[MsRoberts]

What do you do if the child you are fostering is a different religion as you or if that child as never been to church?

What happens if the birthparents request that the child not be taken to church?

Can you leave the child at a church activity such as vacation bible school without you being present?

Just wondering....

[Pixels]

Originally Posted by MsRoberts

What do you do if the child you are fostering is a different religion as you or if that child as never been to church?

What happens if the birthparents request that the child not be taken to church?

Can you leave the child at a church activity such as vacation bible school without you being present?

Just wondering....

This has been a point of discussion with my husband and I once we started to look into foster care, as we are non-religious and do not attend church.

My personal belief is that I have no right to foist my belief (or lack of belief, to be more accurate) onto another person. I am fostering, I do not have the right to make religious decisions for that child.

I would bring that child to a church if that is what his family's tradition was. I would try to find a church in the proper denomination and if for some odd reason I could not, I would find something else.

Now, were I to adopt, I would raise the child as my own and make different decisions. If the child was older and already set in a religion, I would bring them to church, and I would enjoy it, even if I didn't believe or agree with it.

[meshsgrl]

I work with a christian agency. church is considered a family activity. The kids are a part of any family activities.
I take my k-4 kids to a kids church, that they enjoy all enjoy. the younger ones go to church with me.... today was the first time with my very talkative, active 2 yr old. He did exceptionally well!
The agancy does need cleareances from the person in charge of the kids church!
I havent encountered any kids that have been to church so am not sure what I would do with kids that have a different religion.

[greenrobin]

I also work with a Christian agency that sees worship as a family activity. We take our fc to church with us because that's where we all go on Wednesdays and Sundays every week. What we were told about the different religion issue was this: the foster family should make an effort to take the child to whatever house of faith they would worship in if they were home whenever possible. So, we'd be splitting the worship time, sometimes at our home church, sometimes at a church/synagogue/mosque/temple of their faith. Everyone has a right to worship or not as they see fit.

[teachbear]

I looked in our state foster parent manual for what they say about religion. So here it is: It is important that children be provided opportunities for moral ad spiritual development. However, this should not conflict with the preferences of older children, particulary when there is a significan phiosophical differnce in religous beliefs, or with birth parents when rights have not been terminated. This can be a very delicate area, and should be discussed with the case manager."

[Robbin]

and really, if you go to church, are you supposed to find and pay for alternate child care if the bio parents don't want them to go? One of the agencies we looked into said, most teenagers don't want to go to church anyway, but you do not, as a foster parent, have to let them stay home. Our church is really our other family. I do not know what we would do if we did not have them. There more than several other foster/adopt families in our church that are wonderful supports. I would think that the kids would only benefit b/c they could also find emotional/spiritual support there.

[Hadley2]

Choice of religious affiliation is a parental right under the law and it cannot be denied while parental rights are intact even if the right of custody has been suspended (not terminated) by a court.

I would absolutely honor and respect the parents' wishes in the matter of a child under age 16 and the child's wishes 16 and up with the exception of going to a place of worship that promotes illegal, violent, or hateful activities.

Before TPR, our fd/niece attended church with us with her parents' permission. She still attends post-TPR and going into adoption and will be dedicated there post-adoption.

FD's mother is Christian and wanted her to have some exposure to that as well so we joined a local Christian church activity for a year. My biod went, too. Additionally our RE curriculum covers the Abrahamic faiths' histories, belief systems, and traditions.

I would never, ever, take any child to any religious event or service without permission. Yes, absolutely I would get a babysitter to accommodate that if necessary. If a preference for a particular religion was stated--and I would do what I could to be sure the parent had been asked--I would also either take the child myself if possible or find a cleared and responsible member of that church community to transport and sponsor the child there.

I know many people say "what's the harm? Church is good for you" and they mean well, but not all churches are the same and some churches do harm children in some ways in some people's views. Most people do not see their own church as potentially harmful, but they need to accept the fact that others might and that needs to be respected whether or not they agree. If someone took my biod to a church I did not or would not choose--especially if she were younger--I would be furious.

Freedom of religion is such a fundamental right and responsibility, I do not think it can be dismissed when a child is entrusted to us. On the contrary, I think more focus should be put on giving the family the opportunity to think about and follow through on establishing themselves in a supportive spiritual community in which they feel comfortable if that is their choice. They shouldn't be pushed in any way, but if done constitutionally, certainly some education--as they would get on any community resources--on the benefits of such a community and the choices that are out there beyond what they may already be familiar with could be appropriate.

[CaddoRose]

We take ours with us to church. During training we were told that one of the most important purposes of fostering is to expose the children to a family life that is not dis-functional. The children have been taken from their bio family because the family was disfunctional, be that drug use, abuse, neglect, etc...as such, they lose some of their rights.

They can't pick the type of foster family their child will go to and by extension, they can not pick a religious family or not. The other side of this would be a bio family that was very religious and the child went to a fmaily that wasn't. They could not make the family take the child to church. It is possible they could petition the court to have the child moved to a family that was of the same religion. (Has anybody had this happen? )

Church is part of our family life and therefore we take them with us. We only have foster children under 10 and it hasn't been an issue. Aside from the religious portion of church, a great deal of what goes on there is social and that aspect is a positive for our foster children. They get to interact with other children and adults in a place other than school that allows them to experience a positive envirnoment and hopefully learn some more social interaction skills, as many lack these types of experiences.

[diane beth]

When we signed up to be fp we told the cw that we would not be able to provide another church for a child. Chuch attendance is a must in our home. We cannot provide child care or rides to other churches. We fully explained to the agency before hand to not place children in our home that cannot come with us. Fostering is very busy and takes up almost all of our time. We simply need our Sundays to be peaceful. Also this is our life. We are opening our home to volunteer to help these little ones. I feel that this is too much for foster families. When they make these rules I do not feel that they are thinking of the burden that they are putting on us. I understand that the bio families may have issues with this, and is not easy for them if the fp believe something totally different.
If a child is of another christian denomination we would make an effort to explain the differences to them and not force them to switch. So far this has not been a problem. Our little 6yr old girl that we got 10 days ago has never attended any church and comes from a very scary background. All the rest of our littles have been babies.
I agree with the one who said that church family is more support for these little ones. Our friends at church have been so supportive to these little ones. Everyone has welcomed them with open arms and some have asked if they could be of help to the bio families as well.

[bethy724]

I asked my foster/adopt sons bio mom to take him to church (he was an infant)

It was my understanding from PRIDE classes (4 years ago-maybe things have changed) that you agree to honor the fc religion & you can not take them to your place of worship w/ out the bio's permission. If you don't want to honor that childs religion don't take them in your home. When they were farming out the FDLS children I knew I wouldn't take one because I can't in good concience respect the religion. I also wouldn't take a child of a religion that has special dietary needs (Muslum & Jewish - no pork) I don't make 2 dinners in my house. We as foster parents have the right to just say no to a phone call where we won't respect the religious guidelines presented in training. (again my training was 4 years ago)

[onhazier]

DH and I identify as Christian though we do not currently belong to a church and rarely attend. (Too many reasons to explain here.) We have stated that we are open to children of other faiths. The reality is that I would most likely be the one to take the child to worship services if the child was not Christian. Within walking distance of our home, we have the following communities of worship: Baha'i, Catholic, Episcopalian, Methodist, and Muslim. Within a very short drive, I could find any other that I might need. Our community is very diverse and I wouldn't be surprised if we need to make these accommodations.

Knowing this, we've discussed and decided that if we are placed with a child who needs to attend services with a community we're not a part of, we'd first make contact with the head of the community for guidance. So, if we're placed with a Muslim child, I'd call the local Imam. I've already researched the local mosque and know that everyone worships in the same room and there is no division by gender. This simplifies things if I have to take a fs there. If the child is Druz, I'd just call my previous babysitter who is Druz for direction. I know where the local Buddhist temple is and how to contact them. However, I just realized that I don't know where the local synagogue or Hindu temple are. I'll have to look that up.

As far as making dietary adjustments based off a child's religious beliefs, we'd have no problem cooking some turkey bacon for the child instead of pork bacon or serving beef or chicken hot dogs instead of regular ones. I make allowances for folks personal food preferences and health-related dietary restrictions. So, I see no reason to not do the same for faith based dietary restrictions.

In all honesty, we think there is a lot we can learn from each other.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Like Caddo we take children to church with us. We do not live in a diverse community and there are few differences between the beliefs in the churches in our community....they are all Christian faith. If it was a big deal, the child would need to be moved to a family that was of their faith. We already give up so much of our time, energy, etc. and we NEED the support of our church to do what we do.
Kim

[hrisme]

I'm not a foster parent, but do respite for foster parents. All of them have taken their foster children to church services. I'm not sure if the children's families are of the same religion or not. I do know of one family who fostered teens, they required the teens to go to church with them but did not require them to participate in services--they could sit in the foyer and do their own thing as long as it wasn't disruptive.

[stevenstwin]

We are absolutely, flat-out, not allowed to take children to ANY church without permission from their parents. The advice around here is that if church is going to be a deal breaker, you should state that you will ONLY take children who are allowed to go. I know my 14 year old fs was told by his previous foster family that he HAD to go to church with them (they were actually the ministers of the Seventh Day Adventist church) and his bio raised SUCH a stink it atually got written up as a formal reprimand.

[DianeS]

For me, I would not be able to foster a child who could not be exposed to my religious beliefs, and I would not be able to foster a child who had to be exposed to a particular (different) belief system on a regular basis. For me, that's as much a deal-breaker as certain disabilities or behaviors are - I'm just not able to rearrange my life to accomodate those.

But most children around here who are in foster care have no such requirements. Their parents don't have a stated preference for religious stuff - they haven't taken them to church themselves, usually, and don't care if the child goes to a church while in the foster home or not. So I don't know anybody who has had to turn a child down because of religious issues, or has had to rearrange their church attendance schedules to accomodate a child with different beliefs. So although many families have strong beliefs about what they will and won't be able to expose a child to, it's rarely an issue here.

Here, we are permitted to leave a foster child in an organized, child-focused activity group that has adequate adult supervision. That covers school field trips, sports, Scouts, sunday school, VBS, etc. But the caseworker has to be the one to sign any waivers that are required, and those activities are often not permitted. But non-waiver stuff is fine.