[marigold]

I have had my baby since 12/06 when he was four months old. This was not a termination case mom had few issues and even less barriers in her way, however she did npt want to try and I truly felt she had no real bond with him (gave him to a gaurdian at 2m, taken from both at 4m) and that is why. We are finnaly going to termination on the 23 of July. Her family support worker (not case worker) talked to her about surrendering to me. She claimed she didn't relize that they wouldn't keep giving her chances and didn't relize this could be the end. She asked to talk to me on the phone before she would surrender. In my PRIDE class we were told that if we "promise" anything (including visits) to a bio in return for their child that they would have legal grounds to appeal the case. So what do I do? I don't want her to think that I am not interested in talking to her, but I also don't want to lose a chance with my son. She isn't a bad person just a foster kid grown up without the skills she needed, I would love to keep her in his life. Sorry if this is a bit jumpy, my thoughts have been jumpy all day!

[vernellinnj]

Originally Posted by marigold

In my PRIDE class we were told that if we "promise" anything (including visits) to a bio in return for their child that they would have legal grounds to appeal the case.

If this was specifically covered in your class, take it to heart and be cautious about what you say. May even want to ask if someone else can be present to validate what was said. In NJ, open adoptions are not legally binding (though I think they are morally binding).

[sethsmommy]

Make promises to no one. If you get him, you can let time be the guide in how much and what kind of contact the child will have. We just always said we will do whatever is the very best for the kids. That was kind of our pat answer. I hope it works out for you!

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Definitely have a third party (the child's therapist, peditrician, GAL, CASA worker, etc) present for this discussion so that nothing can misconstrued or turned around on you later.

Kim

[ranoutofnames]

You'd almost think you were describing my A3's case! Her mom was also a foster kid (although not at the time A3 was born). A3 was removed at 3wks, placed back with mom at 2mo, then she voluntarily turned her over at 3mo. She was placed with me Nov '06... when she was 4mo old.

Last year at this very time the mom discussed voluntarily surrendering. She called me on the phone out of the blue to discuss it. I was floored. Luckily the CASA was on the phone with her.

It turned out in my case it seemed to have been a ploy. She used the "I'm considering surrender" to buy a little extra time at her court hearing the following week. The courts gave 4months to come back and then during that time she said she changed her mind and put a little effort toward RU.

Since last year there have been a lot of ups and downs with the case. Last month we were up... now we are definitely down.

I would suggest having the discussion in-house (not over the phone) and having another person there that is familiar with the case.

I wouldn't promise anything except that you will never speak ill of the parents, you'll love the child unconditionally, and will always do what you feel is in the best interest of the child. It doesn't promise anything that you aren't in a position to uphold or anything the courts wouldn't expect.

Like I said... weird how our cases almost sound identical.

[marigold]

Well mom was a no-show for both court and visit on thursday so I guess she wasn't really ready to come surrender. Though I think now that she has made that decision she will surrender the old fasion way and just not come back. We go to court in less than 3 weeks for the real (NO MORE PRETRIALS!!!) termination. THe states atty told me that it didn't matter whether or not she surrendered because there was no case to be made for her side. So even though I wish she would come back so I could get some life information and pictures, at least A will be free soon. It is hard though to know how much I would do for him and sad to know that his own mom didn't know how.

[marigold]

How Bizarre!!! Our cases could be mirrors! We too have had a lot of ploys right before courts but no real progress toward ru for her.