[mama-2-3]

This morning was the last straw. My 3 year old son was stabbed in the face with a pencil with such tremendous force that lead was imbedded in his skin and I had to take him to urgent care to have the pieces removed and the hole cleaned out and closed. The doctor said if the pencil was a fraction of an inch down, he would have lost his eye. I thought I was keeping such close tabs on them. After the two bloddy noses and biting matches, I have been using baby gates and keeping everyone within my line of sight (so I thought) at every moment. I was distracted while on the phone with a friend when the incident occurred.
90% of the time these boys are normal (even "good"). When they are upset though, they are punching walls, people, each other, etc. Now with the pencil stabbing, I am just done! I am feeling so guilty though. I know I could reach these boys if they stayed longer, I just can't risk it. I put in my "30-day-notice" on these boys, but expressed to the SW that I would rather not wait that long as the safety of my young children is at risk here. I sure hope she finds somewhere else for these boys fast (hopefully a home without other little kids).

[ranoutofnames]

Wow... I'm sure that was a tough situation when it happened. I've had to make a similar removal request (biting to where my daughter's face bled from the bite). It's never an easy call to make, even when you know it the right thing to do.

[Sam-N-Tony]

((((((hugs)))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that, you definately have to put the children in your home prior to this first. Tell the CW to move them ASAP, because this time it was a pencil next time it'll be worse, it seems like their behaviors are escalating.

Hang in there, you did the right thing.

[GaViolet]

I have been feeling the same way, I had to disrupt last week. Just know you did whats right for your family and you will get through it .

[JessicaBaker]

Just gave my first 30 day notice yesterday. It's a very different situation, but some of the feelings are similar in that you just wish it could have worked out differently.

Hopefully they will be honest with the boys' next foster parents about the severity of the behaviors! Sorry your family had to go through that.

[linda512]

I can imagine you feel guilty, but you are doing what is right for your family. Also, if your fs ends up doing real damage to one of your children, that will ultimately hurt his chances of healing as well.
Good luck.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by mama-2-3

This morning was the last straw. My 3 year old son was stabbed in the face with a pencil with such tremendous force that lead was imbedded in his skin and I had to take him to urgent care to have the pieces removed and the hole cleaned out and closed. The doctor said if the pencil was a fraction of an inch down, he would have lost his eye. I thought I was keeping such close tabs on them. After the two bloddy noses and biting matches, I have been using baby gates and keeping everyone within my line of sight (so I thought) at every moment. I was distracted while on the phone with a friend when the incident occurred.
90% of the time these boys are normal (even "good"). When they are upset though, they are punching walls, people, each other, etc. Now with the pencil stabbing, I am just done! I am feeling so guilty though. I know I could reach these boys if they stayed longer, I just can't risk it. I put in my "30-day-notice" on these boys, but expressed to the SW that I would rather not wait that long as the safety of my young children is at risk here. I sure hope she finds somewhere else for these boys fast (hopefully a home without other little kids).

You are making the right decision. This is not the right place for these little ones and the sooner they ARE in the right place, the better for them and your family.

[Ethans_Mom]

I really feel for you and what you are going through right now. It sounds like you made the right choice for everyone involved though.


I've seen this quite a bit as I've been reading the boards. Are occurences like this usually with older kids? Our son is 3 1/2 and we will not take a child older than him as our goal is to adopt and keep birth order 'intact', so I'm hoping that this won't be an issue for us. Do you see violent acting out like this with the under 3 set?

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

I know I posted on your other thread...but I followed you here. LOL

I think I would call back and change that to a week. Thirty days is a LONG time. You cannot have your child traumatized by being a member of a foster family. Do not feel guilty.

[mama-2-3]

"30 day notice" is all the agency has to offer; however, I have expressed my concerns to the SW, telling her that I have a responsibility to MY children first and that she needs to be on the horn looking for placement for these kids. We can't wait thirty days. There was another incident last night when one of the boys was in time-out. He was upset and threw a metal Matchbox car (which I didn't know he had in his hand) and it hit my 3-year-old in the head which created a goose egg and even drew a little blood. My son was crying so hard he could hardly catch his breath. I gave all the kids baths early last night and then put everyone to bed just so I could have a break from running this "baby gate prison" my home has become. I had my 3-year-old sleep in my bed last night and my other little one sleep in my older daughter's room... just in case. These boys don't have a great schedule and I have found them wandering around the house in the middle of the night on occasion. Usually they are just sneaking a snack or playing, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

Ethans_Mom - I really don't know that much about violence issues as this is the first time I have experienced such major issues, so I couldn't answer your question for certain. I can tell you that my 3 year-old foster son can be quite mean to my 3-year old son and my 3-year-old son is quite a bit bigger that my FS.

[buttascotchbaby]

I agree with the PP, they need to be moved WAY before 30 days! If every day (from what you have said, it sems to be) your children are being hurt and traumatized, they need to be moved to a different home.

I hate to sound too harsh, but that is not acceptable. I am sure that there are emergency shelters that they could be moved to in a worst case scenario.

Because... 30 more days of what you have been going through? It sounds terrible for all of you! Good luck and prayers to all of you.

[jbee]

i agree, stabbed with a pencil and hit in the head the next...what's going to be the injury of the day? i hope they get the little ones out soon, somewhere without other little kids.

[Mama Julie]

To answer the question regarding aggression in children younger than 3... yes it can happen, although the good news is, it might be much easier to correct. We had a toddler girl (age 11 months when she came to us). She would hit other kids on the head with toys, instead of playing with the toys! But it didn't take her long to learn how to PLAY with toys. It was because she was used to seeing complete chaos in her birthhome.... 6 older brothers left unsupervised most of the time. The conditions that come to light are just unbelieveable sometimes... no wonder some kids are so aggressive. I agree with above posters, you need to protect your little ones first!!! Good idea keeping them protected at night too! I hope they find a home for the boys very quickly, one without little kids or pets.
Julie

[sethsmommy]

I am so sorry you are going through this!


It does make me question our placement though. The 2 year old bites, scratches, hits....he is the youngest of the bunch. The almost 4 year old will try to hit us when we are carrying him to time out. This is not constant but is this considered major aggression too? Our goal is adoption wit them.

[michsm]

I'm sending my hugs too!

I just disrupted my placement a few days ago. I couldn't imagine going through what you are going through through, having your children in such a position. Don't feel guilty about doing what you need to do to protect your family. I was feeling hoorrible when I made the call and told them I was not taking my fd back into my home. The next day I spoke to two of the CW and they told me not to worry about it. They told me I had put up with more than anyone else had. They made me feel like they had been expecting my call. I wish you could be getting that kind of support instead of the 30 day notice response.

I don't understand why you are required to give a 30 day notice. Your children should not have to endure such abuse at the hands of other children. You would think the agency would have them moved asap. I would think there would be huge liability issues for them in this situation. They are aware your children are being abused yet the same agency put in place to make sure children are safe is turning a blind eye. If it were your children doing this to the foster children they would be moved asap.

I hope you can have them moved from your home quickly. I know it sounds harsh but if they are not taking the move seriously I would go drop them off at the agency. You have to keep your kids safe. 30 days of this type of behavior (I'm sure only to get worse) is going to cause some lasting effects on your own children.

Sending more hugs and prayers!!!