[vernellinnj]

My FC has regular visits with family. A transportation worker takes the child as I work. Recently FC has been asking me to come too. When I asked why I should come the answer was, "Because mommy...I don't want you to stay home by yourself". Weird as I drop the child at daycare and they know I'm going to work (young so probably doesn't connect)

Do you transport? If so, how has it affected your relationship with bio family?

Ugh...I hate that I can't edit the title...forgive the spelling error

[vegaschristina]

When my kids had visits, I always transported and I always spoke to the bmom & bdad. I always knew what was going on in their lives, and I updated them on what was happening with the kids.

[Sissy22]

it depends on the situation with M i have to transport and her parents both talk to me some of our past placements have been different i usually try to be as friendly and non judgemental as i can be !

[KelleyF]

Originally Posted by vegaschristina

When my kids had visits, I always transported and I always spoke to the bmom & bdad. I always knew what was going on in their lives, and I updated them on what was happening with the kids.

That must be hard because I'm sure there are some things that they tell you that may cause you concern. Then you have to decide what to report to the cw without losing the biofamilies trust. Ever come across a situation like that?

[Mama Julie]

If you report anything that you see with the bioparents, then the social worker is obligated to talk to them about it (to give bioparent a chance to make an improvement.) So, I would just use my judgement... if it's something really unsafe that you see in the bioparent's home, then you are mandated to report it. If you notice something that isn't good but isn't really a safety issue, maybe you can let it slide. Or you could ask the bioparent about it and just say your opinion and that you don't want to report it, but offer them a solution to make an improvement.
I was foster parent to a girl who had many siblings (the sibs were split up). The other foster parent reported EVERYTHING about the biomom to social workers, and after a while, social workers became fed up with the long emails, and biomom really hated the foster parent. So, in my experience, it helps to be selective when "tattling" on bioparents.

[lynnae1111]

I always transport and talk to parents - I think it has pros and cons. I think it is good for the parents to feel connected to the person that is caring for their child and not have to get all their information 2nd hand. It also helps them not see me as the enemy. It has helped me be more sympathetic towards them as well. However, now that we are facing TPR and adoption - I feel like I am the one taking their child away. The Social Worker pretty much makes it sound like all contact is up to me - so it is hard when you see first hand the implications for all involved.

[vegaschristina]

Actually, I reported everything, and the bmom knew it. I told when the bmom shared she was shoplifting stuff and selling it to get money for food. After the case worker confronted her on it, she then told me that they were just shoplifting food, since the CW didn't like that they were stealing/selling stuff. My kids' bmom is VERY immature and I don't know that she ever connected that I was telling the CW what she told me.

[arubagirl]

When she first started her visits I drove her back and forth and went in with her as she never wated to go and would cry the whole time, cling to me, etc. ... now DYFAS transports her. I have met B mom a few times, .

[stevenstwin]

We were required to transport, but not allowed to speak to the bios. Very awkward and uncomfortable. The idea was to bring the child/children to the visit location and drop them off with the visit supervisor before the bio parents arrived, and then pick them up after the bios left. It was never really explained WHY they wanted us to have no contact, but I THINK it was because the bios didn't want to have to deal with foster parents. You can imagine how it then felt at the TPR trial to be sitting literally on the same bench as these poeple, just a few feet away, outside of the court room for a couple of hours without ever having spoken to them. (LOL - and it didn't help that one of the lawyers mistook me for "dad's" new girlfriend, either!!). We had the 14 year old, but the foster parents of the 2 and 3 year olds did not come to visits - they were given a driver - and did not come to the TPR trial. I was required to do both - not sure why the difference.

[Yash]

I transported a few times with my daughters and my foster daughter, but never with my son.

[greenrobin]

Although there are always exceptions, we're usually the ones to transport to visits. Because of safety issues, Queenie and I were met at the secure entrance for the handoff. With Mermaid, Honey, Little Man and Banana, we brought the kids in, had a few moments to talk to the HUGE bio family that showed up (think 15 or so!) and then left. With Bubba and Sissy, when we had visits, they were in a fast food restaurant, so we took the kids and met the cw and mom, grandpa and great grandma. It was fine. They have big issues, but they are likeable. I know. That kind of surprises me, too!

There are 2 awkward parts. The first is when the biomom asks us if she can _________. We just smile and tell her to make the decision. The second is the goodbye. At the first visit, Bubba thought he was going home. He waved goodbye to me and tried to shoo me out the door. I felt so bad for him! But, over time they learned that they go to see mama and come home with mommy.

[Robbin]

When we were with the county, they were implementing a program called "Family to Family". If the bio parents were at all able, we supervised all visits and (at our comfort) had them to our homes and included them in our activities. We did do that with several families, but did not with a couple b/c they had major MH issues. We started out with visits in the office, then visits at McDonalds playlands (b/c there were people there), then parks, family outings, church activities, dinner at our house. We were able to mentor the parents in some cases. We were able to redirect inappropriate conversations, "I don't think you should be sharing with Johnny your financial/love life/insurance/housing/domestic violence/addiction problems... You should contact the caseworker to discuss that with them." We sent a mother home one time b/c she had alcohol on her breath. We sent the same mother away one time when she came to our door after being beat up by her boyfriend (an ongoing issue of hers) saying you need to keep that away from our house, we will not be involved in that.

We used all of these times as learning opportunities for foster kids by saying, there are certain ways parents need to behave in order for kids to be healthy and she has to learn that in order for RU. This will help her learn to be a better parent. We know that she loves you, but has to deal with her personal issues in order to be a better parent.

I always started the relationship out by telling the bios that I was obligated to report anything that they told me, or that I observed, to the caseworkers. So if there was anything that you don't want the caseworker to know, don't tell me or don't do it in front of me.

I tried to establish a relationship with each bio by being as non-threatening as possible. Each parent, no matter what their mistakes, or how screwed up they were, loved their child in their own way. I tried to build on that.

[quiescentfury]

We transport. It has been pretty good. Mom does not tell us anything really personal that we would have to tattle. She has always been really nice and always thanked us for taking care of her kids.

My husband had to transport the kids to a coupl evisits because I was to upset to. The kids also have a phone calls. One call was really bad and disturbing. Mom denied the call and made the girls feel crazy. I could not go to the visit and see her becuase I was so angry that she made the girls feel crazy. I didnot want the girls to see that I was upset with their mom, so Dh transported until I was calm enough to talk normally to her. That is wheere a transporter would have really helped.

[KelleyF]

Robbin,
That sounds like a great concept, but it seems like the bp would feel some serious resentment toward you for it. I'm wondering if that plan would work better if it was implemented by someone other than the fp of that particular bf.