[Kristin7]

Bios got in trouble for their ambush on cw at the last visit so now they are demanding visits with the baby.

Is this something I should stand up against...or is a few visits with a stranger going to harm the 2yr old that much?

Thoughts?

[greenrobin]

Can you maybe clarify?

I read your last post. I'm confused. If they're in trouble with the cw, how is that they can demand anything?

You might just want to talk to the cw and see if you can find out what's going on.

[Sam-N-Tony]

Yeah, I'm a little confused too. I know that they got in trouble because of Dad being there but if I'm correct they already have visits with Mom right?

If so, the Judge had already determined that Dad should not have visits, then you should have nothing to be worried about.

[bethy724]

Visits could disturb any age person. My son was 3 months when he was removed from the home & visits started at 5 months. He was a mess when we entered the building, during the visit & it took 2 days to get him "back to normal" after visits. Children are very smart & even though they can't use words to describe their feelings they use their actions. My son would become clingy, not sleep & need to be held at daycare- I never had to tell the caregivers when he had a visit - they could tell. Any age child, depending on the conditions of the home, reason for removal ect.. can show trama when forced to sit in a room w/ their bio family (they are not strangers even if it's been a while since they've seen each other) . He would wake up from a dead sleep when he smelled his bio mom & scream. (if I hand him over you could see him breath in & wake up & cry) It took 2-3 months of visits for him to stop the reaction, than he would just sleep thru visits.
Good luck, let the cw or childs atty know the behavior before & after visits & if the child is in daycare I'd get documentation of their observations after visits.

[Kristin7]

Sorry about not being clearer....i forget that you all don't have all the details like i do. LOL. sorry

Bio dad has court mandate to not have contact with the two oldest girls since he abused them. Since the baby has been with me since day one...she has not been abused, so his arguement is that he is entitled to see that child.
Cw says that they can't refuse him of visiting with the baby....or it would look bad at TPR. not sure how that is..but that is what she told me.
BioM currently has visits alone with baby seperate from the big girls......but those are coming to an end now. So not sure how this is going to play out.

All i know is that I dont' like the idea of the baby being around the father after all this time without visits...just weeks prior to tpr. Is he just stirring up stuff?

Do I have any control over this...can I fight it?

[ranoutofnames]

They may not be able to refuse but they can put requirements in place BEFORE he has visits... things like UA's for drugs/alcohol, parenting class participation, psych eval, etc

Since he hasn't had contact they should be able to legitimately require some action on his part before he has any visits.

Suddenly requesting visits right before TPR doesn't normally look good to any judge... too little too late.

[Kristin7]

I just don't understand...since they have just petitioned the court to remove the baby's visit with mom alone....due the goal change and no more bonding needed, why are they going to allow visits with dad and baby?
TPR is in six weeks. if it goes through.....then visits stop. why start them now?

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by Kristin7

I just don't understand...since they have just petitioned the court to remove the baby's visit with mom alone....due the goal change and no more bonding needed, why are they going to allow visits with dad and baby?
TPR is in six weeks. if it goes through.....then visits stop. why start them now?

i know...sometimes the things they do are confusing. anyway, my fs's tpr is in 2 1/2 weeks. mom got no RU services...and never had a visit in the last 6 months (baby is 6 months)...mostly bc she was incarcerated. but she has been out for nearly 2 months, and JUST LAST WEEK, they approved visitation for her. based on history, it is HIGHLY likely tpr will go thorugh. so...i asked what is the point? but sw said, until that tpr is granted, she has a legal right to see the baby. it ALSO looks better for termination if at the tpr it does not look like anyone held back on assisting the parents. otherwise, there may be a reason for an appeal to be filed..which draws everything out alot longer. trust me...i went through appeals once...it took FOREVER! i know it is hard to think of sending the children you view as "your own" to a man that, while the father, is certainly a stranger, but it really is better for the case in the long run. i'm not loving the idea of my baby going next week either. BUT, i calm myself knowing that the visit is monitored...and it will most likely be her only one.

i don't see much use in you standing up for there being no visits, bc i can't imagine that they would deny visitation based on you not wanting them to happen.....however, there is also no harm in expressing your fears to your case worker. someone also needs to prepare your child. maybe they would be willing to give you a picture of him in advance so you or the cw could talk to your child about the visit before hand. it may help your 2 year old adjust to a difficult situation.

i'm sorry. i know it is difficult.

[greenrobin]

Yes, it will probably affect the baby, but everyone's right--until TPR, that's his kid. Do ask for all of the safeguards, do voice concerns, but don't interfere with the visits. It's just a roadblock to getting through this. I understand--Bubba and Sissy's bios probably won't fight TPR, but the grandparents will. We have 9 days of disruption for every visit--why 9? But, we never fight it. We document afterward. Will it help? I don't know, but they can never say we did anything to interfere with RU. By the way, grands are just as unacceptable to DFPS as parents, but the visits go on.

It's so hard--hang in there.

[allforone]

We were told that we needed to continue visits until the TPR went through for the purpose that it looks good in court that nobody held back contact. Requesting visits this late is I agree too little too late, but it would be best to follow so that the judge does not have anything to come back on during TPR.
With our a-sons bd he relinguished his rights but the court did not TPR him until they TPRed the birthmom. We had to continue the visits for 6 weeks before we could actually stop the visits. Bd did not take advantage of all the visits but we still had to show that we at least left the door open.
Best of luck. Just think you only have a few more weeks. Focus on the positive. The TPR will be here and over before you know it.

[stevenstwin]

Perhaps they want to make sure they don't give him cause for any other ridiculous or frivolous attempts at lawsuits...you know, they do EVERYTHING on their end and bend over backwards, the judge is less likely to deny TPR. Don't know if it's the same or not - but it really ticked me off before TPR that we had to drive in for twice weekly "visits" to which the parents NEVER came, and the reason was so that they couldn't complain to the judge that they had been denied anything they had a right to.

[tvs4]

It is frustrating! I also love the logic "well, he hasn't abused THAT child yet... so lets grant him some time with her." Only in our crazy system would that type of legal logic prevail. from following your case, dad seems to just be trying to create chaos. You wonder when this man would step up, admit he was wrong and BE A FATHER, back out, and let his girls remain safe. Nope, it is all about him and he is going to fight this thing until the end. It will continue to be about him forever.

I think they have to let him have contact. But make sure it is monitored and I would try to make it as inconvient for him as possible so there is a greater liklihood of no-shows. Rules like "dad must call 24 hours prior to visit to ensure he is coming, if he doesn't call then no visit".

I don't think it will permanantly hurt your little one to see him as long as it is monitored and someone makes sure he remains appropriate.