[athikers]

Talk to hesabanana. She has personal and rather heartbreaking experience with this scenario.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by KelleyF

I'm sure any negitive reports on the BP's would strengthen the TPR case. How can they leave another child in their care? I really don't get DCYF. Seems like they always put the parent's wants above the child's needs every time. That's the only thing that makes me question doing foster care. I love the kids, it's the system that stinks.

"Georgia" has older siblings in a separate foster home and an infant sibling who is now with bio parents. I couldn't believe they would return "some" but not "all" of the kids. Either the parents are fit to care for their children or they are unfit to care for their children. How can they be found "fit" to care for one child but be considered "unfit" to care for another? It makes no sense at all.

It's really hard to explain to a 4 year old that Mommy can have the baby but you can't go home.

[vernellinnj]

In NJ, TPR can also be granted because "it's in the child's best interest". In other words, bparents have done everything but at the time when it's time to make a decision, it's simply inthe child's best interest to stay where he/she is. Could be that's not the case with all children (esp if they are in diff foster homes).

[MassachusettsMom]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

I couldn't believe they would return "some" but not "all" of the kids. Either the parents are fit to care for their children or they are unfit to care for their children. How can they be found "fit" to care for one child but be considered "unfit" to care for another? It makes no sense at all.

In our FS's case, part of what the DSS atty tried to argue was that the birthparents might be able to handle one child (with lots of support, parent aids, etc.), but couldn't handle three, particularly with any special needs.

As you might have read on my other post, DSS lost the TPR trial today. So reunification will begin in the next few weeks.

We were told that the judge said that if it were just an issue of "best interest of the child", then the judge would have said our FS should stay with us. But DSS couldn't prove that the parents were unfit, so what was in the "best interest of the child" was irrelevant. Why couldn't DSS prove unfitness despite a laundry list of issues and more than a year of only-partial-compliance with a service plan? I wish I knew!

[MassachusettsMom]

Reunification begins next week with two day-long visits and then our FS is back with his BPs for good. I'm shocked it is happening so fast (they've never had an unsupervised visit with him and usually end the supervised visits early). DSS is not letting me be involved in the transition -- they said that the BPs need to step up and start parenting. I'm trying to decide if I should make an issue of this and insist.

I'm also mildly annoyed that they won't let me be part of the transition, but want me to drive an hour each way to drop him off for visits -- which I WON'T do.

We have a meeting with our FS's adoption worker, the family worker and our social worker next week. I'm trying to figure out what I want out of this meeting: basically, I want some assurances that they'll be looking out for our FS once he's back with his BPs and that they won't just walk away from his case since they lost TPR. I also want someone to take some responsibility for what is being done to this child. I'm not sure that I'll get either -- and I'm anxious not to piss anyone off in case our FS gets pulled again. But our emotions are running pretty raw and I'm not sure I can get through the meeting without loosing it!

Any advice?

[stevenstwin]

I'm very sorry to hear this, as I know how much you must be hurting. And sadly, they may NOT be able tofollow up much. Depending on the circumstances... often when a child goes home, the file is closed (until next time). This would explain why my FS was 14 before they startd TPR, despite nearly that many stints in Foster care....

Originally Posted by MassachusettsMom

Reunification begins next week with two day-long visits and then our FS is back with his BPs for good. I'm shocked it is happening so fast (they've never had an unsupervised visit with him and usually end the supervised visits early). DSS is not letting me be involved in the transition -- they said that the BPs need to step up and start parenting. I'm trying to decide if I should make an issue of this and insist.

I'm also mildly annoyed that they won't let me be part of the transition, but want me to drive an hour each way to drop him off for visits -- which I WON'T do.

We have a meeting with our FS's adoption worker, the family worker and our social worker next week. I'm trying to figure out what I want out of this meeting: basically, I want some assurances that they'll be looking out for our FS once he's back with his BPs and that they won't just walk away from his case since they lost TPR. I also want someone to take some responsibility for what is being done to this child. I'm not sure that I'll get either -- and I'm anxious not to piss anyone off in case our FS gets pulled again. But our emotions are running pretty raw and I'm not sure I can get through the meeting without loosing it!

Any advice?

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Originally Posted by MassachusettsMom

Our emotions are running pretty raw and I'm not sure I can get through the meeting without loosing it!

Any advice?

I think that is exactly what I would say at the beginning of the meeting. That way if you say anything in the heat of the moment that you later regret, they will know it was coming from an emotional drain on you and they were warned.

I am so sorry things have turned out this way and will be praying for the parents to pull it together....but if they can't, I pray that DCFS is there to step in AGAIN and send him to you where he is familiar and loved.

Kim