[pandatj]

Good Morning,
We enjoy foster parenting. We are hopeful that one of our kiddos may become adoptable, at some point.

However, I feel like we have no say in the outcome of a child's case in our home, as everytime we try to provide information to a SW or GAL, we are being told we are over stepping, or that it is biased information. Or they take the information but do not share it with anyone.

Some may say, are you writing facts only? Are you leaving your opinions out? Are you writing derogetory? We are following the guidelines. We have had two successful adoptions, both private, and had great relationships with the judge, SW and GALs.

Working with the state seems different. I now feel like if I open my mouth, we will lose our foster kiddos or we will be placed on a stop-placement list.

This stinks, when all we are trying to do is provide information based around child safety and their best interests.

Any ideas? Any support or help?

Thank you!!!

[vegaschristina]

Be sure that any communication is written, send copies to everyone involved, attorneys, CW, judge. Keep it to facts only, and keep emotions out of it.

I know it can be frustrating, can't it?

[athikers]

I don't have any suggestions, but I have read more than once on these boards that if you are good foster parents and trying to be a strong advocate for your children there will be times when you will be in a bit of a power struggle with the other people involved. At least where I am, most foster parents take care of their kids but do not love and advocate for their kids like most of the parents on these boards. Your workers may just be used to less involvement from the foster parents.

[Sam-N-Tony]

A lot of the times, we have no input and we are just there to "babysit". You have to remember that foster care's main goal is reunification and if they feel like you are saying things that does not really support it, they may move the kids, just for that reason only.

Even though, you have adopted 2 previous children you mentioned it was private, it is completely different with the state.

As far as the children's best interest, that is why they have a GAL, not that all GALs are great, but most of them really do look for the best interest for the children.

My fsons parents visits were increased to 2x a week, despite everyone, GAL, CW, atty, saying that it is not in the best interest of the children, but the Judge still gave the additional visits. Right after that previous fson had a really hard time dealing with the increased visits and had major major behavioral issues. We went back to court with proof from the therapists, GAL saying that this was doing more harm, and he didn't want to hear it. Ultimately that is why my previous fson needed to go to Therapeutic.

It comes down to what exactly you are saying and how you are saying it. What type of relationship have you developed with cw.

[pandatj]

I feel like I have an ok relationship with the SW. However, I feel like you may be right, we are baby sitters... I guess it is frustrating when the state says, you are the eyes and ears of the court, and the child's schedule... But then doesnt want to hear from you... It is frustrating...

I understand that reunification is the highly saught goal. However, in cases where you witness an infant being left in a room with burning candles and open prescription bottles, they are crawling toward them. And Mom doesnt see the harm... Someone should care? Right? Well, I guess that is why I come here to talk and vent.

[Sam-N-Tony]

[quote=pandatj]in cases where you witness an infant being left in a room with burning candles and open prescription bottles, they are crawling toward them. And Mom doesnt see the harm... Someone should care? Right? QUOTE]

My question to you would be how and when did you witness this? Because it could be interpretted in different ways. Without the whole specific situation, it's hard to determine.

I think keeping it plane and simple to the point and matter of fact is always the best way. A person can be a strong advocate for their child, without overstepping boundaries. If you feel like something is detremetal to your child, like visits, things that go on at visits, talk to your child's therapist and allow them to make the determination. So when they make a request of the court to reduce visits or this or that, it is coming from a person who is "qualified" to make those judgements. It didn't work for me but it's worth a shot.

[jbee]

it sucks, dosen't it. some of our cw are great, some buttheads. and the spec ed dept at the school...don't get me started. they love you when you will come pick up the kid for acting up but not when you advocate. and if no one is there to back you up...
thank goodness not all of our kids have had the same workers is all i can say.

[pandatj]

Mom-of-boys, I was asked to supervise visits. And while we are there, she will put the 8mo old down on the floor and leave the room. The candles and open pills are on the coffee table next to him. He is crawling and can pull the table cloth off. She is gone from the room for 5-10 min. A lot can happen. Mom doesnt see them harm in leaving him there. This is just one frustrating example of very very many.

Thoughts?

[Sam-N-Tony]

I can understand your frustration, but I can also see it from the other angle, you are there supervising the visits, therefore, you are "watching" the baby.

If they are uninterested in your comments to the events of the visits, then they need to find someone else a uninterested party to supervise the visits. I personally am against the foster parents supervising because it puts us in a really bad position should something go awry.

[pandatj]

I agree. I have explained that I do not want to supervise the visits anylonger. It is too hard. Mom yells at me for the kids liking me. I just cannot do anymore. I just find myself in a tough position. I want to help, but I cannot save the world... Mom of boys... Will you read my other post. I like your words of help.
Thanks.

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by pandatj

Mom-of-boys, I was asked to supervise visits. And while we are there, she will put the 8mo old down on the floor and leave the room. The candles and open pills are on the coffee table next to him. He is crawling and can pull the table cloth off. She is gone from the room for 5-10 min. A lot can happen. Mom doesnt see them harm in leaving him there. This is just one frustrating example of very very many.

Thoughts?

And this is why I didn't supervise visits. It's my job to care for and advocate for these children, not be their mom's social worker. The social workers...they get paid to supervise visits, not me.

[bethy724]

I was told "off the record" not to mess w/ CPS because some CW's WILL take the child out of your home in retaliation- judges go w/ CPS reccommendations (not really sure what they are judging since they use excuses & finger point when a child they send home is killed) Anyway, in this county CPS is the judge & jury & don't cross your cw-it's just a fact.

If you are asked to supervise visits just document everything in a factual manner. example: 2pm visit, 2:10 mom & boyfriend enter room/mom gives big kisses & gushes over baby, 2:12: mom lights candles & puts pills on the table, 2:15 mom & boyfriend leave the room, 2:30 mom returns, chats w/ baby, reads baby book ect...
Make notes of what happens - not what could happen-the cw could piece it together-they have to "appear" to support reunification even if they don't. Let them appear that way & give them facts. (time, place, action)

Good luck - my stomach hurts for you - foster care/adoption is different than private adoption-roll with it & hopefully everything will work out.

[pandatj]

Thanks Bethy... I will do that. I will keep a log... The SW is going to supervise visits at the office now. Apparently the other foster mother, with the babies siblings had some concerns too. So thankfully, I wasnt the only one.

Will let you know how things turn out.
Thanks.

[Heyheather]

The agency that we work with has case aides who supervise and video tape each visit and then write notes to the CW. Foster parents may and are encouraged to also watch the visits through the video system but have no input. The case aide stays the same with the case so she has history and knows what to look for during the visits.

[tvs4]

Just my 2 cents... I think that having foster parents supervise visits is an AWFUL idea - precisely because it does force foster parents into "informants" and of course your going to be percieved as "biased" because you are caring for the children. Also, foster parents are not TRAINED to supervise visits - it is the SWs, CWs job and THEY SHOULD DO IT. I am continuallly baffled that foster care programs allow it to happen!!!! I'm a nurse by background and I always feel like it would be similar to me saying to a patient... here you watch the monitors, let me know if something happens, and then when they tell me what happened saying "you can't be right... you miss interpreted the monitor". When I am queen of the foster care universe among many changes to "the system" will be that I don't allow foster parents to supervise visits. it is crazy. Even in situations where foster parents and bios have a pretty good relationship it sets up all sorts of problems. It gives foster parents all this responsibility but No authority! So, you don't have authority to end a visit, report on the visit, etc but you can be darn sure that if something happened to a child during the visit you'd be responsible! it is SO wrong.

As for the candles and bottles - yep that isn't an ideal baby environment but sadly parents only have to provide the MINIMUM of a safe home for the kids. Some CWs, SWs and judges are going to be looking at the bigger picture and not really worry about those types of details. I know it seems wrong but sadly that is also how it is going to be.


ok... off my soap box...