[Scrapsathome]

I guess the upside is that if you do adopt the sib, too, you'll only have a 3 year wait before you can start fostering again. You have a 15 yr old and three 14 year olds, right? They are so close to adulthood. I don't know about your state, but my county says no more than 8 kids under the age of 18 in the home. So if they are adults, they no longer count as kids.

Waiting can be hard. But what would your baby want when she is older? Maybe this 2 year old will turn out to be perfect for your family. And having grown up together maybe that sibling will someday be the one who is always "there" for their more fragile sibling throughout their lives. You can say 'let another family adopt them and we'll stay in close contact' but that other family may decide to move to another state and you just won't be able to stay as close.

Clearly you can see where my heart would be in this issue, but I do totally understand how shocked and frustrated you must be to have this kind of emotional blackmail sprung on you at the 11th hour. Good luck with your decision.

Jess

[circap]

It is my understanding that if you have had the child for over 12 months you can fight for custody of the child and with the circumstances that you have loved this child through surely a judge would be in your favor...at least I pray that he would. I agree that siblings should be placed together if at all possible but child services should not have waited this long to do something about it. We had a similar situation and brought an attorney and many letters to the judge about our child and our bond, and it helped us out.

[Boulderbabe]

Okay, this is crazy. It is one thing to *ask* you if you have room for the sib. But to threaten to pull a medically fragile infant out of the only home she's ever known, just to place her with a half-sib she doesn't know?

This is nuts.

I think that if you really can't take the sib, it's time to take a hard line with DSS. First of all, don't let them bully you. Call their bluff---it is HIGHLY unlikely that they will find a fost-adopt home for two young children, one of whom has serious medical issues, very quickly. Actually, it's so difficult to find homes for medically fragile kids that I don't think they'll be able to find one at all.

THEN: you need to file for "intervenor" or "de facto parent" status, whatever it is called in your state. You have the legal right to this status, and it will allow you to submit information to the court about your baby's medical and psychological needs. The court needs to understand what removing this child means, and needs to grasp that if it removes the baby, another home that can provide such fabulous nursing care will have to be found. (You can also tell the court that the reason you can't take the sib is the high degree of nursing care this baby requires).

PM me if you want more information on how to file.