[bluebird38]

How many of you have approved phone calls to your house from the bios? I have been asked in the past if the bios could call our house to talk to us and the kids. However, our cw told bios that things were going well as they were so that wasn't necessary.

So, I'm just wondering how "normal" it is for the bios to be allowed to call our home to talk to their kids. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. My first reaction is that it's not a good idea because that "invades" our privacy. But then I think, "Well it's not like they don't already know where we live anyway." Our names and address are on all of the papers that are sent out to everyone involved in the case.

So, any advice from past or present experience?

bluebird38

[vernellinnj]

In 4 years, I've never been asked to give my # to bios. I wouldn't - as a single mom I like to maintain some privacy. I've given one mom my # but that was after her child had been returned to her.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by bluebird38

How many of you have approved phone calls to your house from the bios? I have been asked in the past if the bios could call our house to talk to us and the kids. However, our cw told bios that things were going well as they were so that wasn't necessary.

So, I'm just wondering how "normal" it is for the bios to be allowed to call our home to talk to their kids. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. My first reaction is that it's not a good idea because that "invades" our privacy. But then I think, "Well it's not like they don't already know where we live anyway." Our names and address are on all of the papers that are sent out to everyone involved in the case.

So, any advice from past or present experience?

bluebird38

Where I live, bio family isn't allowed to have foster parent phone numbers. In my case, bio mom was living with a court interpretor. The interpretor and I became friendly and she did have my phone number because she was supervising bioMom's visits with the baby. So she'd call me and arrange pick ups and drop offs. Well, when BioMom left the interpretors house, she asked for my home number and interpretor said "no". A few hours later, the bio mom's attorney called interpretor and said she must give bio mom the number. Soon after, I got a text message from bio mom asking if she could move in with me. YIKES!
So, I called my cw and she said "NO WAY! The attorney has no right to demand that information. And biomom is NOT supposed to be calling you.". The cw called biomom and told her not to call or text again or they would move the baby to a different home.
I did NOT want them to move the baby-she wasn't a threat-but they told me that wanted Mom to understand how serious it was.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

I have told DCFS I will not give out my number. Our home phone# that is listed never has the ringer on. We never gave that number out to anyone as we had used cell phones only for years and only had the landline connected to meet fostering requirements. So they could call that number all day and we would never know. HeeHee

I have told CW that if bios would like to give us THEIR number that we could set up a time once a week where the child could call. The kids could call once (from the home phone so if they have caller ID it doesn't matter because the phone has the ringer turned off and no answering machine) and if there was no answer they could leave a quick message and no more calls til the next week. It was up to the parent to be available for that weekly call.

I have not had good luck with bios. Our current one is a prime example. She has been present for 5 visits in 5 months although the court ordered her to do an hour per week. She rarely shows or is in jail. Today she did make it known to fs that her birthday is coming up soon and gave him a few bucks to buy her a gift. He will be giving her a card he made with the $3 inside. I will not be going shopping for her.

Kim

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by xxsurroundedbyxy

I have told DCFS I will not give out my number. Our home phone# that is listed never has the ringer on. We never gave that number out to anyone as we had used cell phones only for years and only had the landline connected to meet fostering requirements. So they could call that number all day and we would never know. HeeHee
Kim

Mine, too! The only reason I keep the landline is in case of an emergency and I need to call 911. I have one of the basic plans for like $11 dollars a month because there are no outbound calls. In an emergency, I wouldn't want to have to hunt for the cell phone. Other than that, it could ring for hours and I'd never know it. And I always tell the cw's to make sure they call my cell phone or work # if it's important (I don't have an answering machine either & my phone ringer is off because of telemarketers). However, there is one caseworker who ALWAYS says "I tried to call you but the phone at home just rang and rang". And I always respond "It's because the ringer is off and there is no answering machine. You have to call my work or cell phone". But she gives me that line at least once a month.

[waitingtobeamom]

Well, I'll go the opposite! We were expected to give a phone number to the bio mom of our sib group. (and now dad since he is out of jail). We gave them a cell phone and the girls have calls from each of them 2 nights a week. All calls are on speaker phone so that we can monitor. In our state they don't know where we live. That is why we chose cell phone.

[blubutterflies03]

hey Kim, you are just like me. We have our land line connected, but the phone never rings. When we fostered a decade ago...the foster daughter gave her mom our number. Well, the mom was not the problem, but the moms boyfriend would call us at ungodly times of nite and threaten us. I say that the visits should be sufficient enough. If a child is old enough and wants to connect with their bio, then maybe they can write their parent a letter and bring it to the visit.

[michsm]

Where I am the bios are also not allowed to have home number. My number does show up on caller id but if they were to do a search to look up address information it would not come up because I have phone through the internet. I also do not use my home phone and anyone I know that needs to get me calls my cell.

The other night after I cut off supervised call (because of inappropriate conversation) the bmom called back and left message. That message will stay saved for the CW so I like having the answering machine set up.

Just a piece of advise if you do start supervised calls. Never stray far from the phone even though you can hear them talking. Things come out of mouths very fast and you need to be quick at ending that call if necessary.

[Scatterbrain]

We do cradle care which is voluntary. Whether the moms have our info. is decided by the social worker based on safety issues. They always have our phone number though. I usually give them our home and cell phone number. If I felt it was not a safe situation for my family I would only give them my cell # as that is easier to change.