[Kristin7]

I had a meeting earlier this week with the cw and the behavioral worker for the girls.

We discussed the phone call issue and why I didn't want phone calls......due to the girls already problematic behaviors with contact with bio mom. I show the cw my bruises from the latest tantrum the 8year old threw and told her I coudln't handle any more behaviors. and that phone contact would surely bring about more problems.

And now the baby(2yrs) is getting aggressive and hitting and pulling hair and kicking the pets and stepping on toes on purpose etc. And what is the cw going to allow......the sexual abuser father to have visits (though supervised) with the baby alone....because he is asking for them. Forget the fact that the case has been in fc for 2 1/2 years and he has never expressed interest in seeing baby and hasn't done a thing on his plan. WHY?

So.....i am thinking of tellling the cw that if this is allowed that they are going to have to find other placements for these children...as i can't keep allowing myself to be beaten up and physically injured due to behavoirs that are coming from contact with unhealthy bios. Its not in the girls' best interests. But since bios want it...they will probably get it.

TPR is in a month....why even consider allowing more contact and different types of contact at this point when they are actually decreasing visits with mom and eliminiating visits with baby/mom altogether.

I of course don't want the girls to go anywhere...but the stress of the behaviors as they are today is bad enough....i can't handle more behaviors from additional contact.

Do you think the fc agency would take me seriously and maybe not allow it if they know I am so close to walking away? or would they not even care and just move them?

Thanks

[tvs4]

I think is a time when the law might be on your side. Safe Families Act (passed in the 90s) stated that children must be placed with family - whenever possible - if their parents can't parent. But that didn't mean that family members were supposed to be used, abused and left out to dry. So, the CWs are supposed to try to make this placement of the girls with you work b/c you are family. Might want to use that to help you. If you say, according to the law, the children are supposed to be placed with family and you need to help me make this work...

Do the parents have visits that are court ordered or is the CW just making the decisions? if the court has ordered a certain number of visits (as outlined in the case plan) then I think the CW has to do their very best to make sure the visits happen. If however, the CWs are just deciding on a visit schedule then I think that you have a better argument to stop the visits/calls. I would hope that the therapist's recommendation would hold some sway with the CWs and the children's lawyer and the lawyer could help you work to get the visits cancelled or changed.

I hope it gets worked out soon.

[Susshy]

I think I would have to try and hold on for the next month to see if indeed TPR happens. I would also question why visits are being started for the biodad with the 2 yr old when visits with the mom have been stopped.

I know a month can be a long time but it is not in the whole scheme of things.

I would just flat out ask what the reasoning behind it all it all is!!! At this point they are not going to yank the girls from you for making waves.

I would however be very leary of trying to bluff them about moving the girls. They could use that against you and do it.

Lastly, the 8yr old needs to realize that she can not destory things and hurt others including pets. Can't believe the therapist have not got a better grip on that behavior.

[Hadley2]

Oh, Kristin, my heart goes out to you. IDK why ss agencies want to give visitation right up until TPR, but it seems many do. Ours even allowed visits between TPR and the mother's appeal. It doesn't seem to matter what the law says they are/are not obligated to do at that point, they are always afraid of the defense attorneys.

The GAL could, if she/he believed in the danger strongly enough, petition the court to order an end to visits. The GAL does NOT work for ss--although some behave as if they do--the GAL is employed by the court and represents the child, not the state or the family. The GAL is independent of social services. You and the therapist could plead your case there. Our GAL pressured ss on several points, and it really moved things for our girl.

Hang in there if you see a future with these girls. You have given them so much, if it is in your heart and mind to raise them, there may be ways to get through 30 days...surely you are due a week of respite by now, or you could use it on the weekends. With summer here, you/the girls could splurge a little and spend a lot of days out and about in public at your local watering hole--playing, happy children have less time to act out and less energy for it at the end of the day, too. IDK, sometimes I have to take a page from the 12-steppers and do it one day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time. If you feel there is a future beyond this line, it would be worth it.

Good luck, and good thoughts going out to you.