[pandatj]

So... I posted on here about contact with Bio Mom for 11yro... Just found out, I have associated PTSD from parenting RAD child for past 6 years. She is an extreem case apparently. ADHD, RAD and ODD.... A lethal combination.

So, I wanted Bio-Mom to come visit with her and help... since 11yr takes things out on me, for being the "New" Mom.

Ha Ha... Do you know what she said????

I will have to discuss that with my boyfriend and how it would affect our family?

All I could think was, isnt she, 11yr, your family? Like she has forgotten her children and moved on.... That is awful for 11yr. She is already confused.... AUGH!!!!

Talk soon!!!

[MomwithFive]

Does her therapist think this will help? If so, I hope she responds in a more positive way for you and your daughter.

[pandatj]

Kathy, the therapist is out of ideas. We have seen 3 different ones this year. I think I am the subject of being the target. I am her "New"Mom, and she is more likely to take it out on me anyhow... I just need a break... I am soo tired and overwhelmed.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by pandatj

So, I wanted Bio-Mom to come visit with her and help... since 11yr takes things out on me, for being the "New" Mom.

Ha Ha... Do you know what she said????

I will have to discuss that with my boyfriend and how it would affect our family?

Since you are using the terms "Bio mom" and "New Mom", I'm guessing the bio-mom had her rights terminated and you adopted the girl. I can't imagine asking a bio-mom for help with an adopted child. Didn't she do enough already? The child was removed from her home, is RAD, and has behavioral problems and was then placed in an adoptive home-which means bio-mom's rights to this child were terminated. Bio-Mom wouldn't exactly be a candidate for "Mother of the Year". What do you want her to do? She's not this little girl's mother. She wasn't a decent mother when she did have custody. I don't see how she can help your situation.

Originally Posted by pandatj

All I could think was, isnt she, 11yr, your family?

No. YOU'RE this child's family. Bio-Mom's rights were terminated. This child is yours as if you had given birth to her. I don't think it's wise to be leaning on the bio family when they have no legal relationship to this girl. This little girl and all her issues aren't the bio-family's problem anymore. When you adopted her, you took on all these problems. It's not fair to go back to the birth family for support. They couldn't help this child when they had custody so how can they help her now?

[ranoutofnames]

My apologies... but I'm more than a little confused about the whole situation, so I went back and read all your posts from 2008, there were none in 2007 but I did find a couple in 2006 that I glanced over.

From what I've read... you legally adopted your husbands daughters around 2006 who are now 7yrs and 11yrs. The 7yr old is just fine but there are behavior problems with the 11yr old?

You had initiated contact with bmom and bgrandma hoping to keep up relations. They have little/no interest in coming to see the girls where you live. Bgrandma asked to have the girls come to visit them, which is 2500 miles away.

There is a history of abuse/neglect by bmom and bgrandma is unwilling to acknoweldge the bmom mistreatment of the girls.

The 11yr old is in counseling and voicing she doesn't know why after all this time bmom is interested in seeing her. She knows bmom blames her (11yr old) for them being taken from her and everything that happened while they were with her.

You are wanting the bmom to come visit the 11yr old to "help... since 11yr takes things out on me, for being the "New" Mom"

You are also a foster parent to a boy... I think a baby but wasn't sure.

Do I have this right?

[pandatj]

Variabley, right... However, I guess there is a little more to the entire situation that would take me years to write out. I think our situation is different and a bit confusing, which is probably why I am confused. I know I am her family. However, she-bio is also her family. Thank you for all of your comments. However, I believe I will end reply in this post. I didnt think I would be judged... It is hard to type and get everything out that I wish to say, in the tone I wish to say it in...

Thank you everyone!
Good Luck to you!