[SAHmom]

Unfortunately, our 'only' choice did not work out how we had hoped. The SW/agency made many mistakes...the major was not informing the various fosterhomes of our son's behaviors/issues. I would get a call that the f/parents caught him with drugs...um, you think?! Or that he was sneaking out at night...gee! didn't see THAT one coming! The SW even made plans to place our son in a home with a 3 year old child. We asked that we get to talk with the f/parents prior to the placing and had the SUPERVISOR okay to do it...the placement fail prior to placement as the couple were having trouble {the mom said that *if* our son moved in, she would move out - smart woman!}. Son had threatened to kill others, etc...there is more, but you get the general idea.

Anyhow, sorry so lengthy, but keep in mind that the SW/agency, nor the child, doesn't *always* give you the full story. In fact, the SW told me that *if* he told the f/homes ALL of son's behaviors, he would have NO homes that would take him!!!!

P.S. We regain our parental rights, but I am sure that if it were up to the SW/agency and we didn't have a GREAT attorney, we would have a fight on our hands. I have gone up the chain of command many times with the inadequate handling of our son's case.

[SAHmom]

I accidently posted twice...sorry!

[lucyjoy]

There are states that that require parents to release custody or their adopted child to get treatment. After treatment, the child is then placed into foster care. I, thankfully, live in a state that allows the parents to retain custody while the child is in a treatment center and the child can return home.

There are lots of reasons and seldom would I believe the parent just didn't feel like parenting. I believe there case workers tell the foster parents that, though.

[hrisme]

My social worker worked primarily with teens & had experience with several mental health facilities. In fact, she ran groups for teen adoptees in many of the facilities. It was not at all uncommon for up to half of the residents to be adoptees, which is surprising considering the number of adoptees is such a small portion of the population (she had stats, I don't have them though).

I was adopted at birth, and my parents would have been very justified in sending me to an RTC. Of course, it probably would have ruined our relationship--but looking back I'm not sure how they made it through some of the harder times.

I know it's not a popular view point & I don't agree with the whole "all adoptees have abandonment issues" theory, but I think it's important to recognize the impact that an early separation has on the child, even if there were no other traumatic events. Some adoptees do have major grief & loss issues, even if they were an infant when adopted.

[vernellinnj]

Originally Posted by hrisme

I was adopted at birth, and my parents would have been very justified in sending me to an RTC. Of course, it probably would have ruined our relationship--but looking back I'm not sure how they made it through some of the harder times.

I know it's not a popular view point & I don't agree with the whole "all adoptees have abandonment issues" theory, but I think it's important to recognize the impact that an early separation has on the child, even if there were no other traumatic events. Some adoptees do have major grief & loss issues, even if they were an infant when adopted.

If you don't mind me asking, did your parents have an open adoption with your birthfamily? If not, do you think it would have helped you?

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by vernellinnj

If you don't mind me asking, did your parents have an open adoption with your birthfamily? If not, do you think it would have helped you?

Thanks for asking this question, V. We adopted our lil guy to keep him within the family although bparents will never be able to care for him. I hope that decision will help him when he is an adult.