[ranoutofnames]

Except for 3 weeks of her life, little A3 has never been overnight with her parents... tonight is her first overnight visit.

I'm not worried about her. It's just overnight, I'm sure her parents will take good care of her and they are probably thrilled that after loosing 4 children to TPR they will get to keep one child. They've done everything requested of them and I know they really love her.

I don't worry about her... but my heart is aching. They picked her up at 2pm, she should be arriving at her parents house about now and she has no clue that she doesn't get to come home to her own bed tonight.

I don't worry about her... but my heart is just breaking. Next weekend she'll be gone for 3 nights and likely the trend will continue. It's the way it's suppose to be and I fully support this RU, but that doesn't mean I want her to leave.

I don't worry about her... but my world feels like a very wonderful part is just about to be lost.

Truly my focus has been on my children... but at this very moment I'm gonna be a little selfish and just admit the most selfish part of me wants to cling to every second I can still have with her.

I love her so much... it's so hard to slowly say "good-bye".

[Sam-N-Tony]

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

The best I can give you is take some time for yourself. Make sure you enjoy every last minute with A3.

It's better to have a slow goodbye, then pick her up from your house and never see her again. She can understand where she is going, gives you both time to prepare.

[vernellinnj]

Sorry you are hurting. Allow yourself to feel whatever you want. (((HUGS)))

My FS has been with me 2 yrs next week and it's not certain what will happen w/ his case - I can imagine what you are feeling.

[ranoutofnames]

I'm being naughty and jumping on the internet while at work... I just need the support... I need to touch base... I need a little

Luckily I work in a little cubi area and for some reason everyone (except my co-worker/friend) decided today was a good day for a vacation... so I've been sitting at my cubi crying silently for nearly 2 hours.

Just about the time I think I am over crying I start up again... I'm not normally THIS torn up about overnights, especially when I pushed to get them going. Probably these pregnancy hormones.

So in 5 minutes my work day ends. I would normally be gathering my stuff to race out to my vehicle so I can go pick up A3 from daycare... but now she isn't there... she's nearly 90 minutes away from me and I forgot to pack her little dolly she likes to cuddle with at night.

Guess I'll go pick up A1 and A2 from day care, just to hear them ask again "where is A3". Then they will bicker and fight with each other over the most silly things.. I really need a hormone break.

[One_Happy_Momma]

Originally Posted by ranoutofnames

I would normally be gathering my stuff to race out to my vehicle so I can go pick up A3 from daycare... but now she isn't there...

I feel for you!

One time after my 3 yo former FD left, I got up in the middle of the night and ran to the car to go to her daycare. All the while thinking that I was going to be placed in jail for abandoning her there.

On other occasion I got to the daycare and freaked out when I saw that the gates were locked.

I found myself in front of her daycare on a couple of occasions, I guess I forgot to tell my car not to drive me there anymore.

[ranoutofnames]

We survived the first overnight. She came home filthy. Not sure she had a bath the night before but positive she had to have a bath once she got home. She was fussy/cried both Saturday and Sunday night. She also slept extra long on Sunday's nap to where we finally woke her up.

This morning the closer I got to daycare the fussier she behaved and then started yelling "no, no, no" in front of the daycare. Once she got in she was fine, we'll see how the day goes.

These are similar behaviors we've had in the past when she has visit changes.

Her going home is the right thing, I'm just missing her bunches and she isn't even gone.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Hang in there, if you know this is the right thing, then it is.

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[Kristin7]

I know the pain and the feelings you are having. It is hard on her too....even if things are going to be ok. I"m glad the parents have done what they need to do to get her back....that is wonderful for that child.

But to have loved her as you have for so long.....to let her go is not easy.

My big girls left me once and returned to bio mom for nine months. it was agony......for me and for them. and it wasn't a healthy for the girls.

This is the hard part of foster care....loving them and letting them go.

Hugs

K

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by ranoutofnames

Her going home is the right thing, I'm just missing her bunches and she isn't even gone.

This is so hard to read, I am so sorry for your pain. But I thank you for adding that you know this is right for your little fd. If you had not been there for her, where would she be right now? God bless you for all you have done for this child. I can only send "cyberhugs"--

(((((((((((((((ranoutofnames))))))))))))))))

Please keep letting know how you are--