[bluebird38]

My fd told me that she had a secret but doesn't want me to tell anyone. Apparently, her bio let her sit on their lap and "drive" on the way to a relatives house during a recent visit. It's not very far, but that's not the point! She was also told to duck to the bottom of the vehicle if they were to see the police!

Ahhhh! Why do they do these things!

bluebird38

[Withay]

You have to tell the cw immediately. You are a mandated reporter and this type of behavior is endangering the child. You have no choice.

I know that you already know this, but there may be someone that doesn't.

You may want to explain to fd that there are some 'secrets' that are not meant to be kept. This is one of them, because it puts her in danger. Let her know that you are proud of her for confiding in you.

[bluebird38]

I did let her cw know. The cw told me that she would have to check into it. I don't know if anything will come of it.

I also explained to fd about that being unsafe for her and that the police are good people. I told her that it is her Mom's job to keep her safe and that wasn't safe. I also explained that I have to keep her safe too.

What makes this even more difficult is the fact that she is scheduled to go back home in a couple of weeks. Do you think that this will have any affect on her returning then?

I really hate that she confided in me and I had to tell the cw. Her Mom will most likely tell fd that I told. But, I had to report it. That's part of keeping her safe. I just hope that this doesn't damage her trust in me if anything else were to come up. I'm afraid that she will not feel as if she can tell me things because it might get her Mom in trouble.

I've had a really good relationship with her Mom while I've had her. I'm afraid that this will change that. I hope not. I hope she sees that I am just doing what I have to do.

bluebird38

[greenrobin]

Whenever I've been asked to be a secret keeper, I tell the child that I will keep their secret as close between us as I possibly can. If I need to talk to another trusted adult--cw, principal, therapist--then I will talk to ONLY that person. I, too, stress the safety issue. Then I keep my work. If I can keep the secret because there's no safety issue, I do. If I need to tell it, I just tell it to the people I name to the child.

My experience is that most kids just need someone to take charge of the situation. Good secrets need to be shared and kept. Not so good ones--well, they already know. They're just not able to figure out who else needs to know. That's why they told you.

You did good. Don't worry about the relationship with the mom. It's a plus to have it, but not necessary. Your first responsibility, your ONLY responsibility, is to the safety of the child.

[stevenstwin]

The REALLY upsetting thing is that it is possible nothing will even come of it...that the CW may decide it is "no big deal". It's a terrible feeling to have to make that decision, worry that a child will feel their trust is being violated, etc - and then not even have anyone in authority particularly care.

[bluebird38]

I have a feeling that's probably what will happen. I think that since they are so close to reunification that they'll just let it go.

bluebird38

[TxMom65]

I don't uinderstand why someone with SO much to lose would do something like that. WHy? I have never understood why anyone would take such a stupid risk.

[Robbin]

Whenever I work with a bio family, I have learned to always start the relationship off by telling them that I will always tell the case worker anything that they tell me or anything that they do in front of me so if they do not want the cw to know, they should not say or do it in front of me. If they try to tell me any secrets, or ..."don't let the agency know, but..." stuff, I interject, I am obligated to share everything I know with the cw, so please consider if you really want to tell me.

[bluebird38]

Well, apparently the cw is going to act like it never happened. She is not returning any of my calls or e-mails now. And the children are going for another extended visit.

So, I guess I worried about telling my fd's secret for nothing. Because I don't think the cw even mentioned it to bio. The children go home in a couple of weeks. I hope they will be safe. I just can't help but wonder what kind of chances the bio is willing to take with her children's safety when they're not in custody when she puts their life in danger when she's supposedly being watched because she doesn't have custody.

bluebird38