[Nicole Elaine]

Let me say first that I knew what we were getting into when we earned our foster care license. This is just me venting our frustration with the case worker.

We have a foster son who is 11. Parental rights have been terminated and he has been free for adoption for a couple of years. He has two brothers who have been adopted by his previous foster parents. Our fs has been in care for 5 years- he spent almost all of that time with the foster parents who adopted his brothers, but was moved to residential facilities a few times, and has been to a few different foster homes.

He's been with us for five months now, and I think he's doing quite well. The case worker, therapist, and case manager have all told us not to tell him his brothers were adopted because they think it will hurt him really bad. He is 11 and asks me ALL THE TIME about his future, and asks if his brothers can move into our home.

Well, needless to say, they (our agency) conveniently left out all kinds of details when they placed him with us. We weren't sure about taking an 11 year old, and I pretty much interrogated the agency before taking him because I was so worried about it. I specifically asked if there was a history of sexual abuse, because that really scares us (we have a baby on the way and lots of nieces and nephews who visit).

Well I found out from the previous foster mom (who is really really sweet and still keeps in contact with our fs) that he has been sexually abused, has acted out sexually against his little brother, has destroyed tons of their property, and so on.

I really really like his previous foster mom. She is so nice and tries to include our fs in things they do so he can still talk to his brothers.

However, she has made comments to me about how the case worker (who lives/works about an hour from our home) keeps her "updated" on his case and also gives her updates about his biological mother when she has them.

I know the previous foster parents have had tons of time to form a relationship with the case worker, and it doesn't bother me.

What bothers me is that we are so often left out of the loop. Nobody has bothered to tell us what the plan is for our foster son. We don't know if they want him to return to the previous home, stay here, or be adopted out.

Our fs came home from therapy and told us that the therapist (who also is in contact with the previous foster mom) talked about reuniting him with the previous foster parents. How convenient- the therapist knows, the old foster mom knows, and the case worker knows- but the two people responsible for this young man's future are clueless.

I am just utterly annoyed. With our last placement, I was very very vocal in letting people know what we thought was best for our foster kids, and nobody seemed to care. They were returned to their mother who was not capable of caring for them properly.

I am just frustrated. We'll keep fostering- helping kids is what we wanted to do, and that's what we're doing, so it's fine. But I am just annoyed.

I finally fired off an email to the case worker demanding answers about the permanency plan for him. I think I'm already on her bad side because we both work and it's an inconvenience for her to have to drive so far to see our fs in the evenings. She made a comment to the case manager at the agency that we're "going to have to be more flexible". Ooookay, more flexible than WHAT? We have jobs. If we took off work for every appointment and visitation, neither of us would be able to hold down a job.

I'm just going to scream.

Any insight, or rants?

[athikers]

No advice here. Isn't it grand to do all the work of caring for the child but feel like your opinion and what you KNOW about the child and attempt to share for the child's benefit is ignored. I have been there, it stinks.

[RobinKay]

How rude and disrespectful to you. No other way to see it-

Are you foster parents or babysitters? You have every right to feel angry and used.