmom has also had the opportunity to visit the baby at the daycare every day of the week between 8:30am and 5:00pm, she has not taken advantage of this opportunity and instead only visited the baby during her two hours supervised visitation once per week. After her relapse, the plan as we understood it was to terminate her parental rights (bdad is also in prison on drug charges), but, due to the CM's inability to do her job, that was impossible b/c the case was not staffed when the mother used, instead the CM waited until the bmom for the first time pushed to get a place to live and job to staff it with the legal department who then stated the bmom was again in compliance with her case plan.
Now here we are 7/30/08 feeling so depleated of energy, hopeless, and upset. The baby had recurreing ear infections last year as a results of some visits with the bio family (they smoke a lot and around the children). We were able to succesfully have the visits discontinued after the bfamily was asked repeatedly to take the necessary meassures to protect the baby from the cigarette smoke and chose not to. In January of the current year the ENT put tubes in the baby's ears and that coupled with the lack of exposure to cigarette smoke was THE remedy. Since the visits began on July 2nd, the baby has again had a severe ear infection, and the members of the system appear not to care. Furthermore, the bmom is lying to the CM that trusts everything she tells her.
I have been reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over, wanting to figure out whether there is or isn't anything else for us to do. I need help; advise from those of you that are familiar with the system. What else, if anything, can we do to ensure our fd's safety? We are convinced, as a result of the bmother's actions, that she is not prepared to put herself second to take care of little D or this new baby on the way (considering she used while pregnant with this baby too - and NO we are not interested in taking in the other baby). We are due to go back to court early September and fear D is going to be returned to what we can clearly see is an unstable and unsafe environment. PLEASE HELP!

[committedsoul]

I have no advice... however, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

The serenity prayer is my prayer of choice when dealing with the system... I know its hard, but you will get through it...

I'll pray with you...

God, grant her the serenity to accept the things she cannot change. The courage to change the things she can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Peace be with you and love her while you can.

[Lamaena]

Thanks for praying with me and for praying for D. We really appreciate it!

[aclee]

This is so sad for this little one. We adopted a baby boy in Jan, and are looking to work through the state for our next adoption. At the meeting I went to, the SW said that Massachusetts had passed legislation (can't remember what it's called) regarding the permanency of foster care. It stated that RU goals were only supported for 12 months and then they need to show just cause before a judge for RU goal to continue or goal is moved toward adoption. Does your state have any legislation like this? Does this type of legislation mean anything usually?

20 months out of her mother's care seems like a long time to then transition back...does the mother deserve another chance? Maybe, but what about what the child deserves? Permanency decisions after 12 months seems reasonable to me unless there are outstanding circumstances....

[enjoylife1]

Since I am new to this board can I ask a stupid question?
First of all my heart is breaking for you but we can only hope that the bMom's life is exposed for the false security is shows. She is one step away from parole violation or probation, whichever fits,

My question is, how long does your Daughter have to be exposed to this horrible home before the court gives her back to the system and 2) would you get her back?

[sunshine31]

I feel your pain. After having our fd's who are sisters for over a year and a half they were sent back to the mother. The mother tested positive for drugs during pregnency. The father is the biggest drug dealer in their county. There is a lot to this so I will make this a short and to the point as possible. It was a relative placement so we had inside info that the cw was not aware of. When we voiced our concerns we were given the run around and the cw would blow us off. Well they seen what we were telling them to be true when we were called three weeks after they went back to come pick them up because mom and dad just got picked up for charges of dealing cocaine. It was from a year long investigation so no current activity could be proven so they got bailed out and the kids went back that week.
That time we also had their five week old sister.
I can tell you the advice that was given to us was to as you have voice your concern to the cw than if that does not help go to her supervisor than to the director and then to the regional director but it is important to climb the ladder in that way. I am not sure what state you are in but in some states there is an ombudsman who will hear your complaint and may investigate the DCS office. We are in Indiana and unfortunatly our state does not have one for children.
We just found out the cw is letting mom leave the county with the kids and she is not even two weeks into her ninety day home trial. It started over when she went to jail and they came back to us for a week. They are supposed to be doing in home CHINS so it doesn't make sense to me. The father did not comply at all and is not supposed to be aroung the children. The cw said if they are caught together with the children that she would take them. Well people that work in her office have seen them and told her and she has not done anything about it.
Sorry I was going to make this short but got started venting and could not stop.
I understand the frustration when the cw is incompetent and does not care. We all need to find a way to make a difference and change the system.

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by aclee

At the meeting I went to, the SW said that Massachusetts had passed legislation (can't remember what it's called) regarding the permanency of foster care. It stated that RU goals were only supported for 12 months and then they need to show just cause before a judge for RU goal to continue or goal is moved toward adoption. Does your state have any legislation like this? Does this type of legislation mean anything usually?

California has similar guidelines. We were told that R/U services were given for the first 6 months. Then the case is reviewed and if the parents have been compliant, services can be continued. If not, the parents have another 6 months to try to show they can provide a safe home, but they are no longer given support in working their case plan - they have to do it on their own. After a year, their rights are terminated. That's the idea. BUT -

We were matched with a 4-year-old who had been in care since birth. Mom was a drug user who had been in jail many times. She did not even attempt to work her plan. They had discontinued her r/u services. But the little boy's case worker decided to give mom ONE MORE CHANCE and he ended up not being placed with us. So the rule is one year, but here was a case that was still dragging on after 4 years. So much depends upon the CW and the judge, which is what makes fost/adopt so hard. You just never know what might happen and there is a long period of uncertainty after a child is placed with you. Our case is considered very low risk - but we always know in the back of our mind that we could lose Daniel at any time. R/U is what should happen if the parents have worked to provide a safe home - but it's heartbreaking when a child goes back to a home that you know to be unsafe and there's nothing you can do.

[vernellinnj]

Lamaena - My hear aches for you. I UNDERSTAND how you are feeling as (I'm sure you know) I am in somewhat of a similar situation. MY fc has been with me over 2 years and the case plan is STILL concurrent. We have a hearing soon and I pray the judge doesn't have an epiphany and say to start working towards RU. I've prayed the entire time for God's will to be done and now I waiver between letting it play out and hiring an attorney. I tell myself that if I've prayed I can't then dispute what happens and I have to trust that it is indeed "God's will". I don't know.....it's just so hard.

Have you thought of consulting an attorney to see if you have any rights? Know that I am thinking of you and that I pray the best interest of the child is met.

P.S. I believe in miracles and I'm asking God for one on your behalf! PM me if you want to talk!

[Lamaena]

Originally Posted by aclee

Does your state have any legislation like this? Does this type of legislation mean anything usually?

20 months out of her mother's care seems like a long time to then transition back...does the mother deserve another chance? Maybe, but what about what the child deserves? Permanency decisions after 12 months seems reasonable to me unless there are outstanding circumstances....

There is a federal and here in FL also a State law but, ultimately, like anothe poster stated, it doesn't always work out that way. There are always loopholes, and those are very easily used when there is an incompetent CW with a bruised ego handling the case.
In regards to how long the baby would have to withstand a bad situation w/out being removed again, who knows? Anyone's guess is good enough.
And last, Would she be returned to us if she returned to foster care...I think that is unlikely b/c then they would try to place her with her soon to be born baby sister and b/c the CW would rather not have to deal with me.

[Lamaena]

Originally Posted by vernellinnj

Lamaena - My hear aches for you. I UNDERSTAND how you are feeling as (I'm sure you know) I am in somewhat of a similar situation. MY fc has been with me over 2 years and the case plan is STILL concurrent. We have a hearing soon and I pray the judge doesn't have an epiphany and say to start working towards RU. I've prayed the entire time for God's will to be done and now I waiver between letting it play out and hiring an attorney. I tell myself that if I've prayed I can't then dispute what happens and I have to trust that it is indeed "God's will". I don't know.....it's just so hard.

Have you thought of consulting an attorney to see if you have any rights? Know that I am thinking of you and that I pray the best interest of the child is met.

P.S. I believe in miracles and I'm asking God for one on your behalf! PM me if you want to talk!

You and I are on the same page, God has a reason for everything and all I wish is that the outcome is indeed what is in D's best interest.

I'll be in touch.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Lamaena

The baby had recurreing ear infections last year as a results of some visits with the bio family (they smoke a lot and around the children). We were able to succesfully have the visits discontinued after the bfamily was asked repeatedly to take the necessary meassures to protect the baby from the cigarette smoke and chose not to. In January of the current year the ENT put tubes in the baby's ears and that coupled with the lack of exposure to cigarette smoke was THE remedy. Since the visits began on July 2nd, the baby has again had a severe ear infection, and the members of the system appear not to care.

Please know my prayers for you and your little one will be added to others.

I do also want to comment on the smoking and ear infection issue. My oldest son had an ear infection every month the first year of his life. He finally had tubes put in and it was great--no ear infections again for years. I personally have had them put in 3 times as an adult-I have lots of allergies. No one has ever smoked in my home-we have never spent time with relatives or friends who smoke.

There are so many reasons why this child needs to stay with you, but you might want to soft-pedal the smoking thing. It's unpleasant, I dislike the habit, but it's not illegal and may make it look like you are "reaching" for things to be concerned about.

[Lamaena]

Originally Posted by RobinKay

Please know my prayers for you and your little one will be added to others.

I do also want to comment on the smoking and ear infection issue. My oldest son had an ear infection every month the first year of his life. He finally had tubes put in and it was great--no ear infections again for years. I personally have had them put in 3 times as an adult-I have lots of allergies. No one has ever smoked in my home-we have never spent time with relatives or friends who smoke.

There are so many reasons why this child needs to stay with you, but you might want to soft-pedal the smoking thing. It's unpleasant, I dislike the habit, but it's not illegal and may make it look like you are "reaching" for things to be concerned about.

Thank you for the information...I have a question, did you or your chidren have ear infections while having the tubes in?

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Lamaena

Thank you for the information...I have a question, did you or your chidren have ear infections while having the tubes in?

No, no more infections until the tubes fell out, for me and for my son.

I hope the little ones are not dealing with allergies on top of everything else. The smoking can certainly make that worse!

[Bonitaj]

We are due to go back to court early September and fear D is going to be returned to what we can clearly see is an unstable and unsafe environment. PLEASE HELP![/quote]

I can't help you with this case. My heart goes out to you because, this sound alot like the one that had me rethink why I became a foster mom. If you are up to it read my journal. I know things don't look so good for you now. I have a good feeling, that when it comes to the end you will have your child. It may take awhile please don't give up. Write the judge facts and what you will do for the child. I would try one more time talk with the CM and CMsup to ask how do they see the case going. Don't talk neg about bfamily. Tell the GAL/ DA what you want. I have two 4 year olds now(no not twins). one came to live with me at 10mos other one was 12mos. I will write about them someday when the words come I have been have a hard time this pass year. I didn't mean to talk so much;but I don't know how things will work out for you.

[Lamaena]

Originally Posted by RobinKay

No, no more infections until the tubes fell out, for me and for my son.

I hope the little ones are not dealing with allergies on top of everything else. The smoking can certainly make that worse!

My point exactly, while in our care she has not had ONE ear infection since the tubes were put in. However, once the visits began the ear infection was back, tubes and all! IT's the smoking, b/c why would there not be any more ear infections since Jan. until bmom got visits.

Have an appt scheduled with the ENT...he'll be able to clarify.