[michsm]

for good behavior. Has anyone else had to deal with this? They are giving her money for being good in school and for behaving in general. I do not agree with this. Tonight she came home with $5 for behaving well in school this week even though she got written up at her after school program, which of course bmom didn't know about because she is not going to tell them the bad stuff so she gets the money.

I told her we were going to have to talk to bmom about this and am temporarily holding the money until I figure out how to handle this.

How would you all handle this? Should I just let her keep what she hasn't earned? I just don't think she should be being paid for her behavior. If bmom was buying her gifts or taking her out for dinner with this money just because I would't have an issue with this. I have a pretty good open line of communication with bmom so I know I could approach her with this. I just don't know if I am overreacting and should just let this slide.

[DianeScraps]

Do you have any communication with biomom? Can you give feedback on behavior to her? If this is something you can do, and can act as a team, you can potentially have a very good thing going for the child

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Just open a savings account with the money in her name. When/If she moves, you could always buy a US savings bond with it for her to have for her future.
Kim

[Shaylas_Mom]

I think the savings account is a great idea! Bio parents are hard to understand sometimes! I once had parents send my 4 year old FS home with his own cell phone so he could call them whenever he wanted to! Knowing that he got completely histerical every time he talked to them because he missed them so.

[greenrobin]

Bubba's bio folks always gave him a couple of dollars whenever they visited. They only gave Sissy money twice. The money lives in a box in their bedrooms.

It bothers me that they did this, but I don't feel like I could tell them to stop--they are the family, the kids are theirs, and this was the one way for them to let them know they loved them. I think the issue is mine.

That being said, maybe you could find a way to get the behavior reward portion of the program taken off. I mean, if a mom wants to give her kid some money, then she probably has the right to do it. I agree with the group, though--save it for the future.

[Mystik]

When I was in foster care as a teenager and went to visit my gramma, she would sometimes have me do housework for her and would pay me so much for so much time, or per chore etc. and even now I see nothing wrong with that as it was learning responsibility & to work for my money and what not.

However in your situation she is being given money for something specific that she's supposedly done, which is actually a lie. This is not teaching her any responsibility whatsoever.

I personally think it would be a good idea to discuss it with the bio mom and let her know that it's a great idea to teach FD responsibility (so that she doesn't feel like you are undermining her) and let her know the truth about how FD has really done in school. Offer to make it a team effort by giving the bio mom regular updates on FD's school progress each week so that when she does show responsibility by doing well she reaps the benefits and when she doesn't she reaps the consequence.