[embuck]

For those of you who's full intention to foster to adopt is adoption have you considered or have you already thrown or had someone throw you a placement party? Or how does that work? Do you have a get together every placement? Or do you throw a party before placement just for a general kind of license approval party or do you wait until adoption is finalized to have a party? My family is now inquiring and I don't really know what is norm or appropriate. lol


Please tell your stories or ideas.

Thanks!

[OakShannon]

Well, in our case we had a lot of family and friends anxiously waiting with us while we were in matching. We have several friends in our circle who have done fost-adopt, so everyone knows how it is - Daniel is our foster son and while his case is legally low risk (there are no birth family visits and no one with a caseplan) still there is always some risk until the adoption is finalized. But everyone was happy for us and wanted to welcome Daniel, so some friends did throw a party and we had a wonderful gathering to welcome Daniel. Now, we have a lot of friends to share good news with (He's sitting on his own now!!) and our anxieties when we worry about how things will go from here. I appreciate the support and good wishes. So I think it's fine as long as everyone is very clear about the fact that:
A: This is your foster child, not adopted yet. and
B: There is still a long way to go before you can be sure he/she will be a permanent member of your family.

[mommy2fiveplus]

We have other children (bios and adopted) so I am not sure how it works with "firsties" but for us we just throw a picnic (spring summer fall) the afternoon after finalization or if winter we have a dinner party at the house. Since we already had bios we didn't really need a shower with gifts and all (we come from the school of thought that you have a shower with the first and that is it). We mostly just wanted to celebrate with friends and family so a big meal works for us.

[stevenstwin]

I think any way that feels good to YOU would work. I like the idea of a party upon licensing, because you may get useful gifts you can use for any placement. My fear about a placement-specific party before adoption is how terrible you and everyone else might end up feeling if it doesn't work out and the child goes home. Also, I'd caution you about any party that includes the CHILD, if is an older one. I don't know if that is what you are thinking at all, but I'd say to keep the reason for any such party pretty low key to the child. I've seen too many parents want to "celebrate" adoption, which is a 100% happy occasion to US - and then be quite hurt that the child isn't enthusiastic, not taking into account that it might feel more like a funeral to them.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Also, consider that attending a party where everyone in attendance is a virtual stranger is not much of a party for a young one who may be traumatized by the recent move into your home. So if you have a party, please wait until the child has gotten more comfortable in your home and after some of the guests have come by separately to "introduce" themselves. That way it feels more like a party. I liken it to your brand new boyfriend taking you to a party thrown by friends in your honor but you know no one and barely know him. VERY uncomfortable and you feel a lot of pressure.

So, I agree with Steventwin that it be a licensing party to celebrate your journey and a range of gifts (if that type of party) would come in handy.

Kim

[Mkuhlmann06]

My suggestion would be to have either (or both) a licensed party and then a finalization party. I don't think a placement party is a good idea, as with foster care things are so unpredictable. Definitely a finalization party when you adopt... as for the licensed party, this may be a good way for you to get gift cards or other generic kid stuff. Stock up on things that would be in your age range good for good or boy, etc. Then keep gift cards until you have a placement this way you can use that to buy specific stuff needed when placed (prevent a huge cost to you).

Good luck!

[TAC]

depends on the age of the child and other factor affecting him or her. I would suggest a "party" after finalization and the child knows your family.

Our situation was unique in that the 8 mos. sibling was living with us when her 4 1/2 year old sister moved from another foster home to ours. She had already met my mom and some neighbors down the block. Instead of a big party, we simply had a welcome ..... get together with cake and tiaras for her and the neighbors close to her age, but kept it short. Too much stimulation is not necessarily a positive, particularly in our foster daughter's case.

Pat

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by embuck

For those of you who's full intention to foster to adopt is adoption have you considered or have you already thrown or had someone throw you a placement party? Or how does that work? Do you have a get together every placement? Or do you throw a party before placement just for a general kind of license approval party or do you wait until adoption is finalized to have a party? My family is now inquiring and I don't really know what is norm or appropriate. lol


Please tell your stories or ideas.

Thanks!

I'm a foster/adopt parent. I was placed with a newborn girl as foster/adopt. The child was the youngest of 6. All other siblings were adopted, in foster/adopt homes or with relatives. Bio parents had drug habits and all other relative home searches were exhausted and they were looking for a foster/adopt family. This is how it is for MANY foster/adopt parents. And like many foster/adopt placements, mine went to a paternal bio relative 4 months later. It happens a LOT. The caseworkers believe that the baby will eventually go to adoption but a bio family member appears and the judge orders the baby to be moved.

Since that time, I've had one other foster/adopt infant placement and she, too, was going to TPR. This baby had no family to take her. None at all. Again, it was looking like adoption. However, in this case, the judge sent the baby to live with a siblings' godmother after 2 months.

You may have 5 or 6 placements BEFORE you get one you can adopt. Have a party to celebrate being a foster mom. But please don't celebrate having a child because nearly ALL the children you foster to adopt will be leaving. It's really hard for family and friends to understand what foster/adopt means. They may believe this party is to celebrate a child you will be adopting.

After a child comes, maybe have a cookout? Let your family and friends meet the child and say "hello". But I wouldn't do presents & cakes-as others said, it's not really a happy occasion to be removed from your home and placed in foster care .

[embuck]

I guess I should have stated my age range is boy or girl 0-3 and open to siblings up to two. So in our case they will not be older.

Perhaps I like the idea of the license party but don't know how to address to people hey i want to throw a party because we might not ever had kids of our own and i would like some sort of baby shower to give me some gift cards! lol its kind of different with you are trying to adopt and even more so thru cps. we are doing straight adoption or legal risk placements only so.....i know the chances of going back are still there with legal risk but not as much so with us having to go thru alot of placements before adoption. I live in Houston Texas and there are tons of kids in need of homes so i believe and have hope it wont be long until we find our child.

so anyways i would never throw a party with each placement like that of a baby shower. it would mostly just be a bbq get together if anything and deff a huge one at adoption. of course depending on the child at that time. but with my ages, what 3 year old doesn't want a party?

[ranoutofnames]

We never held a party before adoption, but at adoption we sent out announcements and invited everyone to a get together. It was mostly family we invited so they could officially welcome the child into the family... and I personally love the judge's eyes when 50 family members come into the court room to support a foster child joining the family.

We've had over 100 foster children, many short-term where they were with us a few day or months while relatives were explored and then the child placed with them. We've adopted every child that became available while placed with us (which adds up to 2).

What I found was that when the first few placements came we had family/friends donate a lot of their hand-me-down items (cribs, mattresses, strollers, mobiles, toys, and of course clothes.) There were also some new items, mostly things like toys and a few clothes. I was ok with this, much more so than having a party where anyone invited felt pressured to buy me something to support my foster/adopt decision.

[embuck]

I love the idea of hand me downs. But as a matter of fact I have already gotten alot from family and friends. lol I was totally on top of this when getting the children rooms together. It makes it kind of hard to ask for anything more now because BOTH my sisters are pregnant!

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Originally Posted by embuck

what 3 year old doesn't want a party?

One that just got taken away from his/her mommy and is afraid of strangers....much less 50 of them.

Kim

[embuck]

I was just kidding.
Thanks for your comment though.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by xxsurroundedbyxy

One that just got taken away from his/her mommy and is afraid of strangers....much less 50 of them.

Kim

I agree. Of all my kids, none were in the mood to celebrate. Most spend the first few days crying-and then move into a depression as they realise they aren't going home. It's really horrible for them and it's a huge adjustment. It's better to limit "parties" until after they adjust to their placement.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

I agree. Of all my kids, none were in the mood to celebrate. Most spend the first few days crying-and then move into a depression as they realise they aren't going home. It's really horrible for them and it's a huge adjustment. It's better to limit "parties" until after they adjust to their placement.

Thank you for that statement above. While I understand the foster family is delighted to have a child to care for, what everyone is really celebrating is that this child's life has blown apart, celebrating that this child's parents are dysfunctional or otherwise unable to care for this child. Why would anyone want to celebrate that?

A family that has finalized adoption is a reason to celebrate--it is a family birthday.