[excited2adoptsoon]

I am heavily considering leaving the workforce to care for foster/adoptive kids. I am VERY nervous doing this as it's a big change. One concern is that I'd lose my sanity from being at home all day caring for kids. Another concern is finances, but I'll make sure that works out ok before doing it. Lastly I am concerned that my self esteem would be lowered because I'd most likely not be dressing up each day, socializing with intelligent people, etc. I hope nobody takes that in the wrong way.. but it's a whole different world being a stay at home mommy vs. being employed in a great organization with tons of benefits, etc.

Anyone make the change and regret it? Or vice versa?

Any input will be greatly appreciated!

[chevyjewel]

I quit "working" in 2002 to become a stay at home mom to my biological children. Best decision I ever made for myself AND for them!

I do agree it's not for everyone. Working in the home 24/7/365 is extremely difficult physically and emotionally. It took me around three years to figure out I needed to put some sort of end to my work day (meaning nights and weekends shouldn't be spent the same way my days were) and it wasn't a horrible thing for me to leave things a mess once in a while and hit the town with friends. It took about the same amount of time for me to accept that spending all day in my pajamas didn't make me less of a woman either, now I live in pj pants and can't imagine having to dress up everyday or load up myself with make up, even though it's so much fun to do while going out once in awhile I think that routine is for the birds LOL!

Staying home is the hardest most challenging "job" I've ever had but I know of very few women and men that have made the choice to make the switch that regretted it.


Best of luck to you in whatever you decide!

[jbee]

i have always been a sahm, but since about sept. dh has been home too. he was a teacher at a private school, not making much. we made more from having our two fs (which is sad when you think about it, lol).
so now we stay home and do daycare and the foster care and are fine. he can go to all the appts and meetings and support groups during the day. we have 2 bios 1 adopted at home and two high school fs.
we live modestly (drive cars with no car payments, live in an older non updated house) but are fine and paying the bills without stress. it is worth not having a ton of cash, new cars and a new house. my little kids have two full time parents.

[EandDmom]

The plan we have is I'm going to go from full time work to part time work in the beginning. If we end up having the 3 kids we have room to take on a permanent basis then I'm going to quit my job and be home full time. I stayed home with both my kids when they were younger and never regretted a minute of it. If you can afford to do it then you definetly do it.

[Mystik]

I quit my full time job the moment we were placed with our first placement. I just couldn't imagine not being there for her as she was only 3 weeks old and I personally grew up in daycare myself so I did not want to do that to my kids and vowed to myself at an early age that I wouldn't.

My DH still works full time and because we're military we have the benefit of living in base housing without the cost of utilities and such, which is mighty helpful, so we're not in any sort of financial dilemma's due to my not working and I haven't regretted a minute of being here for both our little ones.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by Mystik

snip.... I personally grew up in daycare myself so I did not want to do that to my kids and vowed to myself at an early age that I wouldn't.....snip

That is why I decided to be a SAHM too. Despite my mom doing her best with what she had as a single teenage mother I had many horrible experiences and vowed to keep my kids out of daycare if at all possible

I feel very lucky to have found a spouse that has been 100% supportive of that desire as well.

[athikers]

I also quit my full-time job to stay home and parent my foster kids. We moved at the same time, so it was "easy", I just did not look for a new job when we moved.

We have always had at least one child who is not yet school-aged and wanted them to have some consistency with one primary caregiver. Though our income has been cut more than in half (AHHH!!), we make it work and I love taking care of my kiddos. As a side note, with my current two kiddos, one is medically fragile and requires a stay-at-home parent, so we are a really good fit for him for now

I don't regret my decision for a minute. I have the best "job" in the world. And, as it says on my fridge "All mothers are working mothers".

And, as another poster said... I have never worked so hard in my life - and I thought my 50 hour weeks were stressful!

[aedems]

Well I am a SAHM AND have a full-time career. I own my own business out of my home and have done so since my kiddos were little. It has been wonderful as I can work when I want to work, play when I want to play and am able to take in those little babies when they need care as I do not NEED daycare. Once they are old enough though, and I have not had to deal with this yet, I could put them in a daycare setting 1-2 days a week just to free up my sanity and actually get a little work done

I do sometimes "envy" others who are living out some of my dreams in high power jobs and lunches with other adults, but then I remember about dropping off at daycare, worrying when someone was sick, picking up from daycare, being exhausted and then having to do everything else on top of my outside full-time job (ie. housecleaning). Each has its trade offs I believe.

I would consider giving it a trial run. Do you have any vacation time you can take while you play SAHM?

[DianeScraps]

I am self employed and went to very, very part time when we started fostering. With all of the social workers, therapists, visits, and emotional issues there was no way I could have worked full time.

When I did have to work another foster mom did the 'day care' end of things for me. I needed the caregiver to have a full grasp on what kids in foster care go through.

[wahinekehau]

My husband and I got involved with Catholic Charities, which required one of us stay home. They bright side is they paid double what the state pays. I had a Government job and was VERY scared about quitting. But i would do it all over again. The babies we get (0-3yrs) really need and DESERVE that time and bonding from us. But if you have school age children then you have some time to work while their in school.

[blubutterflies03]

I am self-employed, and have to say that since I have my 3 new fosters, it is impossible to work 5 days a week. i need at least one of the "work" days to do groceries, catch up on some laundry, catch my breathe. I could not stay home the whole time though, as I am an OUTSIDE person, and would go insane inside for a long period of time. So, I opt to work cuz it is my outlet and I love what I do for a living, but I love my kids too!

[buttascotchbaby]

I am very interested to see this thread. I am a single parent, with one biio son and (as of today ) two foster kids. I have been fostering for almost 5 years and up until two years ago I hnhad a very successful eBay business. I then had a 4 m.o. baby placed with me who was recovering from pretty horrific abuse and she required a LOT of attention and I thought that it just would not have been the right thing to do to put her in child care while I worked, so I stopped my eBay business and became a full time mom.

Let me just tell you; people say all the time "Oh, being a mother is the hardest job" and I don't think they really mean it or truly understand it. When my bio son was born I was a single, full time, mom, working full time and going to school full time and I thought I had it bad! It was NOTHING compared to being the sole person whom a little baby is dependent on 24/7 Not to mention I had at least 3 other children who are dependent on me to varrying degrees as well. At my job at least I got a break twice a shift! And people who I could have conversations with who were able to answer in complete sentences! LOL

It. Is. The. Hardest. Job. I. Have. Ever. Had.

I have run my own business, I have worked for other people, I have run day cares, etc., etc. Nothing compares. I was also very surprised to find out how much I love it. I feel as if I have found my purpose. I have pretty much always cared for kids in one way or another and I have always wanted to have a big family. In doing fostering I have found a way to do it. I have to budget SUPER careful and I look for little side jobs to bring money in as well. I breed (on a very small scale!) dogs and that brings a chunk of $$ in once a year.

But it is really worth it and I just wish that more people put more importance on parenting and that it was respected more. It is really sad, how in this day and age, in this "enlightened" country, we are so blind to what is important. OK, off my soapbox now

[Sam-N-Tony]

My question to the people who quit their jobs to be sahm and don't have home based businesses, did your spouse earn relatively the same wage as you did or more.

In my situation, I would love to be a part-time sahm, that works part time, but my income is almost double what my dh's is. We could never live just off of his income alone and I don't think he would be a good sahd. I have looked into possibly running a day care from my home, but it's not a guaranteed income.

[ranoutofnames]

I toyed with the idea of being a SAHM but was concerned about giving up such a great job with terrific benefits for a temporary situation (foster care). Where I work there is very low turnover. It's not like I could leave and then later find a job back with the same company or even another company doing something similar.

Although my placement agency has never failed to contact me to take placements, there are lots of people who post that they've waited MONTHS for new placements.

When there are allegations made (notice it's "when" not "if") then your home is also placed on hold. They may or may not remove the kids (depending on the type of allegation and age of kids). It can take MONTHS to clear up allegations. We've had two allegations (both from the same child). The second allegation took 6 months to clear up. That time the child was moved and she admitted to lying after she found out she was being moved... didn't matter she admitted to lying they still held our license for 6 months. That happened about 2 weeks after the last time I considered being a SAHM... so glad I didn't make that choice!

In addition, our agency requires foster parents to have sufficient income (without the fc stipend) to meet our bills.

Although I love DH, I am the first to admit that he isn't the most dependable wage earner.... and I am such a CONTROL FREAK that I have to have my OWN income, I have to ensure my children and I have insurance, I have to maintain some order in my life. In addition to my company job I started a rental business and currently have 8 homes I manage. My rentals help supplement our income. My company job helps full fill that part of me that being a SAHM would not full fill.

My company income is more than double my DH. At one time HE thought about running our rental business (I wasn't interested in him doing it) but that didn't last even a trial period. In addition he would not be a good SAHD. So... he continues to work jobs that don't even pay our day care expenses every week, which is why I have to work.

[pandatj]

I quit my job in 2006 to be a FT Foster Mom. Knowing that I would have to give up a lot, since I would go from making money to not making any. I have found though, that this is the most rewarding job I do... I wouldnt change it for the world. However, with that being said, you mentioned your sanity. I take my kiddos to a daycare 6 hours a day and I do what I want for that 6 hours. Clean my home, volunteer, you name it... It is my 6 hours. And because I volunteer, daycare is paid for, which helps as well... The kids get social interaction for a short time and yoy get to maintain your sanity.

Good luck!