[kydz_7]

My CW came today to tell me state worker said WE Have to take the half-sib...of my medical baby that I have had for 14 months...born at 1 lb...sat with her hours on end while in NICU for 4 months...home to me on oxygen, tube feed, many surgeries, severe dev. delays...therapies, home nurse, endless doctor appts...I nursed her to where she is now...bio-mom never saw her...left her to fight for her life...I picked up the pieces...went to the end of the world and back knowing it would be a solid TPR...NOW that the state gets involved cuz of heading for adoption...The state dropped the bomb....take the 20 month old half-sib(they are only 7 months apart)...the 2 never even met....OR ELSE.. they will photo list them as sibs and a hope to find a home....my heart is tearing right now...she is my everything - I am all she knows...NOW THIS....we are also at the same point in the TPR/adoption of our other 2 year. old.....that could poss. put us at 3 little ones...all born in the same year...remember the one is severley medical....what are they thinking...any advice? on what to do?...wanted to always to only adopt 2 leaving my 3rd spot to always continue fostering....I would have to stop if we decided all 3 to keep my FD)..my mind is spinning....

[EZ2Luv]

((HUGS)) I don't have any answers but I just wanted to offer you some support. What a tough situation to be in. I couldnt help but noice that you have 8 children, God bless you. May I ask why you would not be able to continue fostering? Is it that you would just have too much of a work load, or is there just a limit on the amout of children you are allowed to have? I only ask because you seem like such a big hearted woman that would take 100 kids if you could. Again, I know this must be tough.

EZ

[kydz_7]

Yes, I would take a 100 if I could....we have 6 early & mid-teens...then the 2 we are in the process of tpr/adoption and then always have my 3rd spot filled with short-termers...mostly newborns, which I would love to continue...but I am only licensed for 3 because state regs say no more than 9 kids combined in any home...though 3 of are teens are only half timers (50% time with thier dad)....the workload is huge also especially with a medical baby.....sometimes I think exceptions need to be made about the sibling laws(especially when half sibs and NO bond)....I did tell CW to ask state person that if the 2 were kept seperate we would be very open to lifelong sibling visits/contact.....well see....1 person to make life altering decisions, just doesnt seem right to me.

[EandDmom]

I can't tell you what to do obviously but I will tell you if it were me I'd agree to whatever I had to to be able to adopt a child I had done so much for and considered mine. Good luck and I hope it all turns out for you. Do you think a lawyer would help? I have no clue just a thought.

[quiescentfury]

Do you think someone else would come forward, seeing as the baby has such needs? I would not take the sibling just to keep the baby you have. That is a life long commitment to the sib that you were not wanting to make, how is that in the best interest of the sib? I think you should get letters from the baby's doctors about any harm that would be done to have your baby removed from your home.

In this case where there is no bond, they have never lived together, and your baby is fragile I think it would be a mistake to move the baby from you.

[Yash]

You gotta love the system and their emotional blackmail.

Where is the other baby currently staying? Does that family not want to adopt him or her?

To be honest, if they don't accept your offer for lifelong sibling contact, then I would say yes to the sibling. Three kids born the same year would be a lot of work for you and your family, but what wouldn't you do to keep your little girl?

DCF obviously loves placing short term babies with you so if you really wanted to continue, if you had the time and could manage four babies, I'm sure they would make you an exception to the rule. I've seen them do it numerous, numerous times for families they love and can depend on.

Best of luck with your decision.

[kydz_7]

My med. baby's half sib is in a home that was told from the beggining that she would be moved to my babys home or a home that could take both if adopted....they are okay with that and have known this through the whole case... I just found that out yesterday too. And that family did not want a medical baby even from the start....
yes, I get plenty of short term newborn and infant calls now that my medical baby is stable....BUT if I took half sib to keep mine, which is what I most likely will do (I love children and sure to bond with her as well, not concerned about that.) But would step out of fostercare to focus on "my" newly adopted children...We are waiting to hear if GAL could recommend her to remain with us...and go to bat for us with the state to agree....keeping fingers crossed so I can have my baby and continue short term fostering...I cant imagine life without her after all we have been through...

[BethanyB]

If I were you I would take the sibling. And I only say that because I think you would love that child just as much. I can understand your concern on their age and how close together they are but it can work. I do think that sibs should be kept together if at all possible. Even if they do not know each other and have a bond now. They would be allowed to grow up together and form a wonderful bond in your home. I know it is not always possible and this can't be an easy situation.

[TxMom65]

I don't remember exactly how our SW told us it was worded, but in our state if a child has been in a foster home for a certain amount of time ( I think over one year) and there is TPR, you can apply to the courts for something. I don't remember what.

Have you thought of contacting an attorney?

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Could some bonding assessments be done to show the baby's bond to you and lack of bond between siblings? This seems a little ridiculous. Have you even met this half-sibling? Does he/she have any problems?

I think I would call a lawyer or speak to someone higher up at DCFS. Sometimes workers take matters into their own hands but someone higher up can step in. If not, I think I might call their bluff and if someone DOES step up for both then I would contest it.

Kim

[BethanyB]

My med. baby's half sib is in a home that was told from the beggining that she would be moved to my babys home or a home that could take both if adopted

It appears as if she was told this from the beginning so it seems like this was always the plan. Did they tell you that from the beginning too?

[kydz_7]

We have never met or even seen a picture of sibling....and we were told from the beginning by CW that to keep her sperate would not be a proble because she is medically fragile,ect....I thought all along the sibs foster home wanted to adopt her...BUT just found out by CW that "she is not in the best place should could be" and they were told all along that she may move on to us....surprise to me. We are first checking all possibilites of having CW & GAL to talk with higher ups of the state to keep seperate...if all else fails, I will do what it takes to keep my baby and who knows the sib may walk through my door and I fall instantly for her too because she is a part of my baby.....that is plan B....I am not interested in getting a lawyer or bonding assessment because I wont let it get that far to keep seperate but would prefer that way in this situation.....*BIG SIGH*

[stevenstwin]

I'm sorry you are faced with such a hard decision, but my heart is breaking for that poor little girl - that she's been so long in a place that is "not the best" with no hope of permanence or a family of her own :-( I can see why they want her to at least be with a sibling - but considering the high medical needs of your own child, I just can't BELIEVE they'd threaten to move her!!

Originally Posted by kydz_7

We have never met or even seen a picture of sibling....and we were told from the beginning by CW that to keep her sperate would not be a proble because she is medically fragile,ect....I thought all along the sibs foster home wanted to adopt her...BUT just found out by CW that "she is not in the best place should could be" and they were told all along that she may move on to us....surprise to me. We are first checking all possibilites of having CW & GAL to talk with higher ups of the state to keep seperate...if all else fails, I will do what it takes to keep my baby and who knows the sib may walk through my door and I fall instantly for her too because she is a part of my baby.....that is plan B....I am not interested in getting a lawyer or bonding assessment because I wont let it get that far to keep seperate but would prefer that way in this situation.....*BIG SIGH*

[Becki_in_IN]

Wow, that is really hard for everyone, but especially the kids. I hope you are able to take the sib, but I understand that it would be really hard.

My kids have another half-sib out there somewhere that I would have loved to adopt if someone would have bother to tell us about her. It breaks my heart because barring a major miracle from God we will never even know Katlie.

I'll be praying for wisdom on your part and sanity on the part of your agency.

[twinflana]

I wonder if the state has even asked the other foster family if they would be interested in keeping the half sib. I never ever intended to adopt from foster care but sometimes you just cant help what you heart does. The other foster family might be interested in adopting but are beening told that you want the half sib. Yes I have seen half sibs stay in separate adoptive homes with visits between the 2.

It is hard though knowing that your child has a half sib somewhere in the world. My older son has a sister 3 yrs older and I know we will never see her. Now my younger son's bio mom is pregnant again even though she told everyone she is sterile and since we moved out of florida we will probably never get to meet that girl either.