[momof9wantingmore]

Hi,
I am fairly new here, but I just wanted to share my feelings about being a SAHM. I stayed home with our oldest six until my youngest was in grade school, then I went to nursing school and was working when we decided to become foster parents. With our first placement(which we ended up adopting) I worked part time, I wanted to stay home when we started fostering but we didn't think we could afford it. When we got the call about a medically fragile infant(we adopted her also) they told us that because of her status one of us had to stay home, being a nurse we decided the logical person would be me. I became a SAHM again. I love it, I always did. My DH is very supportive of whatever decision I make about working. If we decide not to adopt again, I may go back to nursing part time when my youngest goes to school. Nursing is great for this because at most hospitals they have positions open where you can work as little as one day a week if that's all you want.

[jjjjmom]

I am a single mom of 1 bd, recently finalized my son's adoption and I have 3 f-sons. I have a goverment job that I will not quit for another 15-20 years. First of all I need the benefits for my children and my self. I also need my retirement benefits. When I get old my foster children will not be there to cover my needs. and I don't take babies, I only accept school age children. Don't take me wrong, I wish I could afford to stay home, and take care of little babies.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

My question to the people who quit their jobs to be sahm and don't have home based businesses, did your spouse earn relatively the same wage as you did or more.

At the time I left the workforce I was making more than my husband. BUT I was the pregnant one on bedrest for preterm labor so not much could be done about it. We cut back, made some sacrifices and realized that we could make it work on what he made. After our first child came we thought the benefits to me staying home far outweighed what extra fun money we would have had had I returned back to work outside of the home.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by blubutterflies03

I could not stay home the whole time though, as I am an OUTSIDE person, and would go insane inside for a long period of time.

See I don't love it when people make that sort of implication. I am totally an "OUTSIDE" person too, that's got nothing to do with a mothers (or fathers) choice to stay home with their kids!


As a stay at home mom I think that's actually a huge benefit to my kids. I don't like to sit home for days on end so we go out quite a bit. Parks, shows, museums, visiting friends and family, they've got activities they do with their peers and I make it a point to break up my errands so like we'll do grocery shopping one day, post office/bank the next day so we've got places to go nearly every day and new people to interact with.

We actually faced quite a bit of opposition to DH and I's decision for me to stay home from people that claimed I would turn into a hermit woman and my children would be horrifically under socialized to the "outside" world, can you believe that craziness??!

At my daughters kindergarten screening last month - according to her evaluators comments - she was very well socialized, very empathetic (there were several children frightened of the goings ons and she tried her darndest to comfort and reassure them) and in their word "brilliant." It was reported that she held wonderful conversation with the other kids there and the evaluators and she far surpassed guidelines for what she should know for her age. They actually talked to us about the possibility of moving her up to 1st grade if she ends up way too bored as she's already reading short stories, she writes very well, can add smaller numbers etc. She's only 5 so we sort of just smiled and said we'll see how things go.

I have no idea if that's got to do with her never spending a day in a day care (and only having my parents as a baby sitter occasionally) but I know I was far from any of that being literally raised in a day care setting. My son is a mirror image of her and that's something I take pride in changing from my experience as a child to theirs. I may not be able to take it to the bank and pay bills with it but hearing that is more satisfying than any performance review or bonus I ever got working outside the home.


Obviously I think staying home with my kids is best for us which is why I'm doing it and making the sacrifices we make on a daily basis, but it's a very personal choice and one I'd never pressure any parent to make in either direction. Everyone's situation is different and that needs to be respected. Being a stay at home parent doesn't make any one an "inside" or an "outside" person, it doesn't make them any less of a person either. There are opportunities to get out as long as it's a priority. Staying home does not make a parent a hostage.



All that said I'll say I completely agree with what buttascotch baby has said, especially the last snippet, and hop off my soap box too!!!

ETA Seeing how hard my mother worked as a single mom I have nothing but respect for men and women that are CHOOSING that very hard life in their attempt to help foster children. Nothing but respect.

[hkolln]

I'm interested in the responses too...and I do have 1 question for the SAHM's:

What will you do when you get to retirement age? What would happen if there is no social security and you didn't save for retirement?

I have toyed the pros and cons of staying home VS working like I do currently. I'm lucky in that my job has flex schedules (hubby takes the kids to school and I can pick them up) and working for an insurance company I get cheap insurance for the entire family and great benefits which includes my 401K which they match 100%. I'm just worried if I didn't have that nest egg then what would happen when I retire?

My 14 yr old daughter has been tested and is gifted. I didn't stay home with her however my Mom did keep her (so she did not go to daycare) until she started school and then I worked around the school schedules once she was school age. I'm not sure if that helped her (having more one on one) or if she was just born gifted? I wonder if any studies have been done with that?

[zxczxcasdasd]

I made the exact same amount as my husband when I was working full-time as an IT project manager for a large corporation. I was promised a promotion and a 30% raise not to leave, when I became mom to my husband's 8-yr-old son whom I adopted.

It was a very hard decision for us to come to grips with financiallly- cutting our household income completely in half, not to mention turning down the raise to keep working. We had to make some changes.

10 yrs later I do not regret it, and we did it in a number of ways.

First, hubby had to get much more serious and assertive about getting a better job with better pay and benefits. He did.

Second, I had to get creative with ways to earn income at home as a proessional. If you can write, it's a great way to get paid per-peice or even royalty income. I also teach lessons from my home which is a nice little supplement as well. Tutoring could work the same way as lessons. I have other friends who have continued as consultants in their profession (CPA, business) or work one day per week (nurse, therapy) or switched to a home-based job (real estate, insurance agent). Another, now that her kids are both in school, is getting her teaching credential so she can work while her kids are in school but be home summers and holidays with them.

10 years later we still don't regret the decision even though our income is still not yet back up to what we were making a decade ago before I quit.

Our little self-made slogan that I coined from my experience growing up in a lower-middle-class one-income family with a SAHM... "Parenting does not involve what can be bought as much as it involves what can be taught."

As a side note, the best thing my parents ever did for me was teach me how to earn things for myself rather than counting on them for monetary support. Sis and I bought our clothes from baby-sitting money, paid our own way though college with scholarships earned from good grades, grants, loans and work-study and neither one of us ever took a penny from my parents after graduating from college. In part, it was borne of necessity- they didn't have it to give. But what they did give was so much greater and I believe, equipped us for personal success rather than a contented dependency.

That said, I remember those months before I quit...the worry about whether we could make it work, how much it would impact our finances and what implications that would have...the guilt about being a full-time working mom. I felt like I had a scarlet "W" for "Works" on my chest.

But in my opinion, kids need a parent or other family member (granparent, aunt, etc.) when they wake up, when they get home from school and when they go to bed. So however you can make that happen, I think it's best. Just my opinion.

[chevyjewel]

hkolln - to answer your questions, we have a 401K through DH's work, and excellent family benefits as far as insurance goes. We also have a 529 college savings plan set up for our kids the state offers.

I also don't plan to stay home long once my kids start school. I however would like a job flexible enough that I can be home when they leave in the morning and be home when they get home until they are old enough to responsibly stay home alone by themselves.

DH and I are young, we'll only be in our early 40's when both of our children graduate, I'm sure they'll be pretty well self sufficient by then so me getting back into the work force will happen before then and we'll have PLENTY of time to build the rest of our retirement accounts up later.

Kids are only young and dependent on our physical care for a very short time. I would much rather I be there for them in that way NOW rather than someone else. There's always time to make more money later. IMHO the awesome rewards that come from it far exceed the temporary sacrifices made. And I like that when the time comes for me to go "back" to work it's not funds we're going to depend on, therefor much of it will be able to go straight into savings.

[FullQuiverMamma]

Nobody EVER says they wish they had spent less time with their kids when they were little...

[FullQuiverMamma]

Originally Posted by hkolln

I'm interested in the responses too...and I do have 1 question for the SAHM's:

What will you do when you get to retirement age? What would happen if there is no social security and you didn't save for retirement?

I will be getting my husband's retirement/insurance. Neither of us qualify for social security anyhow... ! Does your DH work?

[vernellinnj]

Single foster parent raising a very well adjusted, smart,social child (been with me 2 years) who goes to daycare. Would love to stay at home or at least work less...unfortunately, as my mortgage and bills must be paid...not an option.

Best to everyone - those who can make a choice and those who unfortunately cannot.

[lucmarmic]

When my girls were placed with me I was a full time student, as well as teaching preschool full time (40 hrs a week). I did this for about 3 months, but knew I couldn't go on like that forever. My girls were in daycare sometimes 12 hrs a day. So I made the decision to be a sahm. I had to cut way back on things like going out to eat, and the "me" money. But I am lucky, that I inheritated my house and the only bills I had were electric, phone and insurance. Money is tight but I love being home with my girls and being able to take them to thier appts. I know that I can't be a sahm forever, but while they are small I am going to enjoy it. I will go back to school in the fall, and when they start preschool I will once more join the workforce. Until than I am going to take it day by day and enjoy the now.

[wannafostersoon]

Right now I am sort of a SAHM. I am home during the day with the kids and I work per diem nights private duty pediatrics in two client's homes. LOL, I am at work now! I only work 2-3 nights per week although the past couple of weeks I've been doing 3-4 nights due to a nurse leaving one of the cases. I don't make a whole lot of money compared to most professionals (between $450-600 per week) so I don't think I'll feel any less financially satisfied when I decide to stay home again. We are waiting until our first placement, but the goal is for me to stay home to care for the children. We are getting certified to take medically fragile as well so that will require my full attention anyway. I will use the stipend to help run the household. Medically fragile is just about what I bring in a month now.

Last year I stopped nursing due to a shoulder injury and started doing daycare. I loved daycare but I couldn't make ends meet because I was informal. I had an infant-only daycare (by chance, not choice ) and chose not to get licensed so I could keep my four babies. When two of the babies left I closed the daycare and went to private duty nursing. I still miss being home.

I can't get a facility job due to my shoulder injury and my permanent restriction. I will be compensated in the coming months for my loss and I will use that along with DH's salary to carry us. Our county has a requirement that we must be financially stable without the stipend as well. With DH's income we are stable (on paper at least ) so I don't think it will be a problem.

I respect the mommies and daddies that are able to have kids and work full time. My parents did it. I have NEVER been able to. For the two years I was in school/worked full time it was soooo hard on me and the kids. I couldn't do that again. Especially with foster kids.