[ranoutofnames]

I'm getting what I asked for... I think. A3 is going to have her first overnight visit this coming Friday. I wanted the case to move and it's now moving.

Strange thing, I can't tell how I'm feeling. I'm not really sad or happy about the overnight visit just pissed the agency just now let me know that she'll be gone overnight from Friday to Saturday without considering whether we had any plans.

We go camping from Friday-Sunday most weekends starting in April/May through September. I hate when they don't take into consideration the foster parents schedule or plans.

I was all worried before that A1 might be unhappy or sad about A3 leaving, but she has been saying she's happy A3 is leaving. I really hope I'm not raising an emotinally distant child. With the last several kids that have left her only emotion is happy they are leaving.

... it's probably a good thing we are weaning out of foster care.

I wish I knew why I can't put my finger on an exact emotion for me, maybe that's why I worry about A1. This whole situation with A3 has been an emotional roller coaster time. I had a miscarriage, A3 was placed, parents would disappear, parents would visit, parents offer to relinquish, parents want RU, parents end up in jail, parents want RU, parents disappear, then reappear to have visits, and now overnights are starting and I'm guessing she'll be home with them permanently by the end of June.

So many ups and downs, maybe I'm just emotionally spent... or maybe I'm so focused on welcoming our baby due in July to even think about A3 leaving. Gosh... I hope I have more emotional depth than a teaspoon.

[Withay]

From reading your posts I would say that you definitely have "more emotional depth than a teaspoon".

I would guess that a big part of it is being so close to delivery of your baby.

[ranoutofnames]

Withay - thanks for saying I have more depth. You're probably right. I do get quickly upset and very emotinoal lately about the stupidest things! It seems I find myself focusing more on the small things, possibly to avoid the bigger things that take more energy.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Withay

From reading your posts I would say that you definitely have "more emotional depth than a teaspoon".

I would guess that a big part of it is being so close to delivery of your baby.

uh....YEAH!! You've been on such an emotional roller-coaster in the last few months, you're probably just worn right out!!

[ranoutofnames]

Yesterday after hearing "I would have loved you anyway" and "You're gonna miss this" I was crying so hard I had to turn off my radio and call my best friend... all while driving.

She's going to be with her bios throughout the entire Memorial weekend... Friday to Monday.

Now that I'm done being mad at the agency my heart is just breaking. I hear her giggles and my heart sinks. I listen to her learning to talk and my heart breaks even more. She's been such a wonderful part of our life and soon she'll be gone.

Part of why she came into custody was the parents didn't have a clue on how to care for an infant. She would cry and they would go nuts because they didn't know what to do. It was nothing for her to be left in the car seat crying, smelling like spit up formula, while the parents left the apartment to go anywhere but there.

Now A3 is past that point. She can walk, talk, and laugh. When she cries she can indicate why she is crying. She can now communicate to two people who haven't a clue on how to figure out what a child needs.

Since she has to go back I guess I can take heart that I've gotten her past a critical time in her life that left to her bios she would have been further neglected and possibly abused.

... I still can't listen to any country songs.